Yup. I’m giving up on the hope that anyone will tell Alexis to knock it the fuck off. No matter how many times I complain, or how many times I blatantly say I want to talk to the store manager about this and file harassment charges, nothing happens. He gets to go around telling people that he has an ex who’s pregnant. Well, guess who the first person people think of when he says “ex”…yup, me. Ok, I want this set straight. I’m a virgin. Never done it. Probably never will. Explain how I get pregnant…other than the God thing, but seeing as I don’t […]
I’ve attempted suicide before. One time I got really close. Each time I was young and didn’t know enough. The first time, I was twelve. I didn’t know you had to go up the road. The second, a couple years later, I wasn’t able to find the courage at the bottom of that deep bottle. The last time, I came really close. Put myself in a two day coma. I was 18 and still lived at home with my family and siblings. I even had a girlfriend. No one knew.
That was the last time. I got counseling, per my girlfriends request, after coming out to […]
i’ve finally decided to do it. the date will be april 30, after watching the new spiderman 🙂 it’s been a great 25 years of life, but the past two years have just been too much to deal with anymore. somebody told me to love myself, and in this sense, i feel like i am. at least i wont feel anymore pain, right?
i’ve decided to use the hibachi method, hopefully, i can find burning coals along the way.
hey, whoever you are, thanks for reading this. i’ve lost people to talk to. i didn’t want to bother my friends anymore, and my family will just label […]
My x is just wow he cheated on me and then all of a sudden today at lunch hes like hey i made a mistake i know and im stupid i lost the best thing ever can you give me another chance im like no
why
cause your a liar and cheater
so what i can change
um no ive seen how you are even now you flirt you cheat you think everythings a game well how about no you dumb fucking liar huh
….wow youre more mean
well so what everyhting thats happened to me i guess makes me abit colder and colder
ok well whatever i dont need you
ok i […]
i’m not mad at people. i’m not mad at the person who broke my heart. i’m not mad at my parents who were supposed to know that i’m not happy. i’m mad at God. it’s been two years that i’ve been feeling down. then you make me happy. very very happy. then suddenly, when i’m up there u crash me back down? i feel like an ant played by a 6 year old boy. ive prayed. LOTS OF TIMES. YOU NEVER LISTEN. so why should i pray still?????????
I might kill myself. I think I am going to use the “exit” bag method with helium as my choice of gas. I can’t take the constant pain, guilt, worry, and sadness anymore. My parents are so disappointed in me. I am everything they never wanted. Unlike my younger sister, my grades are poor, I’m a drug addict, an overall failure. My dad constantly reminds me about how he refuses to pay for my college expenses since I am such a bad student. Constantly asking me, “Which college do you think you will be accepted into?”, in a rude tone. My dad always makes snarky […]
I’m so happy.
I’m so lost.
I’m confused.
Everything is a swirling black hole.
And no matter which way I go,
It ends in some sort of disaster.
Days turn to weeks,
Weeks turn to months,
Months turn to years.
I try to turn around,
Or run forward,
But I run into black holes that I can’t fall into.
And I can’t feel.
I don’t feel anything but,
Unhappiness.
Pain.
That’s the sad but brutal truth.
Sometimes I believe,
There’s happiness in an eternal life.
