Last night I came very close to an exit, I was ready, but I’m not sure what made me wait. I know some of it is my business responsibilities, I don’t want to let anyone down but I’m not sure why it matters so much to me? It’s not like their world won’t go on. I have decided I won’t exit in my apartment, I will take a road trip, no cell. I have enough meds stockpiled to shut my system down completely, just add alcohol. I’m so consumed by darkness – I’m physically never going to be well again, the doctors were plain about that and at 50 yo what’s the point? Alone sucks, pain sucks, sad existence, dark.
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3 comments
I’m sorry that you are in such darkness. I am in the same place. I have always said that being alone is worse than death and that if I found myself in such a position for an unbearable amount of time, I would seriously consider ending the misery. I also want to do a road trip or maybe even an overseas trip…Australia keeps calling me, particularly the outback. Just need to tie up the loose ends with my work and find a good plan.
Overdosing on pills/booze rarely works statistically.
it worked once, If it weren’t for bad timing and the EMT’s a year ago I wouldn’t be here to have this conversation. I was gone for nearly 5 minutes but they revived me, was in a coma for days. I’m trying to not have a repeat performance, I’m at a “whatever it takes” point. Though it does make me second guess my method.