I’ve seen too many things painful in my lifetime. Too many painful memories. When I was in sixth grade, I learned of a type of music called screamo, and a type of people called emos. I loved being a part of them, they actually felt more human than others. I got bullied for hanging out with them, liking the songs/bands. My dad almost went to jail, and he was the only one who could make me smile at that point. My mum vocally abused me, so the scars would be in my heart, not skin. My dad was the only thing I had. After awhile […]

Now, I’m gonna be completely honest here.. Please don’t think I’m weird but..
I was sitting over there a moment ago, and I glanced over here..and when I did..
My life flashed before my eyes..
And when it did, I saw every morning
With you by my side..

depression is silent, it creeps up to you at first, and then all at once. Sometimes it causes anxiety, a mental disorder. I think it’s funny how most people say I don’t do anything for them, when in reality, I do much more. I fake smiles and wipe my tears to avoid them getting stressed, I don’t talk to them so they don’t have to put up with me, and most importantly I pretend I don’t have a mental illness called depression.

As the lines from one of my favorite songs;

“So what if you can see, the darkest part of me? Nothing can stop […]

I wonder if I should just remain eternally at 16,

just stopping time in its track before it strikes 12 before the 16th of July.

Should I fufill the promise of 10 years ago,

and put an end to this chapter,

or should I break it to stay?

Time whipping by before my eyes,

this deed long over dued,

I’m living on borrowed time.

To disappear into foam while looking at the sky,

to be one with that nothingness that I loved,

to merge with the being known as emptiness and be non-existant.

Strangely I feel content,calm even,

I’m at peace, I am one with myself,

the summer breeze toys with my hair- and I look out into […]

I have this demon, he lives inside me. He tells me that if i cut deeper and deeper , every thing that is wrong with me will go away.

The more i cut he says, the more it will leave my mind. He tells the truth, he is the one that helps me when no one else is there. One day  I am going to be gone, but my demon will live on.  Have yourselves a good night darlings~

For the uninitiated, narcissism is a personality disorder that has (almost) nothing to do with vanity, as we commonly understand it. In a nutshell, “their behavior tends to be erratic, manipulative and centered around themselves. In some cases, a person suffering from this condition can become both physically and emotionally abusive…”

“Typically, those with this condition are unable to relate to the emotions of other people, and see any form of criticism as a personal attack. They may react with extreme rage or violence in these situations, or turn the words of their perceived attacker around to make themselves look like victims.”

A little background: my mother […]

I changed my mind.

I’m trying to cut ties from those who are trying to get close to me. I already have many relatives to mourn for me, but I’d rather not bring outsiders heartache when I free myself. It sounds selfish and heartless, but the pain I feel in my heart gets heavier each passing day. It makes more sense to isolate this pain in one specific group rather than have it explode out of proportion, even though that may happen anyway.

I live alone in my mind with my demons and I’m doing a pretty good job keeping them entertained. They shouldn’t know about these inhabitants, they will […]

“The Sound Of Silence” is track #12 on the album Old Friends Live on Stage. It was written by Traditional, . / Mcglynn, Michael Philip

Hello Darkness my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted
In my brain still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams, I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash
Of a neon light that split the night

Growing up i believed that if i didn’t have enough i could work harder
if i wasn’t smart enough i could work harder
if i wasn’t pretty enough …work harder
if i wasn’t talented, i just had to work harder

When i was younger i believed that if i work hard enough my effort would pay off, that makes sense. But this world isn’t about making sense, instead of being awarded for my effort i had to confront reality.

Working hard is tiring and all those who have intelligence, looks, and talent who never had to work as hard don’t know how it feels to try so […]

Because wordplay.

Here i sit on SP, contemplating mortality, nine-something pm my time, and fireworks whistle and pop, not far away. Three days early. I doubt the people launching them have any real clue just what it is they’re supposed to be celebrating… or how jeopardized and compromised that particular thing has come to be.

I wanted to make some kind of… soup reference, or something, but alas, i’m not in gear for that at this time. It’s just that the 4th of July has been an increasingly stark source of irony for me, since i found myself awake.

I wonder if they know what “Independence” really means.

I […]

SO I HAVE JUST JOINED TODAY…. IVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION FOR ABOUT 7 YEARS IM 20 YEARS NOW…. I HAVEN’T HAD ANY MEDICAL HELP. THIS LED TO ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND AN EATING DISORDER THAT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT. FOR THE PAST MONTH I’VE BEEN GREAT BUT I FEEL ITS GETTING WORSE….

I try and be happy but there is nothing to look forward to in life. all I do is screw up and I cant do anything right. so what is the point? I have been trying so hard but I fill like a decrease and that I just run away from everything even when I go head first in to the problem. but I don’t get the point to life I’m just going to die in the end. So where’s the fun in that there is no one that can make me fill like the world is good. all I see now days is badness […]

Getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t wake up. I feel extremely alone and nothing anybody says helps. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and I just stare at the wall and I feel completely numb. I feel like I’m not really here. When I tell people I suffer from depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder they just stare at me. Many tell me to simply “get over it”. I can’t explain how mad that makes me. People nowadays are not informed at all and they think that it’s easy to just “get […]

In my teens, I was diagnosed with bipolar paranoid schizophrenia. I’m currently 26, without insurance, and no way to afford therapy or medication.

I’ve attempted suicide twice before, first by ingesting a large number of different pills (blood thinners, sleeping pills, basically everything in the cabinet) and the second by ingesting rat poison. I continue to practice self-harm, mostly by tearing at my arms with my nails, or beating myself in the head, for the sake of not hurting someone else because the fact is I want to. I’m angry at everyone all the time, and it has only gotten worse in recent months since my […]

He said that he doesn’t trust me to have our baby and maybe he’s right. He think I will let something bad happen to her.

I’ve considered all of the options. All I wanted was for us to be a family. But he said I’m not good enough to have his baby or to be his family. I feel cold and numb. I have no one. He was the only person who ever loved me. I can’t live without my daughter. I can’t have an abortion. I will never be OK with that. I can’t let her live without me. She’ll think it was her fault. […]

Well my name is Christopher,  I’ve been dealing with depression roughly around 10 years and im a 25 year old. Let me say my journey has not been glamorous. I constantly have suicidal thoughts and have self inflict harm to myself. i do not only deal with depression. I deal with Anxiety, Depression, Agoraphobia, PTSD, and im impulsive. So I sometimes act without thinking clearly. I have my own psychiatric and therapist but im not sure if they help to much and I take prescription medicine aswell not much help either. Im not quite sure why I register to this project. I guess to find […]