The stereotype or social construct is this: It is not manly to cry, therefore real men do not cry. Bullshit. And it’s not just crying. Showing any emotion will get a man labeled a *****. That’s why guys can’t talk about their suicide and depression issues. That’s why men become so emotionaly detached. Â Any show of emotion is a turn-off for women but then later in the relationship they complain about a lack of it.
I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I know committing suicide will hurt them. I know people care about me, but i can’t care about anyone anymore. I used to have a capacity for that but now it’s gone. I hate my bleak future and more over, I hate myself. I’ve come to a point where look at my life past, present and future and said, “What’s the point?” And there is none. I’m a bit shocked at how much I want to die. That being said, it doesn’t make much sense to be posting here. But I can’t explain why I do. It’s something I guess.
I’d rather be anyone else than myself. Please God, I just want to be fucking normal! Is it too much to ask? Is it too much to want to have emotions again like other people? To be complacent with my position in life? To enjoy being a piece of shit? Why do I have to be me?
I do have 3 friends I talk to. Or used to anyway. I told Samira, Harrison and Abigail these things, all my MDD shit. I needed someone to talk to. Now I don’t care anymore. I was a mistake, really to tell them. Now when I go they’ll feel guilty. They were good, encouraging friends who told me they cared for me a lot. I just can’t care for myself enough. If I had one thing to tell them, it would be that I don’t hate them and that the problem was with me.
6 comments
I know why you post here. You feel comfortable because you know you aren’t alone. We can all relate to you. I can relate to you. Who cares what society says. Cry your fucking heart out. I cry all the time. I’m a girl and you’re a boy, but it doesn’t matter. In the end we’re all in pain and we deserve to cry. You said people love you and care for you, so don’t leave. That in itself can be used as a little bit of hope. I know how you feel, though. I’m cared about by many people, but I just don’t feel as if I am. “What’s the point?” Whats the point, you ask? You. Each one of us is worth something. We all deserve to be here. The only people who disagree with that are our own selves.
Stay strong, you can get through this. You will get through this.
Non-depressive people don’t know how to deal with depressives. There’s nothing wrong with showing emotion, but they can’t seem to handle this kind of deep shit. It’s best to talk to someone who also suffers from depression and suicidal inklings. They will ‘get’ you, and you won’t have to worry about being judged. It’s weird sometimes, how being a depressive myself, in real life I can meet someone and realize that they are as well. It’s like they’re usually funny, upbeat, but then they let that mask slip a little, and I can see the sadness and pain underneath. Idk. It just makes me like them more because it shows that they have character; they’re not just two-dimensional. I guess I like seeing beneath the usual facade, I like seeing depth in a person.
Maybe men don’t cry; but soldiers do.
The day of my release, I composed myself well, until the last hour before I left. I broke down, overcome with emotion…despair. I tried to laugh it off, but my platoon understood why it was I cried. They knew the passion I felt not only for the service, but for them as well. In a way, they felt my pain.
I hate how society treats this whole “people living with mental illness” thing. All it takes is for people to understand that not all of us can live a life we are content with, or actually happy with living. I also hate how they say “men don’t cry”; that’s utter bulls#it. Without emotion, we are but empty shells. Emotion is what makes you human.
It’s been awhile since I have logged in and I am so glad I read this! Good post! 🙂
Nothing wrong with a guy crying. Screw society if they dont like it. Its not that a guy isn’t strong, a guy is human, not a robot.
It takes a lot to make me cry. I just did it when my friend told me she wants to end it all.