I just can’t do this anymore and no one in my life understands.  They don’t understand that I don’t want to live. I see no purpose in life. You go through so many hard things to just die in the end.  I hate living and telling me things like “At least you have it better than people in Africa” doesn’t help. It makes it worse. If I could, I would give them my life, if that would mean I wouldn’t have to live it anymore. People keep telling me that God put me here for a reason, but I don’t believe that we go to […]

ended my relationship through a “mutual agreement”. Now I’m alone. I like alone…

January: did mocks exam …. Restarted school terms
February : got suspended and dropped out of high school , meet my best friend / ex boyfriend / witch guru , found my ex girlfriend was pregnant , failed suicide attempt
March to May : studied for exam and did some
June : did some exam started a new rship with a old friend , had to deal with her getting rape and kidnapped by her brother which lead in July
August : lost my gf to said best friend was in a new rship with this guy got engaged to him almost lost him to […]

Hey everyone. Reading post after post of suicide wishes and sad, dark thoughts takes me back to a place I used to be very familiar with. I can empathize with you and I understand what it’s like to be alone and have no one. It’s a terrible feeling and it usually can’t be expressed with words.. But I would like each and every one of you to just take 2 minutes to try something for me. For you. Close your eyes and let your mind quiet down, it may take a minute but it will if you let it. After it’s quiet think of something, […]

I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression, well since i was 15, is when i felt the horrible feel.

I wish i never felt that way ever again, and i would do so, to not feel that way again , is to not put myself in that position.

I fell in love again , and no this one isn’t a mistake, it is perfect. So perfect that it shows my imperfections.

Which introduced the horrible feeling back into my life. I’m 18 now going on 19.  I fell in love 5 days after my birthday and been that way ever since. This relationship has showed me how broken […]

I’m not expecting much from posting this. I’ve posted things on online forums before and never had a response from anybody. I think I’m just hoping that if I get some of this out I’ll feel a little relief. I don’t even know where to start. I don’t have a problem relating to other people’s stories but I have yet to find anybody that feels they can relate to me. My whole life I have felt out of sync, like I don’t belong in this world. Sometimes I honestly believe I wasn’t supposed to exist, and that’s why everything always goes wrong in my life, […]

my house is like hell i dont feel safe everybody in this house hates me and i hate them. my parents are divorced my moms a total ***** she acts funny around everybody making stupid jokes acts all nice in front of strangers but her other side is scary  she hits me yells at me and sometimes belts me i get scare i 1 time called the police because it was to bad my mom was hitting me and left a mark then i called the police they didnt do nothing about it the cop just took there side i had no one in my […]

So I have been cutting for alot of years and the reason for that is because to other people and myself I am an ugly weird stupid fat girl who doesnt know anything and I dont know how to stop cutting can somebody please help me, I used to feel beautiful now I feel like a piece of trash..

Hi. I’m 16, and people say that this is going to get better. I’m sorry, i’m not really seeing it, Maybe it’s because i want it better now, not tomorrow, or next week, or next month or year. Now. I’ve gained weight, and i can never sleep, i’m just not interested in anything. I want out you know? I’m just tired of being someone who noone needs.

I don’t know what’s triggering my depression, but I want to know. It’s driving me fucking nuts and I want an answer. I’m suffering from bipolar disorder and that can cause it, but WHAT THE HELL GAVE ME THE BIPOLAR DISORDER?! At this point, I don’t know. I’m about two seconds away from having a major anxiety attack mainly because I had a dream about me being happy. I woke up and I wanted to cry. I need help. Like, really. My depression is getting out of control and I want to end my life, but deep down in a dark and secretive side of me, […]

Everything is wrapped up. Letters are sealed. Things are organized. The method tested. My ocd is almost satisfied.

I was hoping that tonight will be the night but I’m thinking tomorrow night works better. I’ve been tooling around on this site a bit and I feel like I have more left to offer. “Leave things better than what you found them and don’t step on anyone’s toes if you can help it.”-Me.

That and I’ve got a big mess to take care of to save others the trouble (I’ve got two ferts that deserve a fresh setup).

A few people here have hit the nail on the head […]

I feel so alone. Everyday I go through the motions. I have no purpose in life. No meaning.    I just want to be with my wife but she is so far away. She isn’t like me. She’s not alone. She’s happy. Much stronger than I am. I treat her like a queen. I do all that I can but it isn’t enough. I just want her attention. Her love. Why did I choose this life? I am so lost and alone. My wife is deploying so I will be even more distant from her. I don’t want to die but what else can I […]

I’m a girl of 21 who’s not interested in life anymore. I’ve tried so SO much to fit to society but couldn’t. I’m becoming messed up and put on the most fake front in order for people to believe I’m fine. I’m not.

I can’t say I’ve been through the worse, but no matter who you are, you always end up having problems, big or not. Well, I’ve always had a good family background, except on my mother’s side (my maternal grandparents) that didn’t like my father for religious reasons. Until the age of 10 or so, I had never met them. And when I did, […]

I’ve been lying to my family and my girlfriend for the past two years. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t find a way to go on with these lies. They love me so much. I’m so ashamed…

Now what i need is some charcoal and a locked room…

These past 16 months of cutting, restricting, suicidal thoughts and general self hatred have come to an end. Those months feel like a movie, the days flowing into one another, a black on black photograph finally developing into a dreamy abstract picture. Its over. Its done. I think I’m okay now.

No. I know I’m fucking okay.
I made it out alive.
I made it with countless faded scars and healing but aged deep red ones.
I made it out with a tally of 10 suicide attempts.

I finally got the guts to ask my 10-month-secret-crush to be my girlfriend.

I’m still going to be […]

There’s an italian film whose name is The sweet life, directed by Fellini, that describes what a couple of freaks like me feel.

There’s a famous scene in which an american actress takes a bath in the night into a fountain, and Marcello, the protagonist, just stand there, looking at her, as he always does: looking at people roaringly living, without knowing wheter he should get into, or stay out.

He has a job he doesn’t like, a woman he doesn’t love, an expensive car he uses to hang around in Rome with his lover, whom he doesn’t care about: he isn’t presumptuous, at all. He doesn’t know, he […]

Don’t you guys just hate those days your almost paralysed by depression and nothing seems to be able to get you up. Not even a little bit. Always worrying about something.
I hate those days.. I really do hate them..

I’ve been feeling suicidal for the past 2 years I mean school just stresses me out a lot especially since finals are this week and I just feel stupid then there’s my self esteem I just don’t even feel decent no more I feel like monster apart from that family problems especially my sister she always talks shit to me and makes me feel bad and fat she acts like I’m her maid she yells at me hits me and she also tells me how she wants to just hit me so hard and punch my head against a wall and etc she also talks […]

today i spent whole day sleeping,after taking my ketotifen drink i woke up 12 o clock my head spining and so drowsy i didnt do anything ,just hearing mom s nagging ,they kept asking me whats wrong ,thought that if i drink it i ll sleep more but it was just half cup ,im feeling even bad .

Ok so idk if any of you get this but I have really bad memory about things that I’ve said or happened in the past. I’m not saying that my memory in General is bad bc it’s not I remember a lot of things from the past it’s just I remember the “wrong ” stuff I guess you could say I don’t remember the things I should and it’s bc I remember little dumb stuff like how ppl treated me in the past little arguments just the negative stuff from my past and it’s so upsetting when im having a conversation and I don’t remember […]