What is keeping you on this planet we call Earth?

For me, it’s my parents, mainly my mum. They’d be devastated if I ever killed myself.

So here I still am; waiting, hoping, wishing, that things will get better.

so many things
swirling in my head
so many questions
wondering in my head
so many thoughts
drifting in my head
so many secrets
locked up in my head
so many feelings
caged inside in my head
so many wishes
wanting to be real in my head
so many things imagined
wishing to be realistic in my head
so many things
in my head

Hi Guys,

I guess my life is getting too boring to keep writing these things… So sorry… I might not continue this… I don’t know… So… Might not continue with this… Sorry.

Normal day routine.. Get up and stuff. Except one of my friends and I got into this little mini fight about my weight and I just don’t know. I mean I just don’t know guys… I just… I’ve never liked how I looked. I never loved what my body shape was. And now I’m expected to suddenly love it? And I just don’t know guys…

And ugh. One of my friends just keep threatening me […]

I like sleep a lot! What 16 year old doesn’t. I just have been having trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep. It is killing me everyday because even getting out of bed is becoming exhausting. I am so stressed out and beginning to start giving up. I just want to be able to sleep. It’s slowly killing me inside.

Forgive me for not seeing your view of the abnormal fantasy.

Surrounded by walking feelings, of carefree and feel good sentiments.

Unaware of reality, not knowing how to live in the “now”.

Those tormenting thoughts, echoing the same questions to you, “why..”, and “how?”

Oh forgive me for what I have done…

forgive me for carelessly hurting you..

forgive me, for forcing a new life onto you..

for wanting to prepare you for the true pains of life..

I wanted to release your beauty, in it’s true form, but failed to realize on time, that it just can’t be.

Never again, will those pains bother you.

Never again will the dreams of pure hearts be […]

I am generally a pretty happy person. But when I am sad, I realize that my whole life feels like it is just full of sadness and pain. I wonder to myself…is that really the way my life is going to be forever? I look back and all I can think is that I am always unhappy. I go around and I generally do a pretty good job of putting a smile on my face and creating an idea in my head that I am happy. But I feel that there is always pain surrounding me. Its terrible, some days I think most days I […]

i guess im just looking for opinions

everytime after i watch porn, i feel terrible. i feel like a piece of shit. ive promised my friend (who has the same issue) that i wouldnt do it again, but i keep doing it. i dont think its an addiction because i only do it about once a month, and i dont find myself craving it. its just that, in the moment… i cant really stop myself (or dont want to). im not very religious, so im not sure why im having such a negative reaction. does anyone know why, or have any advice on how to quit, […]

Hi.

The worst part about being on the receiving end of pain, is that sometimes yer smart enough to notice why. Sometimes that makes it better, because you notice reluctance, guilt, sadness. Other times you notice self-indignat anger, disgust, fury, & and a little hatred.

But mostly, one can’t help but notice that people don’ think they’re hurtin’ ya. Actually, they don’t even look at ya. That’s the worst kind. The frigid silence that makes one feel small, the eyes that will not notice, and the title-looking. That’s what I hate most. We all have titles. They float over our heads, self-given, peer-given, mentor-given, lovingly given. But […]

I don’t know, I’m bored. I slept all day. I have nothing to do. So I guess I’ll tell you my story. I’ve been cutting for 4 years now, it started out as something small. Just one cut, then two cuts, and then before I knew it I was cutting all the way up my arm and on my legs and thighs and my stomach. It’s now an addiction. Wether I’m feeling shitty or not. I need to cut. I want to cut. But I’ve tried suicide multiple times, I’ve chickened out a couple times, I’ve failed a couple times. But I woke up one […]

I accidently texted my mom “my parents haven’t said a fucking word to me” that was supposed to go to my best friend. Now I’m locked in my room. Terrified to leave the safe place. Thinking about running away, driving away if I can get passed my parents, thinking about cutting, overdosing. Anything! I want to get out of this fucking place! I want to leave these bitches now! After next year I’m done with this shit! I’m going to live with my best friend. I am so fucking done!!!!

everyone sucks, fuck you

I was thinking today of a conversation i had with a teacher of mine a long time ago now. it was a biology class and she was going on about the whole nature versus nurture, i told her at the time that either one on its own is not important, i went on to talk about serial killers, how a partially damaged frontal lobe is an indicator to seriall killers, but i then went on to say that not all people with that type of damage turn out to be serial killers so logically speaking there has to be another facter, how they were nurtured […]

Do you get that?

Because you think everything is “boring and a waste of time.”  You can’t actually believe it… it must be an excuse to justify you doing nothing to change your life and start living on your own terms.

They know nothing of how hard exactly you’ve worked to change it and they assume that it is indeed possible to change.  Knowing nothing about you, this is the pure assumption they cling to to discredit how you really feel.  That it must be impossible for someone to take no pleasure in doing anything and find that the mere act of existing is the waste of […]

I just want someone to relate to with this. I can’t tell anyone because nobody understands. I don’t know why I do the things I do, ehy I push away the ppl who try to help me. I have such a title to live up to. I’m getting the help I’ve needed for six months, and maybe these pills can repair my brain and help me be who I used to be. I miss me.

it’s happening again. I thought I could move and everything would be better. I’ve tried. I’m exercising, I’m in a new location, I have new friends, I’m pretty, smart, talented, etc. what the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do anything. except sit here and feel sorry as fuck for myself. because that’s all I am is sorry. I don’t know how I’m gonna get better. nothing is working. I can’t do it alone. I need some sort of medical help because this shit isn’t working. I wish I could leave myself. like it’s so easy for […]

The deep and uncontrollable need for that pure dark silence…  The blissfull absence of all senses…  I want it, but I know I am not allowed…

On a good day, the suicidal thoughts used to roam my mind on and off through out the day.  At night, while in bed, no matter what I did, my mind would wander to the topic.  The medication has helped…a lot, but now, with the weather being so unpredictable with rain coming and going and the humidity, my body is contributing to the reasons “why not” and is pushing past the barrier so carefully constructed by the various pills I […]

I post on this website to vent to let my thoughts and feelings flow out through these words. I don’t post on here to openly invite people to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do or how I should feel or to add to the distress in my life with their negativity. I am grateful to the people who have been positive and encouraging. At the end of the day I am me and I will make the right decision for me based on what I know and feel. I always find myself holding on I guess I can’t accept that life is truly […]

first sorry for bad english
This is the last year of my life if i dont change my life in the next 11 months i gonna kill myself so this is my story i am 25 year old and weight 45 kg(i am male) i eat 4-5 meals a day but i dont get weight, most of the time i am mistaken for a 15 year boy and its driving me nuts nobody takes me serios or always makes fun of me i dont mind about when somebody make fun of me because living in this skinny weakling body made me funny(o i just tink […]

sister became rebellious. i got punished for her actions. moved away to another counrty. dad didnt come with. got bullied at school. girls acted like friends but stole from mw.  i switch schools the nwxt year. sister rebells smokes weed and does stuff with a boy. mom hates me . she hits us , and makes us do everything by ourselves. its like we have no mom. at school no one stalks to me for months they think im emo.  everything okay for awhile. dad comes home. spends 20000 dolars all of our savingz. on a lady he cheatdd on my mom multiple times including […]