You say you do. You say you understand. You say things like, “oh, I know exactly how you feel,” and, “I’m always here for you, I’ll never leave.” …but then there comes the time when you know you’re truly alone and that’s typically when you need them the most…and then they say, “well why can’t you just get over it?” and, “do you like being this way or something?”

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Well, what they can’t seem to understand is that in some cases you don’t want to change or get better, and in other cases, you simply just can’t…

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Sometimes even managing to open your eyes in the moment […]

It’s crazy how the most simplest thing like a few extra pounds can make someone want to die. How a model in a picture can make a difference in someone’s life so dramatically that they want to be like them or die trying. It’s crazy how people will scar themselves because they hate their body so much they want to hurt it because it won’t go away. Becoming so obsessed where you can’t even go more than 5 minutes before you’re wondering about what your stomach looks like in this outfit, wondering if people are laughing at you. Hating yourself because you ate something fattening. […]

So i was talking to someone about depression and their situation they were in. She said there was always hope that she might be able to get out of it. Thats why she carried on because every now and then she would experience something akin to a realization that things will get better. I think most people do. I think that is why most people do not kill themselves. They have these moments in life that might be small but are extremely profound. They have people who rely on them and that they rely on .

I realized i do not have this. clock in , […]

Statistics show that suicide rates are low during December through the holidays.  I guess that makes us not so selfish…that we hold on so that our death doesn’t taint holidays in the future for those we leave behind.  At least in my case, getting through these last few weeks is just getting harder and harder.  I’m so ready to go, but am doing my “best” to linger until Christmas has passed.  Unless they’ve felt like this, they probably will never understand how hard it has been to delay the inevitable…waking up everyday just wanting my life to end and praying for the strength to just […]

My name is Rachael. Im 17 and I have always been screwed over by guys. But what I do is I let them walk all over me and I will still be the one that apologises. I do the same thing with my “friends” to, they can bully me and screw me over as much as they want and I still wont care. you know why? Because I’m so scared of being alone.
Well, I’ve had my heart broken that many times that I have pretty much ruined the only good guy that I’ve met. I have a boyfriend at the moment… lets call him…. Dean. […]

It’s been another year of being alone sitting here with my thoughts and reflections I’ve fucked up I’m hoping to be dead come Christmas morning it’d be the best gift I could ever give!!!

I was 15 when I tried to kill myself. It was march 29th 2011. I had been in a deep depression since I had run away from home a little less than a year prior. My parents were drug addicts and my dad was a felon and a drug dealer. My mom was a paraplegic and a slut who fucked everyone and anyone. My older sister was a sociopath that murdered our rabbits and one of our dogs and tried to kill me with an axe which ended up with a trip to the hospital when I was only 5. Now that we have a […]

I’m still just waiting for that day to come again. The day where I’m not particularly excited over anything but I’m also not planning how I want to die or thinking about calories and cutting. What happened to all my normal days? The ones that filled the gaps between the good ones and the bad ones. Now it’s all just one big blur of anger and sadness. I hate it so much.

Have you ever hated yourself so much, and despised yourself so much that you threw up? Or that you wanted just to destroy your self? God I hate me.  And everyone who cuts themselves or starves themselves or hates themselves knows it. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I hurt deep down so much that it bubbles up and I keep lashing out at people and then they hate me and I hate myself more. It’s a lethal circle.

I hurt because I feel like a failure who will never amount to anything. I know my friends who know about this are getting annoyed because […]

Well, here it is. Since I cannot actually pinpoint an exact event in my life to start any explaining and/or story-telling, I will just start from the very beginning; my childhood years.

5 – 7 years old

My kindergarten and  first-grade years. This was a while back, so let’s see what I can remember. I remember that in these years I was pushed around a lot, and experienced my first taste of being bullied. In these years I went to day care and there was this one girl, Madison. We were friends, (or so I thought), but looking back now I see that it was not the […]

so I don’t exactly know what to write, i feel like one of those typical depressed teenagers begging for sympathy. thats basically why this is the first time I’ll be talking about the way I’m feeling. i always feel like I’m bothering someone or sounding stupid if I talk about how I’m sad but I’m doing this not for replies but to just so I can get stuff out .. well I’m sad, obviously .. found this site from patheticly googling “how many sleeping pills will it take to overdose” god I’m a joke. it’s just like everyday I […]

I’m in a bad place again. Roads are icy and all I can think about is wrecking on purpose and dying so it looks like a real accident. In other words, suicide is always on my mind. I’m slipping and have no one to tell. . . Also opinions on checking yourself into a psych ward?

I wish telling people  how you feel was easy. I wish telling your parents that your suicidal and depressed was easy. I wish ending my life was easy and that it didnt hurt the ones closest to me. I want to just grab a knife and slit my wrists and lay here bleeding to death.

I am 14 years old. Suicidal, Depressed, and Anxiety disorder. I was never like this.. till grade 6 when my life fell apart. Lets just start from the beginning.. When i was younger my parents had split up.. well actually me my mom and brother ran away from my dad.. because he was abusing my mom and she couldnt take it anymore.. behind my moms back he was abusing me too, but she doesnt know that. After a few years she had met a guy (Lawrence) he was alright at first but after awhile he started abusing me and my older brother .(Lets just call […]

so its the end of the year-time to reflect. the grand conclusion you come to after reviewing my chart is that there is no mirth expressed anywhere. i don’t think that should come as any surprise to anyone. after all this site is about suicide. i see a shrink because i have major depression. not seeing where mirth fits in this scenario. btw you most definitely make me nervous/anxious. you have the power to incarcerate me and having used that power earlier in the year i try to mind my manners. it is not just you however. Wendy has been  added  as we have recently […]

If u could be doctor manhattan would u? to know ur entire past present n future simultaneously, to b invulnerable n never fear, never die or age, have the ability to manipulate even entire planets with ur mind, to be the only one of your kind, having to watch the world and those around u die n age as u remain forever the same, to be alone?

it was sinve the passing of my mother that ive lost that fullness in life, i feel empty. i lost my mom back in 2000 from cancer, there is not a day that goes by that i dont wish death upon myself. this last year has been a testament to where my life is going. 2yrs ago i fell 20 ft, landed on my head, suffered a severe head concussion and broke 3 vertebre in my back. my life, my thought process, my speech and even my movement was impacted by the fall. ive been wanting to end it all . im planning on using […]

i always feel like its just me against the world. Ive always been the kindof person with a sort of protective bubble or shield around me that no one can penetrate i kno my little bubble isnt ideal n wont help me feel any less lonely but it keeps me safe it makes me feel like i can handle things it gives me the confidence to be able to do things and kno that i will withstand the pressures of others. I also focus almost exclusively on myself making sure that when all is said n done that i achieve what i set out to […]

What scares me the most is how calm I am. How calm I am right now, and also how calm I was earlier this evening when I went out to do it.

Literally 45 minutes ago I was in a wooded area in a field, scarf tied both around a tree and around my neck. But I chickened out. It was weird, walking towards that place I felt no fear, regret, doubt. There was no inclination I would back out, intact I actually stood still at one point and said to myself ‘look, if you don’t want to do this turn around right now, I won’t […]

I wish I was a writer so I’d be able to write away these feelings, but I’m not. 26 letters, millions of ways to arrange them, and not a single one can set me free. Loneliness is a bitter thing, the way it creeps up on you. You can be surrounded by people, and still not belong. All I want is a place in this world, people who actually like me and want me around. I don’t want to be known as ___’s friend. I once belonged to a group of friends who decided they were fed up with my shit. The one year we […]