I walk with you. I never question where you take me, I am blind, I follow
Lines add up, blood pools, I am blind.
People stare and gawk, I follow.
I need you, I crave you, I am blind.
You bleed me dry, you break me down, I follow.
I cannot look in the mirror, what have I done.. I am blind.
I walk with you down the slices on my body. I am blind, I follow.. Never to question.

I wish i was never born. my mother has bipolar disorder. she is a crazy unpredictable psychopathic *****. My dad tries but she is just poisonous. my dads slowly become quite the alcoholic. i hate my life. i hate this planet. i hate everyone and everything. I dont want to live. i want to die. why do i even exist? why would someone place me in a living hell hole? and i try, i try so hard but im damn near…no i have given up. its just a matter of time

Sometimes I feel like there is not point to live, actually that’s all the time. All I seem to do is mess things up: relationships, friendships, plans, my family, you get the picture. For the past year or so I have been self harming myself (cutting) because I feel that is the only way to be happy. Once I see the scars I’ve created and the pain I feel, I actually feel happy. However; cutting is not going to help me to be everlasting happy. To make things better for those around me, I have decided to commit suicide. New Years Eve. New year, no […]

Some days I’m happy, but then I wake up to this

murky feeling, tugging on the apex of my struggling heart,

telling me that I don’t

deserve it.

The blood rushing out of my carotids

warming my neck all while carrying this

algesic discomfort

congesting my airways.

But what can I do?

Simply swallow this familiar feeling because

I’ll be damned if I let go of my

pride so instead I push this familiar feeling back,

down to the apex of my heart.

Because that is who I grew up to be.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Hello All,

This is my first post here and it will be my only. As my time in this “reality” is going to end in about 3 hours. I am not going to write a note and just wanted one final message of my thoughts to be delivered somewhere in the world. Maybe someday..somehow it will be received by people that know me.

As i sit here thinking about death. An overwhelming calming and peacefulness is sinking into my body. Everyday I go through out the day counting down the seconds for when I get to close my eyes and drift away into the solitude of the […]

So this is my first post and I’m not sure if I’m doin this right. I’m not sure if this comunity will finally give me the boldness to try to kill myfelf a second time. Maybe it will help me… I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything. I’m in theraphy now after four years of Depression and three years of self injury. But I feel worse than ever before. But I just don’t understand why. I have a boyfriend that I love, I left all the fake friends I had behind me and everything should be alright. So why do I still want to die? […]

a girl comes sit next to me, because there is barely any other spot free on the whole train. We don’t talk because that’s what people usually do when they sit next to each other (at least here in Germany). It happens that people who don’t know each other start a nice conversation, but rarely.

Then it happens: Someone nearby gets up to leave the train at the next stop, and – wtf – she gets up and sits down where the other guy sat before. I mean, it is not like she doesn’t have to sit next to no one there, just some other stranger. […]

Alien 1: I heard you are part of planet…..earth invasion ? Do you know anything about it?

Alien 2: Yes

Earth was having lot of things, out of all one is very important

It is tiny, exist only for 100 years and very slow. it took billions of years to innovate a computer, Most important part of its journey is internet revolution.

and funny thing is despite the less span of existence, it created a discussion forum called SP for discussions on  voluntary killing

Alien 1: LOL, What is it called?

Alien 2: One of our document mention it as  “human”

I felt them in my mind.

Scratching away like angry little rats, they needled, they pried. they crawled into ever little crevice.

They ran like flood waters.

The intrusion was felt, but it could not be stopped. amass this whole twisted parade was me.

I was one of them.

even i had betrayed me.

They told me things, they told me everything. The words were cold, but they had there own warmth. The caress of there lips was more than i could bear.

I resisted, i gave in. We were one but yet so far part.

There is no good things in my brain anymore. It’s just filled with sadness, hate, envy, fear. In every part of it. It’s also in every cell of my body, it’s running in my blood, that you could barely feel this happening when standing next to me. It started small, and then spread. No one can stop this. No words you could say, no words I could listen would change any of it. It’s ruined. No happiness can be found. And that’s just a shame what is happening. Because I have the most beautiful soul (I was a very kind person) and it’s getting embarrassed […]

The stereotype or social construct is this: It is not manly to cry, therefore real men do not cry. Bullshit. And it’s not just crying. Showing any emotion will get a man labeled a *****. That’s why guys can’t talk about their suicide and depression issues. That’s why men become so emotionaly detached.  Any show of emotion is a turn-off for women but then later in the relationship they complain about a lack of it.

I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I know committing suicide will hurt them. I know people care about me, but i can’t care about anyone anymore. I used to have […]

So I was dating this guy. We had been together for a while and I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me back. Gay relationships are not always like heterosexual relationships. It was an open relationship. That meant we could have different sexual partners and still be a couple just as long as we were careful. Then I fucked up. Somehow I got drunk in a party like really really wasted and I don’t even remember what happened. A few weeks later I realized I had an STD. I told him and he got really pissed and then dumped me.

Now […]

How many final nights have I had? How many last days? How many dying moments? I have been here before. But never quite like this. Both the extent if the anguish and the cold rationalizing that have brought me to this moment are greater than I have experienced. And I have been desperate enough to take a steak knife to my throat. But now I feel no desperation. Only a calm hope that I can truthfully claim tonight as my last and an exhausting despair that it wont be. I have the means to execute my execution. I can muster not a single reason to […]

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know why it matters so much to me. I just feel lost, and I’m confused about what I should be feeling as opposed to what I am feeling.
I read on Facebook recently, that a girl I used to talk to had killed herself, three months ago. This disturbed me… We had never met, but with the amount that we talked we knew each other pretty well. We both struggled with self harm an not being able to see the whole picture. I began to get […]

No matter what I do, eventually I feel sad again. That hint of sadness is always there. I am trying hard, but what I want seem so far away. It is impossible.

I’ve been feeling really sad lately and that’s because my life sucks too much. I am living in my new place in the worst area of Oakland, CA. 4 to five years ago I was in a homeless shelter, right now I am in a sober living place and I am the youngest of all, the rest is 25 and over. The last place I was living at, the place where I got to develop new relationships have banned me from the facility because I trash the house. I have no money, no family, and nothing that a normal person would have. I am glad […]

Counting down the days until I can finally stop the pills call. Stop the blood from rushing from the slices on my body. Stop my heart from pumping. I am done I will walk hand in hand with those pills until they take me to where I need to go.

Sadness suddenly appears 
It knows it is one of my worst fears
The darkness is where it makes its attack
So why do I feel so safe in the haunting pitch black? 

We both know it will win the fight 
We both know I’ll end up sad tonight 
I beg it to leave me alone but it doesn’t want to be kind
It pounces on my vulnerability and destroys my state of mind
 
I fight even harder but I know it’s not going away  
It is extremely hungry tonight and I’m it’s only prey
Its stronger than me and begins to  obtain total control 
Sadness is […]

I have a daughter…her mother taken from me..unwilling to convince myself that the intellectual ability i have in greater than the pain i go through. I feel fine for days and days..then out of nowhere…the pain that i won’t be able to be able to be the father i need to be, the liberty i should have been. The brother..son..uncle..it no longer registers that i have anyone left to help me…I’m stuck in never ending pain of failure..heartbreak..no love..nothing of the brighter side of emotions. I’m useless in life..I’ve always been a good person. But i feel the emotions giving everything they have and pushing […]