ive become my father (just a rant, not anything serious, feel free to skip) ;)

Despite my best efforts, i think ive become my father. when i look at my son, i get torn up inside because he will feel the same way about me that i do my father. i love him, but he is homeless, and will likely stay that way. he has mental illness, though he will never admit it. I have mental illness and health issues. im black, and i kinda wish i wasnt. i cant bare to see my family witness me become homeless too. im trying not be, to find and hold down a job, just like my father is trying to get a job. should i break it off from my girlfriend and son( not by blood) to spare them pain? i think that is best, though then i will be totally alone until the end of my life or i become homeless. it sucks, but i cant provide for them, and its literally killing me because im losing the only family in my life that i care about. i refuse for them to see me become my father. im just ranting, im months away from doing anything drastic, and im trying desperately to not reach that point. im trying. my friends here help me. i wish i could tell you all how much i appreciate it and how good it feels, however it may not help. i may likely end my life, to save my family and me pain in a few months. but im fighting! i signed up for school, though i cant afford it, trying to get a job, and plan on giving my family every spare penny from my disability check. im just venting cause i got nothing else to do, except feel pain, misery, and loneliness. my gf and son are out of town for the week, and i see now without them, i would end my life very quickly. there are no answers, i know. im just a sad story. im in a depressed mood, but i hope i get in a better one soon. im watching comedies right now to try and help. i guess it does. i will apply for more jobs tomorrow i guess, hope my health gets better, and pray my family continues to love me. Everyone, thank you for the support over the past year. it has saved my life thus far. im just ranting here lol. 😛