So I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for pretty much my entire life.

I really see no joy in most things. I feel like I’ve mostly lived my life for other people, I can’t really recall feeling genuinely happy since I was young. It feels like my life has just sort of been a series of unfortunate events; which would be enough, but I just don’t seem to have the ability to deal with it.

Everyone I’ve grown up with has distanced themselves from me and ignores me now. When I try to make new friends people pretty much do the same. I push myself so […]

Whether you want to be buried, cremated or idk, what would you like your ideal funeral to be like? (Assuming you’d want one)

For me, it’d be small and intimate. I’ve told my family one million times, I’d much rather be cremated. I think it’s cheaper and more environmentally-friendly. No viewing, in my opinion, would be necessary. Just remember  me the way I was. Nothing fancy.

Ideally, I’d like my ashes to be thrown into some body of water–which one? I really don’t care.

How about for you all?

I’m not falling for the hoax

This sick twisted joke

Nothing is real

Except the emptiness that I feel

Keep the stories to yourself

As you file my memory on the shelf

I won’t let my conscience get in the way

Before I let the silence take me away

hi, im trying to kill myself tonight. im thinking of hanging myself from my  balcony with a rope that i will purchase from home depot. any suggestions on which rope to use? i need it done asap before i start cutting myself. i have bad panic attacks and i cant get help. i cant handle them anymore.

I’m having another episode right now.. it’s really bad. i want something to happen… i either want to end it all right now or i want someone to just help me out of this and figure out what I should do next… I’m tired of waiting and letting this happen over andover again. please.

If you ask me, stillborns and babies who die soon after birth are the luckiest motherfuckers. They just…die. No suffering for them. No anguish. Hell, their families probably aren’t (all) that sad over it; they didn’t even get to know their little tike.

I wish I had been a stillborn.

I managed to get the pdf/word file of ‘The Peaceful Pill’. I’ve just begun reading it, but it attracts my interest already. It concerns the way I wanna go, in detail. Hopfully it’ll provide me the missing information that I hadn’t been able to get by talking to people on various forums. Now I’m at the part where the phenomenon of suicide is explicated, in general. I’m really hoping I’ll get the answers to my questions in my head.

I thought I could end it with ease. All I had to do was step off Instead I just sat there frozen. How come I couldn’t do it after all I’ve been through? Everyday wishing it would end. I just can’t understand how I could be scared of death.        I’m such a *****!

 

 

I thought I was feeling bad enough before. But apparently not. I still am trying to make things better in my life before “the date”. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do it. I wasn’t expecting so much drama and heart breaks. I am so alone right now. Everyone is tired of me and my depression. Everyone is so busy. I have nothing to look foward to. I have nobody to love. I have no passion left. I feel empty. I get this impression that I’m trying my hardest to feel better, but it’s never enough. Maybe I’m just not meant to […]

The pain,

Inside,

The dark,

Where it seems to hide,

The walls are closing in,

And the razors?

Well they call my name,

screaming,

loud,

loud,

LOUDER,

Til i cant take it,

I run,

Tears streaming down my face,

My heart,

Pounding,

Finally,

I sit and cry,

Razor in hand,

Back against the door,

Music,

Its blaring out the speakers,

I slowly slide the razor over the soft skin of my wrist,

Blood,

It drips,

A puddle,

Starts to form,

I now can finally sleep,

In peace,

This is how i deal with life,

Cuts all up my arms……

I’d like to die. Right now.

Leave my uneasiness behind; leave the people of my life, leave their smiles, leave the memories that haunt me.

I’m suffering to keep up with expectations, relationships, efforts, i’m tired to keep the unquietness inside, i’d like either to implode or destroy.

This sucks..

it sucks

I trust a girl with my heart and it’s broken as if nothing, I showed her my true colors and she turned them black and white once again what have I done to deserve this? Guess it’s what I get…I never was meant to live truly, there’s always something dragging me down and she has to make it worse all I want is to be worth something but I’m easily replaced, I can’t do this anymore I always plaster a fake smile hoping people will leave me alone, but she always has to come to me about mistakes I made, she said she can’t say […]

Right now all I want is Chinese food a bottle of sleeping pills ( preferably Tylenol pm ) and a big bottle of white wine. I just want to sleep and dream about happiness. I want to escape into my world and be free.

And

The leaden

Stone seared

A passage to the light

So that the darkness might escape

So that the spell might for once break

It sped through the darkness

And it caused no trail of fire

Nor yet feelings coldness freezing

There were no sounds trumpets calling

There were no voices high pitched screaming

No fires brightly burning

There was only darkness waiting

Her arms outstretched

Receiving.

IF I HAD A HAMMER

If I had a hammer?

I’d hammer all the people

I’d hammer all the children

I’d hammer away all care

If I had a hammer

I’d smash this world to pieces

I’d crush away all reason

You wouldn’t have a prayer!

I think you don’t like me

I feel you despise me

That you laugh and deride me

As I walk out the door

I’m scared if you want me

I feel eyes heat on me

I’ve feelings so lonely

But turn to the wall

I want you to touch me

Not ever to trust me

There is something that must be

But wont be at all

I’m scared that you see me

The scariness leads me

More make me despise me

Make hurt me some more.

‘In the garden by the swing sits a

A little girl oblivious of the love

And and joy she brings

There are flowers all about her and

Birds that sweetly sing of the

Joys of tomorrow that a certain

Smile can bring’

There’s a pool deep with water from

Which sirens softness bring and

The pool’s cool and dark with

Golden fish and other things

There’s a rock by a fountain which

Quietly sprays the air and soothes

The very quietness that is spoiled by

Me being there

While she plays with her fingers and

Touches face and hair and is

Surprised by the roughness

And the burnt smell

In the air

Looking all about her at the sky devoid

Stars there […]