i just made the previous post i apologise for my behaviour yeh i was in a deep coma for over a week and near death i came out of it i went into it with such megolomania and expierences i cant explain but i still want to say i feel and know in my heart nothing is to fear and love is forever no point going into it looll
Hey guys! So for a YouTube on my channel, I thought I’d answer some questions. So comment some, please!
A daily reminder:
I love you. You are a strong person and remember that sometimes being strong isn’t always good, because if your constantly strong you’ll eventually feel weak.
I promise you it’ll all be okay.
Maybe not today. Or tomorrow. Or next month. You just gotta be patient, okay?
Just do what you like! Go on an adventure. Climb a tree. Make a new friend. Go to the park and be a little kid again. Make something. Call a random number and ask how they’re doing today. Write a […]
Maybe it doesn’t…
Maybe I don’t…
I wish though…
I hoped…
I thought…
even without saying anything people can find out the truth. we all have that one secret that will break someone’s heart. I had many secrets but didn’t want people to find out. there was only one way out of all this. suicide. but I didn’t have the courage to kill myself. so I found another way out. self harm. I never knew that one cut would lead to so many. I had problems at home the only way out was self harm. people hated me at school they would call me all sorts of names and all their words got to my head and would […]
Heard a song on the radio earlier, the lyrics were – ‘i want to get away, i want to fly away’
It made me think, how many of us want to just get away from it all, i know i do everyday. Just to leave all the pain and sadness  and never look back.
I suppose it’s a nice dream for when things get dark.
I’m 34 and my love life can summed up easily; always the friend, never the boyfriend. I have never been a woman’s boyfriend. After a few dates I end up just their friend, or friend with benefits. Yes, in the end I was being used, but I was content with this, content with being unlovable. I was fine on my own.Â
Then it happened, a woman wanted me as a boyfriend! After a couple months in this relationship I had to make a choice, to fall in love or not to fall in love. She kept moving the relationship forward, she seemed into me. So I […]
Please wish me luck
muted cry of despair
a gruesome play
flung up high in the air
no holding on to no ledge
the rush of adrenaline and the rush of lurking silence
the sky is the poison
seeping inside your head
infecting what’s been left behind by agone parasites
the ground is the healing
take a moment
in mid-air surveying the barren waste
your home
no soul in sight
old ruins adorning it
for the blink of an eye you dare to enjoy the peaceful solitude
gravity sets in
now prepare for another round
between the claws of your slaughterman
My name is Justin Jay Smith. My date of birth is January 26, 1988. My SSN is ***-**-****(included in paper copy only that was left on site). I died from self-inflicted wounds the morning of February 26, 2014, at the address of 3099 Kirklevington Drive Apartment 152 in Lexington, KY 40517. This is my “suicide note” and “letter of intent” if you will.
I will start by saying I loved you Amanda. I truly am sorry for how things turned out. I did try. I messed something’s up, I know. We all make mistakes and mishandle things or ourselves from time to time. I […]
self explanatory
My name is Justin Smith. I live in Lexington, KY. I am 26. Talking with everyone here has been truly uplifting. You are all so awesome in your each and individual ways. I had the privilege getting to know a few of you and got to share thoughts with a lot of you. Thank you for that. I am at piece with this. Not all situations can be fixed, nor are all situations worth holding onto after broken. My life is broken. My heart is broken. I would not say my mind is broken, but my spirit is broken and my will is broken. There […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/10-The-End-of-All-Things.mp3
She lies next to me, breathing softly, quiet whimpers drifting from her mouth as she sleeps, as I am wrapped in a sadness I cannot explain. She makes me happy, she does, but it seems to be more than that and yet, at the same time, less. Inside me, ocean waves pass over my head, tangling me in the current, and I can’t breathe. Tumbled in some form of vertigo in my head, in my heart, while my body lies on the sand, the water barely lapping at my toes.
So what’s wrong? Nothing.
Why, then, do I feel like I’m falling apart on the inside?
I […]
So there’s this girl, she always felt lost and alone in this big world. It seemed like nothing would ever go right. She doesn’t know who her dad is and her mom only cared about the next guy in line to be with. She seen her mom go thru hell and back. She helped her mom thru all her drug addictions but it seemed like no matter what she did she could never get her mother’s love. When she was young her mom dropped her off at her ex husbands house cause she couldn’t take care of her and she thought it was the best […]
I was told by a doctor that the reason I am sick is because I lack positive thinking.
This was a professional medical doctor.
I was supposed to tell this idiot that I would get better in a matter of months. The positive thinking would make it so.
If I did not repeat the words, that I would be healed, then it was my own fault if I stayed sick, because it meant I wanted to remain sick.
I declined.
I have an incurable genetic defect. I have had it since birth. I am disfigured by it. It is not curable.
Doctors….or demons?
Lady, to me, you will always be a demon.
Pen to paper, ink on the page
Unable to let flow the words I made
A block, a wall, something in the way makes it feel like these words are fake. My heart, my soul, my self I used to pour in the paper
The lines, the truth printed out in front of their maker, never forced never coerced out of his mind but now those same words I’ve written a thousand times seem hard to find.
Have I drank the well dry? Is it because I’ve gotten too happy to cry or feel empty inside? Is that where my inspiration was derived? Where my […]
Well this is my story.
I’ve always had depression since I can remember. I never thought I had a chance at a regular life… I’ve had a pretty rough childhood and teenage life. It all started when I was 5. Something terrible happened to me and it changed me in so many ways. I’ve never been the same ever since.. I’ve been rapped multiple times and I’ve was beat growing up by my step father and when I was 14 I found out I was pregnant and my sons father always hit on me, choked me, and controlled me in every way possible. We stayed together […]
Ugh, why couldn’t I just die properly Saturday? Seriously, I attempt to overdose on pills and wake up on a hospital bed under suicide watch, this fucking blows. I don’t want to be here, I want to be dead. I might as well be dead, it’s not like I’ve got anything or anyone to live for. No family, no friends, no dreams, nothing.
Isn’t that pathetic? Being a 16 year old lonely high school dropout living off a trust fund, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, I guess it’s almost like I’m my worst enemy. Oh well, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
as long as these new voices aren’t telling me to hurt people, I think I can deal with them
It’s amazing what a smile can hide.
It’s amazing how much someone can suffer.
It’s amazing how even the little things affect me to the point of getting depressed.
It’s amazing how people are always happy and they don’t even notice how bad I feel.
It’s amazing how easy is for everyone to say “It gets better” when you know it doesn’t.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to talk to me when they need something and then forget me 2 seconds later.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to say “You’re not alone” when deep inside I feel like I am.
It’s […]
I wish you knew….