You don’t have to read the rest of this, I just couldn’t help myself once I started. The questions in the title!

Right now I want to die. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. But then that stupid feeling of how it will affect my family keeps creeping in. Any ideas on how to get over it.

I keep fantasizing about death. It makes me smile now. And I feel like I should kill myself now before the other girl comes back. The girl who is smarter, possibly. The girl who will always be too chicken to go through with it. But right now I need […]

I want to help others more.
Please email me at rochellecate@yahoo.com if you ever feel depressed or lonely.
I promise, I will be here for you. I’ll help you get through whatever you’re going through.
You are NOT alone. I’ll listen to you. I’ll be your friend. Please let me help you.

There’s a story of a little girl. She was kind and beautiful. And, happy. At least, she used to be. That was until middle school got to her. I remember the way her eyes lit up every single day. I remember how she spoke. Just one smile brightened everyone’s morning. She was fun. She was adventurous. She was confident.
There’s a story of a little girl. Who went home from school excited for tomorrow. She always did her homework the first chance she got. She was the loving sister, the helpful friend. She was Daddy’s Little Girl. The only things in her mind were her […]

Every time I close my eyes I see my self doing something I can’t possibly imagine ever doing. It’s as if death is the only way I could ever become happier. Suicide is something I would always be afraid of. Not until this year did I ever imagine it would be possible and not until about last month did I ever actually try it. Sometimes I feel like pills and blades and alcohol are my only friends, until I wake up bleeding or not remembering anything I did. Granted, I do have friends and family who love me but there words of encouragement are sometimes […]

It’s normal to have crushes and attractions to other people right? I know it’s alright, but I’m beginning to grow worried. A week or so ago I went out with a few of my friends, and my crush was there. He’s sweet, a bit shy but still very fun to be with. As they walked me to the bus stop his friends began asking him why he hadn’t asked me out yet (they all knew, even him). It all made me fairly uncomfortable so I chose to ignore it all. Every now and then before that I found myself thinking that he was MY reason […]

Every emotion we feel, all our efforts they are all in vain,

the outcome remains the same and we are still left with pain.

Nothing can truly save you no amount of love or care,

those things condemn you, they leave you in despair.

We aren’t alone open your eyes, all these tortured souls,

but we can’t because we’re so consumed in our own holes.

I love you and that love is what’s draining me dry,

it’s why I spend my days crying wishing I could die.

You feel like a ghost, but I can see you, the real you,

I’m screaming that I’m here, but you walk right through.

And yet everyday I wake […]

Ich bin Allein,

mein Herz zerrissen, mein Glück nur Schein,

meine Hoffnung verlor’n, meine Zukunft gewiss,

mein Ziel der Tod, dann Requiem in Cis.

Du Engel der Nacht,

hast Schmerz gebrochen, hast Flammen entfacht,

hast wirklich geliebt, hast Nähe gezeigt,

warst trotz der Fehler nie abgeneigt.

Wir beide vereint,

wo and’re belächelt, “Unmöglich!” gemeint,

wo Liebe die einzige Wahrheit bleibt,

egal, was die Sonne am Morgen treibt.

I just want to move on to the next life.

I need you right now
Because you’re all I have

I’d rather not get into the “drama” about why I was wanting to die but i will say what put it to a stop, at least for the time being. I didn’t want to end my life by my own hands, first of all. I just wanted death, not suicide, but death by any means I could think of. But the more and more I tried to think of ways i could die without it truly having it been seen as suicide, my mind just started wandering to other things. No super important “life changing discoveries”, no mind shattering “realizations”, none of those last minute […]

I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t thought about taking my life and how I would do it. I used to be the happiest kid ever. I was loved.. I started getting called fat and ugly around 4th grade and I still get it from my siblings.. Since then I have moved 2 times to start “new”.. I first lived In a place with nothing but drugs and violence, yet somehow I found some people who weren’t screwed in the head.. I friended them and we were inseparable.. Then my friend introduced me to this boy. He was trouble and couldn’t seem to […]

The thought of suicide has crossed my mind for years and have often thought how my families life would be affected by my own death? How would they cope, survive ? I know that life is a blink or heart beat away and we should not take life for granted however when your up against a brick wall why live!!! In the past month I have watched more gore movies , binged death, suicide , cemetery, coffins, life after death and so on. Yes I know I’m depressed and on medication but when you have 4 ways going at you at all angles from […]

That’s all I have, myself. In my experience, no body truly cares. I try to reach my hands over the counter, as if I’m the size of an ant, standing as tall as I can, though never do I reach. The only people who have ever cared still are unproven, unless they want something from it. I need help, however whenever I search for it I’m shunned away.  The only person that wants to help me -isn’t my bestfriend, or my mother- it’s a stranger, wanting $125 a half an hour, and that’s the saddest thing of all.. Once I’m gone they’ll never understand, I […]

Everyone seems to lie, because the truth’s too painful. My mother and father l, by trying to work out a marriage that was doomed from the beginning. My sister pretends she isn’t hungry. My mother lies about the man she loves, the man that’s not my father. So where do I stand? Do I lie and pretend I’m happy? Do I admit that I’m not happy and I need professional help, although I’m pretty sure I’m beyond that? Do I keep on saying I’m just tired, that I’m stressed? I’ve been doing this for too long, we all have. Do I lie again, to myself, […]

I mean, I have no real reason to live. No family. Health is terminal. There are movies coming out that I could see, but I don’t see why I should wait to see them, considering the ever-increasing pain.

But. I don’t need to bow out now.

That’s my justification from day to day and hour to hour. “It doesn’t have to be now”.

We’ll see how long that lasts.

People who sit there and brag about cutting to everyone and they shove it in everyones face piss me off you dont go and tell everyone out of the blue i cut because i wanted too. Or people who make fun of it. Its not exceptable. There are people around you who do it cause they feel theres no other option. Who want to tell you off because of it. Because you dont know the pain of the people who do it to feel something again.

Everybody’s got something
They had to leave behind 
One regret from yesterday 
That just seems to grow with time…

 

There’s no use in looking back or wondering 
How it could be now or might have been 
All this I know but still I can’t find ways
To let you know

 

Somewhere in my memory 
I’ve lost all sense of time 
And tomorrow can never be 
Because yesterday is all that fills my mind

 

There’s no use looking […]