Humans aren’t born with an innate sense of fear, we’re taught to fear things in life. I fear knives and falling; and for that very reason opted to not take my life that way. But bleeding to death and falling from a significant height is not only fatal, but you pass out relatively quickly or die instantaneously. They’re methods that I’ve been avoiding because of my stupid fear of driving the knife through my abdomen or free falling to the ground. Fuck the plastic bag and struggling! Fuck the tight closet that is completely useless! I’m going to stab myself and whether I become […]
Once long ago, I trod upon a forgotten path. A withered, earthen, lonely thing. A disarray of crumbled stones, wispy cobwebs and a feral forest of rife undergrowth. My besotted mind was dull and addled; undaunted by this road of such a stifling ominous air. Drunk with my own relentless despair I stumbled through this foreboding path with the grace of a crippled cat. I know not when but quickly I saw my world contort, and twist with alarming intensity. My awareness was snatched by a sudden trance; my conscious smothered by gripping delusions, phantoms and nightmares galore. Before me unrolled the intricate fabric and […]
I’ve went from wanting to kill myself to just lost in the ever dark hole of being an at home mom. I sleep all the time. Im missing my kids grow and I know it hurts them…when they say mommy don’t go to sleep agian. I have many diff pills that I’ve thought about just swallowing as many as I could but I just can’t do it. When I look at my children and loving husband I just can’t leave them. But I feel just as bad for even thinking about it…I am Medicaid but sometimes I’m not sure…
I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like […]
The last memories
He made the excuses
It was his choice; he sent the second message only cause he was going through the same as I was in a way. I just thought he never listened what I had told him. The third message he was right to think of me as a bad guy and after the second message, he stopped caring. The forth message, I confessed, I told him the truth, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I told him a lie as well just because i was desperate for the truth from him. He never told me anything, I just wanted him to […]
At school I could always be myself
And I could do that without being hated
Without being critiqued
And just accepted into the group of my friends
Unlike my world at my house
At my house I got criticized
I got yelled at for the slightest mistakes
I got hit even though I did nothing wrong
Maybe living here is why they hit me
Anyway I had a world where I could just be me
And not get hated, or hit, or criticized
I wouldn’t have to worry about making mistakes
Because my friends would always forgive me
But now that has drastically changed
One […]
Why do people push love away before they can give love a chance?
Fear, Frustration, Anger and Heart Break changes that.
Have you ever been so excited and so alive with one person yet for no apparent reason they leave and everything changes? One day you guys are doing so much and are so happy that you can’t leave that person behind, because you think that there isn’t anyone as loving like them or enjoy each other’s company? You’ve done almost everything together and feels like nobody can ever replace them? Then one day, you both wake up. They leave you behind for other people. They lie; make excuses. […]
Oblivion, sweet temptress!
your softly whispered secret
so simple, seductive
offers welcome respite
to a vulnerable ear
in that fractured moment
I fall shaking at your feet
your womb-like embrace
offered so freely, lovingly,
promises fresh, silent wholeness
to a man balled on the floor
but temptress, beware
your mask is slipping
something subtle, sinister
belies your seductive call
you are no temptress
you are a siren
luring poets to their doom
Admittedly, I don’t post prolifically, but I read the posts here every day. A lot of times, the selfishness of parents comes up (i.e. “they’re selfish, I didn’t ask to be here!”), and I totally agree with such sentiments. In fact, I’m here to post a true story that, I think, highlights such selfishness in an obviously negative way. I should mention that I’m actually not the subject of this story; rather, it is comprised of bits and pieces of blog posts by somebody named Anne McCarthy, about her son James (presumably James McCarthy). It is deliberately told in a somewhat […]
I’ve been cursed all my life. I feel like I’m the worst person alive on earth! I suck at everything. I used to be an intelligent student who attains A’s and B’s at school. But now, I’ve been getting D’s and F’s because of my personal problems. I also used to design houses, sing, dance, wirte fictional stories, play chess, swim and go outside but now, I feel like I’m not capable of those things anymore. Depression has been getting over me. I feel like I’m the dumbest person. I’ve never been involved in any of the clubs and school activities because of the feeling I […]
so there is this one guy who works in the photo department at the Walmart by my house and he is INSANELY cute and super sweet. Every time he sees me he comes up and says hi to me and asks how I’ve been and makes conversation… well apparently my mom told him (when i wasn’t there) that I like him… not only did she tell him that I have a crush on him, but he KNEW WHO I WAS!!!!!! This was a couple months ago. now every time I’m in there to get pictures developed (which I do quite a bit because I take […]
I am a 27 year old failure in life I have no reason to be on this earth I have never felt so alone then I do today I have been thinking about taking my life for some time now and the feeling has been increasing for the past several months with today being the strongest feeling of wanting to just end it all I feel as if I have no purpose and the people around me see me as being ungrateful and useless I have to fully agree with the later of the two I have a son who doesn’t view me as his […]
I’ve tried it as a method of suicide. I couldn’t get past a liter without feeling like I was drowning myself in a tasteless liquid. I’m tired of trying all of these methods and getting no where! Its not that I’m half assing my attempt’s because plenty of people die doing a lot less, I’m simply unlucky. I need to find a way to get luck on my side soon, before I’m torn from the only thing that I have left.. my apartment.