I hate how awful my brother makes me feel. I hate how I have to smile for my mom. I hate how my brother is like my mom and gets easily mad. I hate how I do the same to my little brother and have to try to stop myself. I hate how I do the same things all day. I hate when it’s my mom’s off days because she is always watching to make sure I act happy. I hate how my mom hates the real me. I hate how she loves this mask, this facade. I hate how even on here I’m just […]
I am brand new to this site. Brand new. This is my first post.
Happened to stumble across seppuku’s comment about being the golden child. I can relate, too. Growing up, I was successful at everything I tried. Now, I am worthless in the eyes of my parents and older siblings.
I am almost 34. I am female. Married. Clinical Depression. Tried ECT. Tried everything it would seem. The only thing that worked for me was 425mg of Effexor combined with the lowest dose of methylphenidate (a form of ritalin), but then the night terrors started where I would put out three changes of clothes a night, […]
Sitting in the dark. Looking up suicide on Google. It brought me to this site…
I read the pain of your words, and relate. My heart hurts with you, and hurts like you. I see your pain. I see the desperation. I see I’m not alone.
You feel it too… That bottle of pills singing it’s Siren song, that sharp blade flashing like a knight in shining armor, that seductive rope calling your name to lovingly squeeze you into darkness. They seduce me into a trance of thinking if only I could do it.
I am so desperate to not hurt any longer. I try. I really do. I look online for things like […]
Ok, so here’s the disclaimer…if you haven’t read The Dark Tower series of books by Stephen King then this post isn’t going to make any sense to you at all.
Really what this post is about though is life, or my perspective on it from a literary sense. You see, through out my life, I’ve been an avid reader and Stephen King is my favorite author; and the Dark Tower is my favorite series. Its a series that I felt I identified with on a somewhat spiritual level. For those of you who’ve read my other post especially my first about my life, I’ve spent the […]
I am 21 years old. I work at walmart because I failed out of three colleges and can’t go back. I live at home with my mom, stepfather, brother and friend. I’m single and have no on I can really talk to. I’m still in love with my ex even though she is over me and back with the girl she kept leaving me for and breaking up with for me. She can’t make up her mind I guess. My mom is my best friend and her and my brother are the only reason I haven’t tried to kill myself. I don’t know why I’m […]
i cant believe my life is turning out this way. i gotta stop it. for the love of all that is good is there ANYTHING i can do to help my family? if not….i may just have to pack it in, cause there wont be any more reason to live.
Ok do my boyfriend watches porn but I don’t know what to do should I be mad. I mean every guy does it. Please help
getting high to forget my lows. its become a habit for months now. I can’t seem to stop. The longest ive gone without being high had to have been 4 days. I know i have a problem. I just dont care to do anything about it, i mean whats the point?
Everyday i wake up and think why am i still here? I don’t want this life. I don’t even know why i feel this way. I just don’t wanna continue on anymore. People say life is too short, but i think its too long. I’ve tried many times to kill myself self harm, drugs, overdosing on alcohol, attempted to jump out of my bedroom window, but nothing has killed me, i think im too scared to kill myself. Everytime i try i think about how much trouble im going to be causing everyone around me the devastation ill leave behind. I like my parents enough […]
i cant help but feel that no matter what i do what pills i take who i talk to it, its never gonna be good enough. suicidal thoughts will not go away, the only thing that makes them dissapear for a minute is self harm, i hope other people understand but nobody i know gets it.
I don’t like to complain and when I do I feel horribly guilty. I have had Depression/Anxiety since I was a child. Growing up I was sexually abused twice and grew up in a unstable home. I have a learning disability and life is difficult most times. This year I finally got help ( after a breakdown) and am on lexapro. Most days the medicine works but some days I’m sad and my anxiety is still bad. I feel like a burden to my family and to society. I’m going to college in two weeks, im scared and excited but what if i fail? let […]
Oh, man… I just want to die so hard tonight.
I keep waiting for the feeling of not wanting to live anymore to go away…then I think I just realized it never will….
This is life now
I was prescribed Ativan for my anxiety, but wen I took it, that shit made me feel so horrible I thought I had relapsed back to day one, before admission to the hospital. So tonight since my urges to cut are bad still, and haven’t subsided at all….my mom suggested I take Xanax which has taken the place of Ativan. More then likely gonna zombify me since I took it with my Seroquel….ugh.
i have been on pils for over a year but i only feel more energy the pils were for taking care of my depresion but now i dont know i have a hatetrid so big but will to hold it down but i dont know were to put over 12 years of hate suffer pain so now i walk arond my doctor say im fine now but i feel emty not a box with a big hole more but just emty and burning i try to hold it away by hanging out with frends but it cant help for ever i feel like im in […]
why do we keep living when we know things wont get better, economy, happiness, love, lust, hate. nothing goes away. nothing gets better. so why both swimming in pool with all these other lost souls. people try to save u but it all just a joke, cuz w eall know im to far gone now.
I am very ashamed of myself. No, my life isn’t filled with constant despair, and I haven’t lost anyone important to me. Nothing that bad actually happened to me. Still, I really want to disappear.
My friends are much more distant than they were before, and I can’t actually mantain a stable relationship between me and my parents. I feel like there’s a hole where it should be my heart, and the only thing that makes me feel better is reading. If I talk to anyone, they’ll probably tell me to stop complaining, and that my life is much better than I think.
I feel like I’m […]
Despite my best efforts, i think ive become my father. when i look at my son, i get torn up inside because he will feel the same way about me that i do my father. i love him, but he is homeless, and will likely stay that way. he has mental illness, though he will never admit it. I have mental illness and health issues. im black, and i kinda wish i wasnt. i cant bare to see my family witness me become homeless too. im trying not be, to find and hold down a job, just like my father is trying to get a […]
So, if any of you have been following any of my posts, Im going through a horrible time with losing my girls. I took over some lime skittles (almost impossible to find now and they were her favorite), a barbie for my little girl, and a card with some cash for her to use on whatever. I left them on her doorstep this morning and said in the card, “you dont need to call or text and thank me, I just want you to know I care and am thinking about you”
She sent me an email this morning that said, “I received your gifts on […]
I want to die.
My blades aren’t enough. Alcohol isn’t enough. Any sort of pain isn’t enough. I just want to drop off the earth forever.
I’m done with trying, I don’t want to ‘wait’ for things to get better. Everything is just way too much, the anxiety attacks, the stress, the schizophrenia is becoming way too vivid. Sleepless nights with endless sad thoughts are what my life has become. The worst part is, I am only 15. This shouldn’t be happening. Why is this happening? I feel as I’m choking on the air I breathe. It won’t go away.
I’ve tried to kill myself many times before. […]