SP caged-clown, of hell. Come see me, my humility. If you shall, come free me.
You don’t have to touch me, you can pull me with these chains tied to my body.
If you may, help me destroy it, so that I may live or die, in peace.
The zero child is piety. Air, turn me into rain. I say please.
Leader of humanity, Mankind. In bow, I plea to thee.
My truth. My cards. Illness and death. Two burning towers.
Indeed, I see and feel the world from upside-down. Indeed, it hurts the most of all.
Warped. The child of piety. The next five […]

http://youtu.be/SYBn8847ny0

“I’ve walked through this life never having the intention to hurt anyone or to anger anyone. I’ve walked through this life trying to make friends, not enimies. I’ve always tried to put a smile on everyone’s face so they will never have to know the pain and suffering I went through. I went through this life thinking that if I seen someone that looked like they were going through what I was, I’d do anything to make their day better. Because I believed that I should do more good in this world than the evil I have done. I feel like I accomplished that. There […]

Lately, I’ve felt no emotion. My mind had put a serious lockdown on any type of feeling or emotion that I had. I did what was necessary to get through the day. Well..that is until today. Today, one of my “friends” pissed me off beyond belief. Now, I can feel every emotion that has been bottled up for weeks. I am in a downward spiral and I can’t stop.

rember i said sometimes;

ive been in lots of them.. some times there meanigful, some times there just for sex, and sometimes there just because you need someone to sit there and complement  you all the fucking time… witch is okay, because some times its okay.

right now i am in a relashonship with nick, this is one of those meaningful ones.. before this one i had a boynamed john and all he wanted was sex and i am not secure with my body enough to do that sooo…. there for i dont think i will ver have sex . but some one should always have someone […]

since i was a kid iv always felt like i dont belong in this world. i can never do anything right and dont fit in atall. i have no friends and if i do make a friend they always end up betraying me. i made a very close sucide attempt at 13 and was told my life would get better but 10 years on its not i just feel like im waiting to die to end this pain. every one says sucide is wrong, i dont agree if ur unhappy y is it wrong to take ur own life. iv been a self harmer since […]

So I don’t want to go into too much details. However, I live with my dad and step mom. For the past 3 years I have been sick due to spinal issues along my back all the way up to my brain stem. Basically my entire spine has loosened, and the discs/vertebrae shift.

I have tons of back pain and neurological symptoms. There is a bone in my neck that shifts and pushes on nerves near the brain stem, causing reduced blood flow to the brain. This causes my body to tremble, as well as short term memory loss, inability to think, fluster of emotions, pain, […]

Honest question, one I’ve never had the guts to ask, but I feel like it’s safe to ask here. I grew up ugly, emotionally abused and neglected. It’s all I knew, and every bit of good I did ( raising my sister, joining the Coast Guard, being a good friend no matter what it cost me) was in spite of where and what I came from, not because of it. And I’m tried of fighting against everything I was raised in, just to be a good person. It takes all of my effort just to be normal, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like its worth it. […]

Try not to flinch,

Try not to cry,

Try not to fall,

Try not to Die

I dont know what to do with myself….i feel so lost…ive given so much to accomplish something, and it lead me nowhere… now im back to case 1 and i just feel like shit…all i can think about is death because each time i think about doing something else and moving on with my life … i get this horrible anxiety feeling and it paralyze me to the bone… if anyone wants to talk to me on skype…maybe it would help, i dont know how to get out of this mess…planning to stay at my parents house hidden in my bedroom until i die or […]

Some friends of mine were involved in the making of this song. About youth depression and suicide.  At times I feel as if the lyrics were written for me.

I don’t know why I continue living this pointless existence. I’m an idiot, nobody gives a shit about me if anything they hate me, and things will never change. I went through all of my previous facebook posts and conversations and I feel like everything I’ve said is just so fucking stupid and judging my the number of likes (1-4 max) everyone else feels the same way. This is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been seriously suicidal and now I don’t see the point of taking medication to hide my idiocy from myself, I’m never going to have a worthwhile life. It’s only fear […]

Honestly, whats the point anymore? i hate life, and life hates me, who gives a damn if i go to hell. im already living in it, i can deal with it. And i wouldnt doubt it being  better than my own pathetic life. If anyway i wanna go is going to be overdosing, cuz my mom has a big bottle of sleeping pills, and i could easily kill the whole bottle. Cant do a rope, since i dont know how to tie a noose, and i dont know where i could i put the rope, to hold my fat ass. Cutting too deep, i dont […]