I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Â I with my cancer and every thing else that’s going on I just want to end it all.
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What should I do? I need help please tell me what to do.
Okay… where do I begin?… In kindergarten there was this nerdy girl in class who all kids made bullying to her, she didn’t have any friends, not even a single boy or girl who accepted her on their table to lend their colors, no, nothing, she was smart and nice, but she cried a lot. One day, this little girl named Diana appeared and helped this nerdy girl, she was a sweetie, the most incredible girl ever. Diana was so so nice to the girl, they became friends.
Years later, that nerdy girl was on elementary school in 4th grade and by coincidence she met […]
As I sit here reading everybody’s post about going to homecoming and seeing them dressed up I want so badly to go, and to have someone to go with. Since I was 15 and started high school I have always had a problem with getting close to people because all my friends were dying. They have all died in car wrecks. One of my best friends just passed away recently and she had just told me the day before that she was pregnant. It feels like life is just tearing me down little by little. Now I’m the new girl. Tried having a fresh start […]
I’ve never had a particularly easy life. Up until about year 10 I didn’t really have any friends, and was bullied a lot. I contemplated suicide a lot back then. After that, things started to get a little better. I thought my life was starting to improve, things were finally the way I wanted them. I had (admittedly not many) friends, and the bullying had for the most part stopped. I was bright, I had friends, things were looking good.
My home life had never been too easy either, my parents had been VERY strict up until I was about 14, basically sheilding me from the […]
Samhain (Halloween) is in a few days. As a pagan, I celebrate it as the night when I am closest to being able to communicate with those who have gone before me. I am so hoping to be able to talk to my grandmother. She is the only person who ever “got me” in this world.She has been gone 19 years and not a day goes by that don’t miss her so much.
I have always understood that on Samhain, you grieve what you have lost (particularly in the past year) and then celebrate the new. But I am so full of grief I can’t see […]
i feel like i post everything down. what does it matter, who cares, why care. i feel the urge to expose out what i’m holding back… what i’m holding back since the beginning. what is it? what has made my life heavy. writing is such a slow process, it cannot catch up with thoughts. all the emotions were gone in the very first line and now i’m just deadly repeating out of memory. i feel the need to speak. maybe like that girl who made a video on youtube. but i don’t think that will do either, i have tried such things earlier…i become completely […]
It’s getting so much harder to put a smile on my face. I can’t do it anymore. I used to be so good at faking and acting, what the hell happened? Things have been getting so much worse… I’m deteriorating and I can feel it… I have nobody I trust around me… At the end of the day I’m alone.. The lines building on my legs, reminding me constantly that I’m alone.
There was a thread that I posted that had two main topics, ideas for guaranteed ways that work and I was asking people for their opinion on the “hell for eternity” issue when it comes to suicide. Where did that thread go? Lucky I saved the answers that people posted in a file on my computer already, but nonetheless I don’t know why it’s gone.
I wrote this poem today at 1:21 am. It’s about a situation that happened just before.
In all those years,
I’ve built up a defensive wall.
It’s made of a thick layer of glass,
a thick massive wall of concrete,
and a thicker immense wall of marble,
with in the core the vulnerable and breakable me.
My defensive wall is that thick and strong that nobody ever came behind the wall of concrete.
My wall of marble stayed all that time unharmed and without a scratch.
But now that’s the past,
because you came into my life.
You took your gigantic wrecking ball to break my […]
i hate myself more than ive ever hated anyone else on the planet. im such a nobody, no friends, no boyfriend, family hates me; my bestfriend and only friend ran away and didn’t even ask me to go with her, she was found but she has had no contact with me in 2 weeks and it hurts so much. im ignored by the only boy ive ever loved and ever will love. all i have left is my pookie bear (yes im 16 and i love my teddy bear), and my blades. i just recently got new blades from a pencil sharpener which was genius […]
I dont wanna move.
I dont wanna do anything, except lay here.
Im numb.
Im emotionless.
And i wanna die.
How could things get like this again?
I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that’s gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn’t really matter
How I feel inside
‘Cause life is like a game sometimes…
This is from a song and it’s perfect…people treat your feelings like a game and then your left picking up the pieces when they leave…
Everyday…I get up, and I pretend I’m okay…I put on a smile and I act like there’s nothing wrong.
But when I’m alone and there is no one to see me crumble…I let go…I let the wall holding back my feeling fall and as it does I fall […]
“It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.â€
— John Green, Paper Towns
A highly publicized suicide of an attractive or talented person is commonly greeted with the sentiment, “what a waste!” The substance that is wasted may be named as talent, intelligence, beauty, or life itself, or may not be named. But, whatever is “wasted,” is it fair to blame a suicide for “wasting” it?
“Waste,” in this sense, connotes an immoral misuse of resources that might have been better directed elsewhere. It is wrong to misuse or fail to use scarce resources, because they might be better used by others. Wasting may often involve depriving someone else of the resource that is wasted.
The problem with describing suicide […]
Please help me, I need to off my self asap, I have tried to keep trucking for a while now and I just cant do it. For the sake of my roommates, friends, and parents I would like advice as how to make it look like an accident. I cant fucking keep on doing this. On a purely environmental stance I am a huge suck  of resources. Go green help me kill myself in a way that will hurt none (Id obviously prefer a low pain death but its more important that my death seem accidental and doesn’t hurt the people i care about, so […]
I haven’t felt suicidal for a while now. It’s definitely been a couple of weeks, and it’s been months since it was really bad and I was making attempts. Now I feel the feeling creeping over me again and I am powerless to stop it. I feel so angry at so many people in my life for fucking me over and just not being there for me when I needed them, or being there in all the wrong ways. How can I ever make this better. How can I learn how to forgive? I hate myself. I really want to hurt myself until I die.
hey guys i’m new here and i figured i would share my story. actually im surprised that i even have the will and energy to write this. so anyway im a 26 yr old gay woman who lives with her equally imbalanced mother. i have never accomplished anything in my life and clearly thats my own fault. i did terrible in school (never even went half the time) i have no direction or goals and i have never been able to keep a long term job (this is even before i became suicidal) about 8 months ago my long term girlfriend and i broke up […]
I’m 22 years old, going to school for music and I’ve decided to kill myself because I’ve only been with one girl, and that was pretty much a fluke. I’ve watched every cute girl I’ve ever liked sleep around with everyone, get tired of it, and decide to settle down with some tall blonde guy without even knowing I exist. I’ve watched that shit happen so many times.
I’m not even good enough to find a fuck buddy, or someone to hook up with for just a one night stand. I spent the summer developing my body to become muscular, I’m wearing all the right clothes, […]
Idk.. Lately it would seem like nothing matters to me. None of these well thought out and meaningful conversations, or even the fucked up nature of this world.. None of it seems to matter to me lately. I’ve been feeling pretty “depressed”, but not the kind that keeps me from going about my day. It’s a very angry depression with a touch of sadness. But I’m not too big on sadness. Sometimes when I start to get too sad, I eventually have to laugh at myself for being who I am and living the life I live, just everything..it’s fucked and I just have to […]
Last night, I held a handful of pills in my hand.
They felt heavy. Heavy like stones. They weighed down my palm with their cold, dense selves and their poisonous touches burned my skin.
At first, I didn’t even know why I had taken them out in the first place. What was the purpose of trying something that wouldn’t even work?
They hurt to look at. My eyes stung when I glanced over to the- white, white, white,  was it normal for things to be this white?- medicine. They sent my brain into a fuzzy puzzle of should I should I should I? and why not, why not, why not?  I didn’t […]