For years now it’s been the same: I’m second best- no I’m at the end of the line. What did I do to feel this way? I’ve been asking myself that often lately. I’m not trying to get attention, but a little would be nice. I feel as if no one is there that will find the time to listen and tell me I’m not alone and I will be fine. I have friends, but I feel unimportant to them. I don’t want them to see me as the miserable person I am, I want them to see me as someone they love having as […]
I lie there with the pills in my hand, so many times i’ve tried but can’t quite do it. From the outside everything appears fine; decent job, car, house. But, to be alone in your thirties with no kids, no friends, and a family that despises you for everything you’ve put them thru hurts in ways that are inexplicable. Having bipolar, and borderline personality disorder is becoming too much. Last night I had my pills in hand but reached out to a “friend” telling her I needed help and would not make it to dinner. Her reply “take care of yourself”. It killed me. I […]
I shall be quitting the nuissance called life. I will do the gallows dance, latest on 1 January 2015. It may come sooner as soon as anyone would like to join me dropping into the hanging of another life. It will be a pleasure to get my neck squeezed by a rope and dangling for a couple of mins till quitting. Interested? Give me a mail.
Im a student, 21 yrs old, ive always been the best in everything, i have great future and so on but for about 2 years now ive started to become tired of living, step by step ive been losing will. Its hard to tell why, but i feel like this world has no meaning, and this rat race is making it all worse. Now ive actually stopped studying and will fail a year because i see no reason for me to pass, i dont enjoy doing anything, really, i have some good friends, i love my family but i know im going to be a […]
I came out to a few people I ‘trusted’ and the one person, I actually though I LOVED. It was the worst decision I ever made, I though when i’d told people, the bad thoughts would stop! They haven’t, they’ve gotten worse, and now the person I Loved and my parents are ashamed of me! I just want the pain to STOP! It hurts!
I’m 15 🙁
they ,hurt like hell when you wait ,when u need that contact,a thousand things run through your mind ,how ,where ,when ,what im gonna do ,how much do i wan na suffer,or quick?god even a couple a day would keep me going ,along with the feelings,…honest right now ide knock an let her have at me an have enough to say back,i said by your side an i dam well ment it,just don’t forget i’m here,worried,missing an thinking a lot.
I might be gay.
I’m confused as hell, and the embarrassing part is that I’m 28 years old.
I’m one of those homophobic closet cases.
I slept with a guy once. I was very drunk, and crazy shame and fear came over me during the act and I just left.
I started smoking even more weed. I seem to unconsciously turn to it when the pain gets to much.
My best friend who was living with me at the time started abusing amphetamines and got a psychosis.
My girlfriend broke up with me.
I started getting a lot of success with my business that I totally was not prepared for. I started […]
If I could only join you my dear David
My girlfriend told me she was in her friends pants (I hate that friend). And it hurt because I’ve been cheated on a lot at this particular time of the relationships. After that I went To class. Class ends and its after school. And her friend walks down the school hall we were at and says “your gf was in my pants” and walks off I told her I didn’t care and she needs to shut the hell up. My gf goes “you care” and I wanted to cri. I went home, so did she. I asked what she meant by what she said and […]
I’m so over having to constantly lie about how I feel when somebody asks whats wrong. What am I suppose to tell them I want to fucking die? I can’t. I can’t talk about things that bother me to anyone cause or learned you can’t ever trust anybody. Ever. I hate myself so much every thing about me annoys me. I constantly feel like shit about myself and I only have myself to blame. I’m always so alone no matter how many “friends” I have. Not to mention I’m 15 and have never had an actual relationship. People constantly tell me I’m “perfect” and […]
Its late now,
I shouldn’t be up writing on this but I feel the need. Truth is I’m a hopeless case, I’m in a busy year of exams in a prestigious school, I’m training for big competitions in sport and I cant cope with anything. I recently moved to this prestigious school, leaving behind all the friends I had grown up with, the people at my new school are nice don’t get me wrong but I miss my old buddies and it doesn’t help that we don’t talk that much either. I have never been diagnosed with depression but I know I have it. I […]
I have been hanging onto life by a thread, knowing the whole time that I would one day take my own life. Everything was already terrible in my life for years now, I won’t bore you with the details, but life circumstances and mental illness has made my life unbearable.
This week, someone robbed me of every penny that I had. Pretty pathetic because it was only a few thousand dollars, but now I’m broke and owe money too. This was just the final straw. I can’t take another week of this life. I can’t start over as I am unemployed and have a partial disability. […]
As I’m sure is the case with many of you, my story is fraught with pain and long-standing suffering. For sake of brevity I’ll cut to the present; intense chronic pain (fibro, tmjd, migraine), BPD, major depression, and general/social anxiety are all part of my day to day experience. At this point, it wouldn’t be an overstatement to say they ARE my day to day experience….consuming all the joys that life once presented. I’ve increasingly thought of suicide as a valid option to the never-ending plight I’ve endured. I look around and I see little worth continuing this fight for. I don’t want what this […]
Rain makes you stay at home and think and think and think. Know what happens when you think too much? Bad things. Worse things happen when everyone forgets those to whom the rain hates.
Self mutilation has been an addiction of mine since I was a high school freshman. And it’s been a constant struggle to not do it for the past few months, but today the urge got really bad. I can feel it in my arms again, and that’s when I know it’s getting closer, last time I felt this I broke a mirror and used the glass to give into the urge. But today IÂ can feel it from my fingers to my shoulders all the way up to my neck, and I’m afraid of myself right now. I’m afraid of falling under again for the […]
I’ll kill myself today
If you choose devotion over low life
I’ll kill myself today
If you put direction into a world with no daylight
If you fantasise about your funeral, I understand, I’ve been there before.
If it’s more important in the music playing than who’d attend, we are the same.
With heads to the ground, as I’m lowered down,
There will be a chorus
An overwhelming sound.
i love my girl an a jack ass has fixed it so i can’t talk to her for a long time ,accept through a good friend.i was about to leave an go for a bridge walk when i got the message,yet she saves me again from a cold water walk.,she’s the only one who understands me an loves me for me ,an this ass has too step in.were for a couple months in differnt countries but together almost 3 years,he has been a pain in my ass since the beginning!! i even talked him otta running away,but he doesn’t know how to back off,she has […]
I’ve gone about two weeks without my meds because I can’t afford to refill them. Ihate asking for help but I’m debating if I should ask my dad for money for a refill. I don’t know what to do. Should I ask or wait out two more weeks for a paycheck.
I had a small but monumental victory last night in my ongoing healing process from abuse.
I had a dream I was in my grandfather’s house and my parents and other family were there. (In reality, he was my primary abuser.) In every other dream, I would run and hide, and he would naturally chase me and try to hurt me.
I started to hide, but then said no – that fucker is dead (he died about 28 years ago) and I’m not putting up with this any more. I walked into the main room, looked him straight in the eye, and said “You son of a […]