Problems from both inside and outside are drowning me in an ocean of sorrow…I thought I managed to overcome the drug addiction,but this morning I just couldn’t keep my feelings inside without a little ”outside help”,so I started it again…Taking lots of prescription medication with alcohol in order to achieve that disgusting high feeling and then finally black out,only to wake up in my own puke hours later…
If only I could keep my promise to her that I will keep away from doing this ever again…but if I think about it better,she betrayed me…She just used me to get over her own problems,and then dumped me when I was no longer needed…She didn’t ask me to stop taking drugs out of concern for my well-being,but out of concern of people gossiping her being together with a junkie…
…In the end,the pills and the vodka are the only true,loyal friends of mine.I can go into my own universe when taking them…They hold the key to my well-being…They help me when the pain becomes too much…They listen to my last-minute pleas before swallowing them without judging me…Fuck everyone else,I got you…And I will never give you up again…I shall let you help me until my death,which will be most likely an overdose…Pills,vodka,I love you…
To my ex,if you are reading this(I know you once told me you used to visit this site),fuck you,*****.I am not mean to you.I have simply realized that I have the right to be angry about the way you broke up with me…Making me think you were dead for 2 and a half months,only to find out you’re alive and well with some life-loving leech.Don’t worry,I won’t hold any grudge against you.Hell,I’m angry at myself for letting you toy me around.Remember when you told me that since you were with me I no longer needed drugs to help myself?Well,you left me like there was never something between us…Well,maybe it wasn’t.I know I felt something about you,but I’m almost sure you didn’t feel anything.You used me,just like the manipulative slut you are…Now,if you’ll excuse me baby,I need to go back to my unconscious paradise…
PS:I left you about 17 fucking messages on your Y!M,but just so you know,those are from the old Alex.I’ve changed.Ignore all of them.I don’t fucking love you and I don’t fucking want you back.I want no one as long as I have my drugs.So no,don’t bother replying to any of them.
4 comments
Yawn.
Another he/she did me wrong rant.
Listen dude, you’ve got a better chance at winning the damn lottery than finding true love. People look at relationships in one way, and that’s “what benefit can this person be of to me?”
So go pop some pills, pound some vodka, and don’t trust your feelings with another person again.
You’ll get over it in time.
It’s not only her.Fuck her,actually.I don’t want her anymore,but she still managed to leave a permanent scar…Anyway,one of the many reasons for me feeling like this is that I have no one,absolutely no one to care.Along with that,if you don’t consider these ”real problems”,I have a cureless vision illness that will ultimately drive me blind when it reaches the terminal stage…I don’t want to be around when that happens…
Hey look, I wasn’t trying to be mean to you. At my worst I was broke, carless, homeless, heartbroken, and not one single friend in the world. I get where you’re coming from. I really do , and I feel sorry for you. But what I learned from my terrible experience is to not put too much faith in other people. You’ll get through this, and they’re making tremendous advancements in technology so your eyesight might not be as doomed as you may think. Hang in there and good luck.
Honestly, I’m all for people doing drugs if they so choose, but in your madness now, you might really fuck yourself up for later. And I know that present Alex doesn’t give two shits about a future Alex but that future Alex might be really fucking pissed since he’ll be out of options when he feels like
Not being a damn junkie. That girl was a *****. Now, you decide how long you want to throw this dramatic pity party for yourself and start taking steps to be better. Or start taking steps to actually die. Or prepare to lose everything you have to be sucking dick on the street to afford your pill and drink habit. Seriously. The choice is yours. You CAN go back to being ok and having another ((BETTER))girlfriend but you’ll never do that if you’re always covered in your own vomit like a college girl who can’t hold her liqour. It’s up to you.