Forget segregation separating everyone , forget the different skin colors, forget white rights and black rights, forget the culture of your ancestors, forget trying to preserver something that isn’t right…

My solution to racism is to love a different race, and have mix kids.Its just theory, but if one day we only procreate with other races eventually we will all be ones race, rights,.therefor we can end racism.

Back in May I tried to kill myself. I thought the only person I could talk to about it would be my bestfriend, but then he told my mum because he didn’t want to loose me. I’ve had counselling but that hasn’t helped. I don’t want to tell my mum because last time she found out I was depressed, it broke her heart. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sick of it all. Getting called names at school, yeah they might only be names but name calling really hurts. I even get bullied because of the fact I’m half Indian, like seriously if […]

It can be pretty depressing not having friends and having a dysfunctional family. A weird added stress is thought that my crack-head neighbor could snap any day. It’s hilarious because he is the stupidest crazy out there, but not so funny because I get freaked out at night knowing he lives right in the adjacent apartment.

About a week ago he left ramen noodles out on our porch and  put up a sign on a piece of paper that said health hazard. It was a stupid attempt at an intimidation tactic, because we complained to the authorities about him shooting guns in the backyard. He had […]

It is saturday night and I am hanging around suicide project and peaceful pill forums. I have no family, no friends, general anxiety, depression, no social abilities, no self esteem. I’m so exhausted of insomnia that it hits towards psychosis.

What I have is two bottles of ******** in front of me. And Metoclopramide. And a bottle of Russian Standard Vodka. All you need.

But I will carry on. At least one try I will give it. I will fly to Sevilla in Spain and walk all the way up to Santiago on my own. With a tent and sleeping bag. Its the first and the last […]

You ask me what I want and get angry when I reply, “I don’t know” for the umpteenth time in a row. How do I explain that I want to be here with you but at the same time I would give anything to be away from you? How do I explain that you make me so happy but at the same time I want to carve your name into my arm? How do I explain that you’ve finally given me a reason to live but at the same time you make me want to die even more? I don’t say, “I don’t know” to […]

So, Monday I’ll be firing my pistol at the range for the first time in 15 years to be sure it still functions okay. I’ve cleaned and oiled it and gotten fresh ammo. I’m determined to end my life as soon as possible. I want to jump off a bridge and shoot myself in the head as I go over the rail but its in the mountains and it’s predicted to snow there this weekend. I just have to wait until the weather is good enough that I can make the drive there. Holding on even a couple more weeks is going to kill me. Booze […]

Tonight is the last night forever for me know I have tried to kill myself but I know that tonight is the night I say goodbye to the world at midnight I will be gone no one will have to worry about. Me ever again as I’m a foster child people look down at me and I see it in people’s eyes even my boyfriend who acts like my dad and not in a good way he acts like I’m a possession and I feel unloved im scared of him

– I worry a lot

– I always think of others before myself

– I always afraid of losing someone

– I always think about my friends A LOT like  what are they doing right now… who they talk to… where are they going?… am i invited?

– I always CARE and care A LOT of their feelings but they dont mind MINE

– I always wanna talk to them.. as the matter of fact that i always alone and have no one to talk to except calling my friends everytime … i think they already annoyed by me

– I’m afraid of losing someone

– I worry a lot about my […]

Mine’s Fade to Black by Metallica.

12 pills is how many I took on December 23 two days before Christmas. Dozens of cuts on both wrists and “mistake” and “fat” carved into both thighs. It didn’t take long till my family noticed something was wrong. On december 25th I was rushed to the emergency and a few hours later put into a physc ward. It’s dec 28th today and I’m at home I get these “passes” to stay with my family for a couple of days till I have to go back. A mental ward is not a place you’d want to stay. It isn’t the funnest place either so don’t […]

I’m confused. I’m confused about what actually is classed as bullying. Because I’m being called things everyday at school by the only two people who I would considered my ‘friends’. ‘*****’ ‘Stupid’ ‘Annoying’ ‘Mistake’ ‘Two-faced’ ‘Horrible’ ‘Pathetic’ ‘Freak’ ‘Whore’ ‘Psycho’ They even make fun of my surname, changing it from Howe to ‘Hoe’, and writing it on everything – even my school work. And also one of them used to hit and kick me, though they haven’t done it for a couple months. And I’ve read online that being called things everyday is considered bullying, but I was sure it wasn’t. Now I just don’t […]

My father was dead in September this year. holy shit..My mother died on 2008 when i was 12. now i’m 17. but as the matter of fact they are not my real parents. They adopt me from my real parents since i was a baby. fyi, my foster parents and my real parents are relatives. They are all dead. i mean, my foster parents. but i really wish that they were my REAL one. i’m actually HATE my real mother. she told me in my face that she is not my mother and i’m not her daughter. she’s a ***** i think. sorry to say, […]

I feel the need to say sorry.

I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused you.

I’m sorry for ever letting you into my secret life of despair as I have tainted your happy life with my depression.

I’m sorry for ever thinking you’d care about me.

I’m sorry for barging into your life.

I’m sorry for not being there for you when you were there for me.

I’m sorry for the way I treated you, as my diary.

I’m sorry for thinking I’m the only person with problems not realising that we were both facing the same issues.

I’m sorry for becoming so sad all the time, ruining any chances of […]

does anyone ever feel broken? like you are happy but then theres always tha tone thing, that one person who just tears you down. sometimes it seems like they dont even care, and other times you think they care of maybe you imagine that they do. they always share to you about their problems, but when you try to talk to them…. its awkward and it feels like they are absent. :/ i get sad alot…it comes in phases…ill be happy but then ill think bad thoughts and then its all i think about….

You guys, im just falling to pieces. and then stepping on them to make it worse. im in a trap right now, need someone to talk to. It is hard right now and I don’t understand what to do or what to say. im dying inside but perfect out. I  have to be “happy”. That’s the way they want me. and I mean, who am I to say that’s wrong ? I want myself happy. but I don’t know how. Please help..

I was told about this site and I was told it would help. I just really need someone to talk to.

Daily i wish i could find a way to kill myself. Tired of this life. You trust people with all your heart and they end up back stabbing you. You lose hope from humanity. There is nothing that can give you hopes to survive. I have put all my heart my life on a person. fought with my parents ignored my friends and at the end now i am left here all alone. I cant explain to people what happened and why. He still comes to me to say he cares but he likes someone else. tricky.. i get hopes and and then next minute […]

I’ve been spending the last few days with relatives. You know, for the holidays. I gotta say I’ve been having fun. Maybe it’s because the burdens of my MDD feel lighter. It’s quieted because I’ve accepted my suicide. I’m happier because I know in about two weeks I’m going to be gone. I know this happiness can’t last and once they leave it’ll all be back. But I’m at peace with my decision. I’m just happy to be done with the world and my failure of a life.

I feel so lost maybe this is what people call a mid life crisis.  I don’t know if I am really suicidal or just depressed. It is just hard to imagine continuing life the way it is indefinitely. So I figured I would tell my story and maybe get some advice.  We come from a small town in the Southern US what is typically refered to as the bible belt. So growing up that was all I ever expected and all I wanted. To fall in love and get married and have a family. Things seemed to work out perfectly.  I met my husband in […]