I’m not the as people would say ‘average’ face of depression. I’m a successful student, cheerleader at a college, have friends (or did) But on this Saturday night I’m doing fine then bam, I’m ‘depressingly bored’ It’s saturday, our football team won the first game of playoff’s woo, I should be out celebrating. I’m not I’m here thinking back to the night I tried to take my life. I’m not so distraught by it anymore. But some times I think why didn’t it happen but bigger question is why did I try? I was talking to my sister the other day about it. I pretty […]

I dated a girl in secret during freshman year I remember she would look so sad and hurt when I would ignore her. After school she would sleep over my house and cuddle and hold me. We had the sweetest relationship I’ve ever seen or experienced. She left me though she was tired of me feeling embaressed. I damaged her self asteem without knowing. I was never embarrassed of her I was just scared of what others would say of her and me. My history of relationships weren’t the best. I want her now. I need her now. I miss her soft lips. The way […]

I don’t know how long this will be, but I tend to ramble, so I apologize in advance. I’m not actively planning any kind of suicide, so don’t worry, but I’ve been tired of this world since I was about 11 or so, and every day continues to exhaust me a little more, so I felt like maybe this would be an ok place to put this. I feel like an idiot for having to get my story out, but I’ve never really let anyone know, and I feel like it’s time to try something new. I’m not a great writer, so

Problems? What problems? I […]

I’m not looking for a debate, I’m open minded looking for a strong belief.  Death by your own hands or natural causes, what do you think will happen or where you will go, if anything at all, after you die?

Why is it that I feel like I won’t get anywhere in my life? Why?
I try to do everything I can to provide for myself. But I’m only a teenager. ..
I work and put my money towards my truck and to help other people with what I can. But I feel like it’s never good enough. I feel like I can’t tell my mom I need to see a doctor. That I need new glasses. Or that I have cavities and need to see a dentist. Cause I ask for too much.I used to have a lot of thoughts of suicide then I […]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Just, hm, I’m brazilian, so, sorry for my english :/

I’m trying so hard, but everyday I wake up I think that might break and I hate me, I fucking hate me for failing to stand up.
Thanks to all of you who are trying to help me, but idk if I can go on anymore.
I feel so fuckin sad, so lonely, so tired of everything.
idk why people have to hurt each other, idk, maybe that let them better, I just dk.
Today I lost myself, hurt myself again, i have done it again and just, idk.
Last week I almost died of overdose, […]

The issue has been with me for a long time since I was a kid. My parents were loving people. They said and did a lot of things to make me think that they really do.

I moved from here to there many  many times. I have transferred 7 different schools while I was in highschool then I (alone) moved to United States in junior high and then I transferred twice again before going in to college - no clear reasons of moving were provided each time. While I was in college, I transferred once without having anyone tell me to do so. I look back now and see how […]

I dont think i could ever really do it although one tine i came dangerously close.

I think about it. I understand i dont necessarily want to die that i just want THIS life to end, to change but… Sometimes change seems impossible or too slow or too far away. I think about it a lot and really wish i could.

My progress, my improvements don’t seem like enough. I think I’ll never be good enough, sane enough.

Tonight I wish I could but would be too embarrassed to be found. Sometimes I get my brothers Ranger knife and hold it, think about it. Right now I’m laying […]

I am ashamed of being my parents’ child.
They’ve given me a beautiful life.
Yet, I don’t appreciate it at all.
I can’t give them, the true gratitude that’s within my heart.
I don’t have enough potential even if I do strive to do my best.
But my best is not enough.
A pitiful child, I am.
My efforts are nothing.

Even if I were trade my life for death, I could not do so.

As for now, I just need to look for the reason to continue on.

i used to listen to some spiritual teaching a few years back, dont really remember anything of it anymore but one thought tends to come back to me from time to time and i made it into my little, fraked up, non existent love-life’s philosophy. it goes something like this.
you cant love somebody else until you learn to love yourself because without appreciating your own values and beauty how could you believe that somebody else would love you for those same qualities? loving somebody else without loving yourself is practicly just clinging, a supplementary to our own, missing positivity, grabbing somebody in the hope […]

do you ever have those dreams that make you stop sleeping i have them i only 3 hours sleep because of them they haunt me, my being my soul my brain my emotions my heart my whole life, i cant do much now i cut because of them i cut because sad and depressed is there any way of getting out of this black hole or am i stuck in this hole forever is this going to my life is it going to forever or short term but i don’t know whether i want it or not i’m scared and relieved at the same time. […]

I’m so sorry, I feel like such an attention whore. I’ve already posted two times before this in the last two days and I’m wasting your time as it is… but I’m going to do it. I’m sitting here with a knife in my hand and I think I’m going to do it. I’m going to slash my throat. It’s either that or use the lighter I have next to me. Some stupid part of me is still holding out for some kind of humanity, some kind of hope to cling onto. Why should I let myself live. Why do I deserve to live. Please […]

Does anyone know of anyone who has successfully commited suicide who used to be on this site. I know such information is hard to know for certain. But it is not impossible. One thread I read was started by a woman who stopped posting and the other posters were able to match details she mentioned with an article of a suicide. Has anyone had a similar experience? Or at least a suspicion?

It’s not my destiny, to be the one that you will lay with.

So many reasons why, I have to go but want to stay here.

Sometimes I want a taste, but then I don’t know what I’m saying.

You are the angel, and I am the one who is praying.

I don’t think I can take any of this much longer. Every day I hold out and tell myself this living hell can’t get any worse and only better and that things will be righted soon. But as every day passes I hate life more and more and I can’t stand it any longer. Everyone hates me and they still ask me whats wrong just so they can laugh at me about it behind my back when they think I’m not listening. I always tell them nothing’s wrong now but in reality everything’s wrong. I can’t do anything right, I can’t even succeed in killing […]

So, I posted last night about a bit of basics that’s been going on and, well, today it got worse. My mom came home from California today and when I saw her the first words out of her mouth were “you’ll never succeed, you’re not going to graduate.” Not “Hi son! Great to see you again!” I started to come out to her about my depression lately but had to stop early due to the fact she interrupted me and criticized me about thinking those things. Not to mention that built up on top of me talking to my ex today about what I’ve been […]

I am 45. I first wanted to die when I was 18. I had children so that I would be tethered to this world, and I will honor that commitment. I will not kill myself, but I fantasize about if. I slide into the noose. Could I do it hard enough to break my neck? Probably not, but in my fantasy I can.
For 15 years, I’ve been psychologically abused by my husband. It only become physical a few times, because I could control him. That was my fantasy, but I realized that I can’t control him, and he is harming my children with his […]

Wake up, streetcar, 4hr in office, meal, 4 more hrs in office, meal, sleep and mon tue wed thu fri sat.   Question arises why?

killing own self is confessing life is too much for u or u don’t understand it or agreeing life not worth the trouble; living, naturally, is never easy.

Absence of any profound reason for living=daily agitation & uselessness of suffering, illusions, absurd feelings

These feelings are called suicidal thoughts.

Man do what he believes, what he has to do if he believes in absurdity of existence.

Is there any relationship between opinion about life and the act one commits to leave it?

NO, We get into the habit of living before […]