My friend Sean died from an overdose 2 years ago. He was depressed. He would pop methadone leftover from his dads surgeries/cancer. I came over once and had some weed. He said I’ll give you some pills if you pack a bowl. I said sure. He gave me 10 pills for 5 bucks worth of weed. The pills he gave me go for 10 easy on the street which I found out after he died. I said are you sure? “Yeah yeah I got plenty he says. ” He gave me so many because that was his usual dose. He was popping 6 at a […]

Everything that happens is always my fault! I said one thing and i get screamed at for an hour, being told im a peice of shit.. Thanks Dad, love you too! Isn’t life already hard? I miss everything i had.. I miss my old dad.. but tonight was my last straw.. I’m done.. I want to break my promise soooo bad, and i think i might.. You are soo disrespectful, and mean to me. Yet you have NEVER yelled at my sister like this? How does that make me feel? LIke a terrible person. You blamed me for everything that happened 4 years ago. I […]

I have no feelings anymore. It’s like they all just went away. I catch myself acting the way people think i should react. I get mad here and there, but that pretty much it. Life sucks. 

I hate it when you tell someone your insecuritys, and they seem to take it as a challenge to meet them, and not disprove them, and somehow you turn into the bad person. Ah it seems that my new way of looking at the world is being sorely tested, i wish i was strongly standing against these tests. why is trying so bothersome.

This seems to be the song of my life.

I’m sick in my mental, terminal

Lost in my heart, where to start

There is no beginning, head is spinning

I feel reckless, I feel emptiness

I don’t want this to leave, I want to grieve

Break me, take me

Hate me, wait for me

Don’t leave, there’s more to achieve

This shit is fucked for days, months

I’m stuck in this haze

Where are you

Don’t tell me we’re through

Come get me, don’t forget me

Steal me from this hell, destroy my jail

Let’s both be insane, let’s both release our pain

One day I won’t be here.
One day I won’t show up at school.
One day I won’t text you to say good morning.
One day you will get a call. A message.
One day you will break down from that message. That call. That information.
One day you will find out I killed myself.
One day you will find a note to you.
One day you will read that note.
One day you won’t kill yourself because I killed myself.
One day you will live without me.
One day we will re-unite in heaven.

Someday you are all going to walk into school. And I won’t be there. And you’ll all think I’m sick or something

But then you’ll all be called into an assembly.

The police found my body at my house.

I had committed suicide.

You’ll all think they’re lying, or that I’m in hospital somewhere recovering. But I won’t be. I’ll be gone.

And then you will all go to class. Some of you might be crying, some of you might be sobbing, and some of you might be dazed. Not because you were my friends, but because none of you did shit to stop me.

And you are all going to have to […]

Hi Guys,

Phew the finals are finally done 😀 but of course not my life…. Or my problems… I just… It’s so difficult right now… Just not being able to cry, but so emotionally drained and I just want to be done. I just want all of my problems go away, but no. I have too many. Well… I’m 13. A girl a female a gal whatever you want to call me. And I have been talking to this 16 year old guy. It’s not a romantic relationship, no it’s a friendship, but at the age of 13 you aren’t supposed to be talking to 16 […]

Kevin Michael “GG” Allin (born Jesus Christ Allin; August 29, 1956 – June 28, 1993) was an American punk rock singer-songwriter, who performed and recorded with many groups during his career. GG Allin is best remembered for his notorious live performances, which often featured transgressive acts, including coprophagia, self-mutilation, and attacking audience members.[1] AllMusic and G4TV’s That’s Tough have called him “the most spectacular degenerate in rock & roll history”[2] and the “toughest rock star in the world”, respectively.

Although more notorious for his stage antics than for his music, he recorded prolifically, not only in the punk rock genre, but also in spoken word, country, […]

My story has been heard oh so many times before. The only difference in my plot is a new author, new setting, and new rules. To think I’ve heard the same speech over and over again “never expose yourself to others”, and yet that’s exactly what I’ve done. In more way than one of course. Pretty messed up how we do the opposite of what we’re told. I guess that’s our humanity. I’m not one to complain. I see emotions as take it or leave it. My favourite is late at night when the house is quiet and ebony black I stay awake feeling the […]

I agree that one of the most difficult things about a relationship is for two unique individuals to act towards a singular goal. Of course it’s like any organization like a sports team or a corporate office or even an ecosystem, where all have separate duties but as a whole they accomplish one success after another…

I want everyone to be happy. But why do I feel like the monkeywrench in the machine?

I feel like just leaving.

I hide behind a smile, a fake self if you will. This self is the one I use when at school around friends who don’t know my secret and around family who will judge if they knew. This self has a smile, a retched smile that sickens me even to look. This smile makes me seem as if I’m fine, that nothing troubles me. However the smile may fade and my true self has shown, just a bit at least then I fear..I fear those who don’t know has seen my darkened colors then the smile appears again as something ‘funny’ happens and I realize […]

I notice other people talking shit about me, but I always laugh

I realize other people lying at me, but I always laugh

I hear other people telling me that they don’t like me anymore, but I still always laugh

I starve myself because I’m not thin enough, but I always laugh

I put my eye- Makeup on because I’m not pretty enough, but I always laugh

I cut myself because I don’t feel enough, but I still always laugh

I’m writing you letters that no one will ever read, but I always laugh

You were my first real love and you will stay my last, but I always laugh

You said that you want to Forget […]

Josh Turner’s Long Black Train:

we all have choices every day to make …some good …some bad ,,,,but my whole world is upside down and I am not allowed to work….so if I cant work and pay my bills to the county …THEN I GO TO JAIL.”””””’i live in the mountains above fresno cal. and I have many talents in every walk in life …..I can move mountains .with the faith I have ,,..but I need to be less restricted by the county probation department ………there is no reason for me to be forbidden from any tribal casino……..there is a law that states that ,,,,,,,,my father always […]

Chris.  My email is cdgibson875 at  gmail…

If anyone needs someone to talk to, anyone at all…  I want to help.

I truly love my parents but everything my life has become makes me realize im such a bad investment for them and nothing but a disappointment to them.. it makes me hate myself that im still alive and I would rather die than continue to disappoint them.. I don’t know just figure that dying would save them so much disappointment later on. I mean isn’t it better to just die than keep giving them failures..?

I dunno. I’m just so tired of living. Sometimes I just lie in bed and imagine what death would feel like. I feel so sad but I just cannot pinpoint why! I feel useless and like I don’t belong..

It fucken hurts. I just don’t want to live anymore.

Here I am; haven’t been able to catch sleep all night and into the early hours of the morn. I lay in my bed staring into the dark, holding myself back from taking all this pain away. My boyfriend and parents are asleep, so I need not bother them with my emotions as of now… but I need an outlet, so, I bring you all (who are willing to listen) a (rather long) story.

Why am I really writing this, besides as an outlet? Well… let’s just say this is the reasoning behind why I will never, ever end my life (I hope). I hope some will […]

Hey there,

Second post in here and the last days have been tough for me. In this really depressing period I managed to get my shit together, organize my thoughts and come up with a plan for my life, or its end.

I’m giving it a last try, an effort to make me a better man, see if I can make some good for the world and decide if this is something that can give me a reason to keep going on. I’m giving myself till June 1 to reconsider my decision to exit, not out of fear of death but out of my will to give […]