I’m at the point where I feel like I’m only living so the people I’ve grown so attached to don’t have to deal with my death. Knowing I’d be missed does feel nice because not all people can feel that. But living for everyone but me is taking it’s toll. I’ve been thinking about suicide everyday for a couple months, each day its becomes more desirable. Even though I know I’ll be missed, I still feel alone. I don’t see my future going anywhere. And I’m okay with dying. But pain is what brought me to this point and my death would cause a lot […]
Things have changed for the better, I can’t believe that things really do “get better”. That saying has always been bs to me, I never believed that things could just one day be better and the suicidal feelings would fade. Ever since having a mental breakdown and coming so close to suicide, my eyes have opened. It’s barely been a week and things are a whole lot clearer. Things only begin to change when you realize they can. I know most of the time it feels like everything bad possible just happens to us, but most of the time it’s the way we handle the […]
At 12 when I did my first depression, I really wanted to die so badly. Then I found that what I really wanted in life was love. Everything I ever did what for that goal and it’s the only thing that makes me happy. The only thing that could keep me alive, the only thing that would make my life worth living. So yea, I needed to be loved and didn’t try to kill myself, it was some kind of a second chance I thought. Second chance… for what? to feel even more miserable, hurt and dead inside? The only thing that keeps me alive […]
Ever been woken at 3 am? Remember being sooo tired that you can hardly move?
Now imagine you’re cold but too tired to get up to get an extra blanket.
Or maybe you have to go to the bathroom but you’re too tired.
Have you ever fallen asleep in an uncomfortable spot, e.g., your car, the living room floor, etc. but you’re too tired to get up?
That’s how I feel when I’m at my lowest point of depression & when I have my strongest desire to leave.
I may want to “get up” but I cannot. I’m just “too tired”. The thought of getting showered, […]
Breaking
I feel broken
I know its not good
To keep feelings bottled up
But I feel if I do tell my feelings
I feel annoying
I don’t know why
And I don’t know how
But I do
I will fake a smile
To make people happy
I will give you a compliment
To make you happy
Sometimes I want to be happy
But sometimes we can’t get what we want
I live a life of lies
I lie
I know I know it’s bad
But its not really lying
More like not telling the WHOLE truth
I want my friends to be happy
I know that in […]
Hi Guys,
Day 20! 20 daily posts!!! Woo… It’s been a rough and sad journey, BUT we are not done xD.
So how are you guys? (Comment below!!! I’ll try to answer…)
How am I? Physically: Drained Mentally: Drained
My physical state… I have a massive headache, I am terribly tired, I feel sick and blech and *sigh*. Right now it’s one of those moods, those depressed suicidal moods, but I will get through it alive… But maybe I won’t I don’t know…. I just need someone there ya know? I just *sigh* it doesn’t really matter how I feel I guess. I mean really does it? Does […]
So i have been diagnosed with postpartum depression and put on zoloft….anybody have experience with this antidepressant? I’m just looking to see any side effects any one experienced and how long it took to kick in? Did it make the suicidal thoughts better or worse? Just any info/real experience is appreciated
I hate bad weather days… I am absolutely useless on days like today. My whole body is in pain and I can’t focus. I want so much to do things but I can’t…it’s like my hand-brake is on and I am smoking rubber trying to get anywhere. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a corner and cry my self to sleep. Yesterday, on a post challenging all of us to tell the truth of how we feel, I mentioned that I had a arthritis flair…well this is why… I can forecast bad weather days ahead of time.
I wonder sometimes how much my physical […]
“How were things before? Surely there had to have been something positive. Had there been anything that really moved me, anything that really moved anyone? Maybe, but it was all gone now. Lost, perhaps meant to be lost. Nothing I can do about it, got to let it go.”
–Haruki Murakami, A WILD SHEEP CHASE
Why is it that in moments of confusion and hurt everything you read, listen to, etc, everything seems to be reading your mind, seems to be about you? Or is it just our broken mind, twisting and turning every word? Trying to find meanings, related to our thoughts and our life; meanings […]
HE KEEPS TALKING TO ME TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHY I CANT POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT HIM THIS MUCH, WHY I CANT POSSIBLY BE THIS UPSET?! ITS BECAUSE HE TOOK ALL OF MY LOVE, EVERYTHING I HAD, AND I CANT GET IT BACK. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. ALL I WANT AND CARE ABOUT IS HIM. HE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK, SAYING THINGS THAT ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE. THERES NOTHING I CAN DO. HE DOESN’T GET THAT HE COULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM. THATS HIS FEAR. AND HE DOESNT GET IT.
IM ACTUALLY SCARED FOR […]
I am sort of in a conundrum and I would like advice.
I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I am in a group of friends that are all dating(or at least have someone), and they were trying to set me up with people. They think that me getting a boyfriend would somehow cure my depression. Well I got set up with this guy. He is a lot like me, he is battling depression and is super awkward.
But I don’t know honestly. I don’t know if I am pretending to like him just for my friends sake, or maybe I’m just overthinking everything. But […]
It seems to be a lot easier to share things here than it is in real life, so- to mark the fact I have put on half a stone (which makes me feel quite disgusting) I really wanted to share my depression and eating disorder story. There’s definitely a lot more to it than an emotionally abusive relationship, but that’s the shortest, and easiest, explanation. I must have been about 14 when I first started going out with this guy. I was at that awkward age where I was terribly unsure about myself and hopelessly desperate for acceptance. That acceptance came in the form of […]
NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO HAVE MY BODY ANYMORE! I AM NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE! SINCE I DON’T WANT IT, ITS NOT HAPPENING! I AM IN CONTROL OF MY BODY NOW!
EVERY SECOND IS WORSE AND WORSE! YOU THINK ITS SO EASY TO WALK AWAY FROM THE PERSON YOU CARE ABUT MOST?! ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! THATS WHY I AM SAYING GOODBYE.
Suicide- I’ve thought of it before. They say it’s never the answer. The answer to what? To the struggle? To the pain? They’ll tell you that it gets better with time. But what if, in an attempt to make life better, or be patient, we went up messing up even more? It is really easy to give advice. But the truth is, that no one knows what we are feeling except us. We are afraid, of what life holds for us. It may be better, but it may also get worse. This ‘may’ starts us off. We can’t take the risk. Really, suicide is the […]
I need you to touch me. Make me feel wanted. Pull my hair, choke me, I don’t care! Just make it sweet. Make me feel loved. Help me believe you still want me, when all the signs say no. I yearn to feel you again, or for you to at least want me. I remember when you loved me… Oh, I remember…
It’s that time again. I need to release this built up pain.
I wonder how far I’ll take it this time.
Some people refuse to understand.
So far, in this short period I call a life, I’ve been hurt by three people. Whoever reads this post will probably be thinking, Only three? That’s nothing. But these three people have really put me down in life and I just can’t seem to pull myself back up. No matter how hard I try and get a few inches higher, I somehow manage to go down again the next day….
I’m not much of an expert on relationships, but I know something is definitely wrong when the “boy” you are with for almost three years ignores you for his friends. He would rather play his dumb […]
I know it is selfish for me to be jealous of my family and friends that are dating their boyfriends or girlfriends. I just can’t help it. Ever since I fell for you and you decided to rip my heart out I just can’t stand seeing others happy. I mean sure I am really happy for them because I care about them, but I just don’t understand why I’m not happy like them. They have everything going for them and a man or lady on there side. Oh man, how I wish to kiss a boy. I haven’t in so long. I just want to […]