I’m on the edge of life at this moment I just want to drop dead at this moment, let my sickness get worst and kill me, or just get it over with IDC how I do it with pills, knife, jump off a roof etc I just wanna be gone …any suggestions ?

Tonight I stayed home. By myself. I cry in the far corner of my room. I can’t take this anymore, hey, it IS the day of the dead. Why not celebrate on my wrists and legs and any other part? And for my big finale I’ll join everyone else six feet under.

this pain I feel won’t go away and it’s suffocating me. I can’t stand it. I don’t REALLY want my life to end but I just want the pain to go away.

It feels like I’ve been preparing for this forever and I’ve still got a long way to go. Less than 2 months yet. The method is ready and most of my personal things are taken care of. Packed up, donated, or tossed out. It feels good to travel a little lighter though.

Everyone thinks I’m fine but I’ve snapped months ago for the last time. My autopilot is on and I’m just saving, saving, saving. I plan to cover my expenses, put cash in the hands of my siblings for college, quietly distribute my things to people who I know could use them, and I’m even […]

Isn’t that pretty pathetic? From the time I wake up, I just wait until it’s late enough to go back to bed. Even if it’s just barely late enough. Oh and someone ripped me off today too. Just to add to my wonderful, already incredibly broke day.

I am depressive.  Much of the day I feel like existence is a burden and my life is a slog.  Although I am not unhappy all of the time.  I do have moments where I feel decent.  Sleeping is when I feel the happiest.  I often enjoy riding my bike, playing computer games, jerking off.  I was enjoying the autumn landscape this last month.  I find when I have suicide fantasies, I often feel better.  I’m just curious what makes other depressed people happy.

I have wished that I didn’t exist for years now. And you know what? I may have gotten my wish. It’s looking like I have kidney disease for sure and probably also liver disease. I don’t know the details yet, waiting for more test results. It takes the burden of suicide off of me, but I’m still terrified of death and of going to hell. It will also destroy family members if I die. I wonder if I’d even have peace. Would there be nothingness? Would I still be aware and feeling? Would I still feel sad, just in another realm?

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Will you be there when I fall?

Will you be the one to wipe the blood,

the one that holds me when eyes flood?

Mirror, mirror tell me please,

help me hang the rope from trees?

Tell me that I’m beautiful,

remain vigilant and dutiful.

Mirror, mirror, please don’t go,

the only one who sees my low

the only one who sees my tears,

the only one I share my fears.

Mirror, mirror, see my scars,

help me reach the sky and stars.

Mirror, mirror, let me die,

the only one to see me cry

when you grap a chart of pills…

did you ever get that feeling?

unforntunately, i have only five pills of clonazepam. it won’t kill me. i already took six and drank, and i didn’t even pass out.

but… fuck. who am i fooling? i won’t kill myself. gotta love yourself a little bit to kill yourself.

i can’t love myself. the idea of loving myself disgusting me. it’s repulsive.

I should be happy.  I’m married, I have children.  I have a supportive spouse.  Society says I should be happy.  The thing is, I was a lot happier before I had to “settle down.” I liked having money.  I liked being able to do whatever I damn well pleased.  If I wanted to go out every night, I could do it.  If I wanted to go to the movies for the hell of it, I could do it.  I could buy things that I wanted.  There was no guilt or bad feelings. I was free to do as I pleased.  And I was happy.

I don’t […]

I saw a couple of posts about scars and just want to give a huge shoutout to the people here who cut or maybe used to and are feeling insecure about what it left behind.

I want to start by explaining that I think of life as war on a microscopic scale. It’s rude and dirty and you do what you have to – and you know what? Some of those things are going to leave marks.

The point being: I don’t understand how anyone could see scars, self-inflicted or otherwise, as ugly.

They are not ugly. They tell your story. Maybe they’re there because you did something […]

Every morning I lie in bed trying to find a reason to get up, or something to look forward to. I never find one.

I sit and stare at nothing. When I’m walking I look at no one. Someone asked me if I was ok because I seemed distant. The fact that they noticed upsets me more than if they hadn’t. I live a humiliating existence and I work towards failure in small, steady increments. I am a lead weight sinking into the ground. I am a horrid, repulsive lizard cooking the sun. I wait and watch as I wither away.

-I want friends who have good lives to stop telling me to snap out of it.
-I want to be able to tell someone how I really feel without the fear of being committed
-I wish I could tell someone I think about committing suicide at least once an hour, I even dream about it.
-I wish I didn’t think awful things like “if I get a call and my daughter has been killed in a car crash, I can finally die without the guilt. That would break my bond to her and I could rest peacefully along side her.
-I wish I could tell […]

I’ve got iron over my heart.  They see the tattered sweater.

I’ve got a wonderful smile. They see a messed up child.

I try to understand where they are coming from. But I can’t.

How dare they make up a quirk in exchange for a good trait.

Maybe it’s all in my head.

Maybe I should let it go like everyone says to.

Please don’t do it. I am a victim of suicide. My father took his own life. It not the answer. There are people in this world who love you even if you don’t think they do. They will forgive you for any mistakes you have made no matter the size. They might not tell you everyday but they are out there. Please hold on. Find local support groups or free counselors in your area.  Hell go to a titty bar in your town and just pay to talk. They might not have the answers but they will listen and you may find someone who can […]

I consciously avoid thinking about old friends who have abandoned me or been driven away by my terrible nature and the notion of seeing them again makes me suicidal for all the thoughts it would force upon me.

Today has been a low day again. I have cried and cried. I may have to leave this hpuse. I have nothing to give anymore. I am so drained physically and mentally. Havent ate or slept properly in days. Inside i feel empty and feel like i am suffocatibg in this place. This is not living.

So I’m planning on catching the bus later today and I really don’t know how to say bye to everyone 🙁 How would some of you do it in such a small time frame? I hate that I’m leaving everyone behind but I hope they understand my suffering. I’m tired of being depressed and paranoid its killing me… literally.

Whenever i’m depressed or pissed off, i turn to LOUD,FAST and HEAVY music.Some metal bands that i like are Metallica,Slayer,Megadeth,Iron Maiden,Black Sabbath and many more.

What kind of music are you guys into?