My girlfriend told me she was in her friends pants (I hate that friend). And it hurt because I’ve been cheated on a lot at this particular time of the relationships. After that I went To class. Class ends and its after school. And her friend walks down the school hall we were at and says “your gf was in my pants” and walks off I told her I didn’t care and she needs to shut the hell up. My gf goes “you care” and I wanted to cri. I went home, so did she. I asked what she meant by what she said and […]
I’m so over having to constantly lie about how I feel when somebody asks whats wrong. What am I suppose to tell them I want to fucking die? I can’t. I can’t talk about things that bother me to anyone cause or learned you can’t ever trust anybody. Ever. I hate myself so much every thing about me annoys me. I constantly feel like shit about myself and I only have myself to blame. I’m always so alone no matter how many “friends” I have. Not to mention I’m 15 and have never had an actual relationship. People constantly tell me I’m “perfect” and […]
Its late now,
I shouldn’t be up writing on this but I feel the need. Truth is I’m a hopeless case, I’m in a busy year of exams in a prestigious school, I’m training for big competitions in sport and I cant cope with anything. I recently moved to this prestigious school, leaving behind all the friends I had grown up with, the people at my new school are nice don’t get me wrong but I miss my old buddies and it doesn’t help that we don’t talk that much either. I have never been diagnosed with depression but I know I have it. I […]
I have been hanging onto life by a thread, knowing the whole time that I would one day take my own life. Everything was already terrible in my life for years now, I won’t bore you with the details, but life circumstances and mental illness has made my life unbearable.
This week, someone robbed me of every penny that I had. Pretty pathetic because it was only a few thousand dollars, but now I’m broke and owe money too. This was just the final straw. I can’t take another week of this life. I can’t start over as I am unemployed and have a partial disability. […]
As I’m sure is the case with many of you, my story is fraught with pain and long-standing suffering. For sake of brevity I’ll cut to the present; intense chronic pain (fibro, tmjd, migraine), BPD, major depression, and general/social anxiety are all part of my day to day experience. At this point, it wouldn’t be an overstatement to say they ARE my day to day experience….consuming all the joys that life once presented. I’ve increasingly thought of suicide as a valid option to the never-ending plight I’ve endured. I look around and I see little worth continuing this fight for. I don’t want what this […]
Rain makes you stay at home and think and think and think. Know what happens when you think too much? Bad things. Worse things happen when everyone forgets those to whom the rain hates.
Self mutilation has been an addiction of mine since I was a high school freshman. And it’s been a constant struggle to not do it for the past few months, but today the urge got really bad. I can feel it in my arms again, and that’s when I know it’s getting closer, last time I felt this I broke a mirror and used the glass to give into the urge. But today IÂ can feel it from my fingers to my shoulders all the way up to my neck, and I’m afraid of myself right now. I’m afraid of falling under again for the […]
I’ll kill myself today
If you choose devotion over low life
I’ll kill myself today
If you put direction into a world with no daylight
If you fantasise about your funeral, I understand, I’ve been there before.
If it’s more important in the music playing than who’d attend, we are the same.
With heads to the ground, as I’m lowered down,
There will be a chorus
An overwhelming sound.
i love my girl an a jack ass has fixed it so i can’t talk to her for a long time ,accept through a good friend.i was about to leave an go for a bridge walk when i got the message,yet she saves me again from a cold water walk.,she’s the only one who understands me an loves me for me ,an this ass has too step in.were for a couple months in differnt countries but together almost 3 years,he has been a pain in my ass since the beginning!! i even talked him otta running away,but he doesn’t know how to back off,she has […]
I’ve gone about two weeks without my meds because I can’t afford to refill them. Ihate asking for help but I’m debating if I should ask my dad for money for a refill. I don’t know what to do. Should I ask or wait out two more weeks for a paycheck.
I had a small but monumental victory last night in my ongoing healing process from abuse.
I had a dream I was in my grandfather’s house and my parents and other family were there. (In reality, he was my primary abuser.) In every other dream, I would run and hide, and he would naturally chase me and try to hurt me.
I started to hide, but then said no – that fucker is dead (he died about 28 years ago) and I’m not putting up with this any more. I walked into the main room, looked him straight in the eye, and said “You son of a […]
My dad actually started this whole thing since he is near the end of his life and made a CD of 3 songs he wanted played at his funeral. I liked that idea and started working on mine.
What would be the three songs you want played at your funeral, even if that funeral is (hopefully!) many years from now?
Here’s my list and why: (And oh god am I ever showing my age!)
Truckin’ by the Grateful Dead, specifically because these lyrics totally describe my life:
Sometimes the lights all shinin on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange […]
All my life all I wanted is a girlfriend. Someone to love. I’m a very successful guy and have always done well in everything throughout my life. Got a nice house, great job, new Benz, plenty of cash, and I’m an awesome guy. I love women and have tons of friends and a great family. Everywhere else in my life is wonderful except for this huge missing piece. And I can’t take the loneliness anymore. I just want someone to hold at night and say I love you to everyday. My life feels so empty and meaningless without that special someone in it.
This is how […]
I will never want to live. Just like how some people know they will never enjoy rap music. I will never enjoy life. I’m not depressed. Just like how you KNOW you will never be an NBA star, I know I will never want to live. Imagine something you hate doing. For me, its waking up and being alive. Let’s say for you, that you have NO intention of being a plumber. You have a strong nose and weak stomach. What if I told you that to enjoy being a plumber you had to follow your plumbing dreams and make your own path as […]
Dear Gma,
what can I say but you were such an inspirational, strong women. You helped me through one of my toughest times. You acted as a grandmother and as a mentor when i had no one. You provided shelter for me when i was lost. you took care of me when i bled. And now youre gone. an angel in the sky no longer on this earth. and i didnt get to spend any time with you on your final days on this earth but i hope you felt the love i still had for you. please help and guide brandon because he must be […]
Do the wounds or damage caused by a persons past ever fade or go away? With me the answer is always no. Everywhere i turn there’s someone or something that reminds me of a past i wish wasn’t mine. My past has changed me in ways i wish it hadn’t. Because i don’t believe i was meant to be someone with an inability to trust anyone, someone whose afraid to trust someone enough to let them in , because trust means giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it. But, i’ve been burned so many times by those closest to me, my mum, […]
My dad committed suicide when I was 3 and I have no memories with him. He never loved me. So if he never loved me that means no one loves me.
I made a lot of mistakes in my past and now I can’t seem to reconcile with them. I’m swimming in debt, I can’t finish what I started, and my own family thinks that I’m an irresponsible mess-up. I tried. I’m a nice guy and I had everything going for me. But when I was a teenager I had to come out as gay and while it worked out in the end, the scars of hiding the secret so long took it’s toll on the person I was supposed to be. I almost failed out of high school and I barely passed through college. My […]
I just want to let this out, you know?
I was talking with my friend and the subject of my ex came up. And that was just one relationship that went boom, exploded, guts all over. Metaphorically speaking. It ended badly. Now, I’m not a devout Catholic, in fact, I get the feeling that I’d be better off as an atheist. But a few weeks ago, on a whim, I went to confession and afterwards my friend found out I cried. So during our conversation my friend casually mentioned that it was probably that subject (the ending of that relationship) I was talking to the priest […]