Dear Sadness,

You win. He left me. He didn‘t even say goodbye. I can feel the winter inside me. I don‘t want to wake up in this nightmare anymore. He left me. He left me. He left me.

It‘s hard to believe, it‘s hard to see, it‘s hard.. But he did. Deep inside I know it but I can‘t force myself into believing it. I deny the true because it‘s too cold to carry it with me. I wish I could just close my eyes and disapear.

Oh, Sadness, I don’t mind You. My agony is bearable.  Don’t leave if You need to stay. I don‘t deserve to see […]

I woke to another day of disapproval, I looked over my body and examined myself . I touched my face , my stomach , my thighs , just my skin . The bumpy surface on my thighs made me feel imperfect. Myself mutilation I admit I’m at fault but it makes me feel good to see that I can remove what I feel isn’t wanted , down fault of things I can not wear dresses or skirts to feel beautiful .
People I mistook for friends , took advantage of me . I won’t say his name but I’ll call him Cam; he got alone […]

What’s the point of living if we all end up dead in the end?

Every time she talks to me it ends in the sad reality. I am afraid of starting the interaction. Vulnerability. She is interested in another guy. And that guy is interested in her. I think. What sucks is that she tries to care for me. She really does care for me but how can you fucking care for me while you are fucking happy your emotional hole is covered by this holy guy? It’s so fucking easy to have pity for me and give me your fucking crumbs. It’s so fucking easy. Simple.

It’s sickening. I can not escape this present world. I take another breath […]

Why am I here? Is probably the question I’ve asked myself everday since I was nine years old I hated myself the way I looked and I thought that my parents hated me. I still think they do. My mom just yells at me so much and I can’t help but yell back. My therapist says all of this has led to depression and anxiety and I should try to build a relationship with my mother but I can’t help sleeping until 11 pm googling ways to kill my myself because if I ever decide to do it I want to do it right.

When I was 6 I was sexually abused my uncle! And I stayed quiet about it for 8 years
When I was 10 I had kidney failure and I almost died
Now I’m 16 and I have everything under control

Last year in August 28, 2012 I lost my only brother. He was 26 years old. My cousin shot him!
I was a freshmen in high school when this happen, I use to be a straight A student, had all honors classes, never caused anything, and I used to make my parents so happy and proud of me.
when he was in the hospital I started skipping […]

Imagine that tonight as you slept a wicked spirit came by and put a curse on you.  When you wake in the morning, you will have down syndrome.  In fact, you will spend the rest of your life, the next forty years, with down syndrome.  Would you kill yourself?

That’s how I feel every day.  I was cursed in the womb, not down syndrome but something pretty close (I use the condition down syndrome here because its something people are familiar with).  My options are to live with “down syndrome” or to kill myself.  And believe me, I’d rather be dead.

I know it’s not politically correct […]

Sometimes I think about when I was in Kindergarten.  Little did I know what a long, listless journey I was about to embark on.

I have a few things that make me feel ok; cutting, drugs, risky behaviour. The thing i want help with is my cravings for sexual attention … since i was about 7 i wanted sexual attention particularly with older men its escalated now to where even with a loving boyfriend i constantly want to sleep around. I get that whole feeling from being wanted but im too sad and ‘crazy’ for anyone but my boyfriend. I associate a lot of unhealthy things with sex and pleasure such as violence and submission i often ask my bf to hit and abuse me during sex or […]

Every damn day I go through this cycle.  I always wake up feeling like a piece of shit, then I progress to the afternoon and feel a couple hours of new hope, elation, and motivation, then comes the nighttime and I feel like a piece of shit again.

Suicide is not a plausible option.  I would rather see this through to the very end.  Everyone risks death waking up and walking around every day.

Dose anyone have concrete information regarding chloroform and its use in suicide???

from what I know it dose not take long and is not that hard to obtain…So what is the catch??? why aren’t there more report of chloroform suicides reported??? it sound simple..the only negative I have read about this is possible skin irritations…dose anyone know more about this or why its not a popular way of suicide???

I was/still am but am tapering off benzodiazepines that were prescribed to me about ten years ago for anxiety. Withdrawal has been pure hell and I beg anyone who has been administered these drugs to refuse taking them or get off of them but keep in mind you must slowly wing off…that being said, these drugs changed me as a person…I now deal with debilitating anxiety…far worse than when I started these drugs, brain zaps which cause me to twitch my head throughout the day, mental fog-I feel like a zombie, depersonalizaction/derealization, extreme physical pain…the list is endless…this is too much for me to bear […]

My friends tell me I have an eating disorder…I told them they where full of shit…but they aren’t I’m not stupid I know that not eating is killing me but I cant eat…it makes me feel sick even thinking about it…Maybe being skinny will make my mom love me again…

Dear ANYONE,

My ARMS, THIGHS, STOMACH, and ANKLES are adorned with the marks of my THANKS TO YOU.

This SLIT is to thank you for all the PAIN you’ve caused me.

This CUT is to thank you for the TORTURE you put me through.

This SLASH is for the LOVE you never gave me.

This GASH is for the HOURS I lie awake.

This SLICE is for the NAMES you’ve given me.

Every MARK I have made is because of YOU.

…Yet you don’t see that…

…All you see is me…

…And how much you hate me…

…Well here’s my perfect weapon…

BYE.

-Love,

NOBODY

(a.k.a. ME)

I didn’t know what else to label this, but last night I was with my girlfriend and we were going all over to different stores and having fun with her mom and little brother. Her mom stopped by this stupid clearance cart that they have to look for socks and stuff. Then my girlfriend said quickly, “Don’t look in the cart.” I was confused so I looked. There was some spare razor blade for a box cutter or something there.

Then my girlfriend started spazzing out to cover it in socks so I wouldn’t see it and she kept telling me not to think about it. […]

dose anyone have any concrete information about this drug???

How effective is a successful suicide with this drug???

roughly how much is needed???

my psych doc has no idea I think this way, is there any way to convince her in prescribing this??? I take prozac(which is an older anti depressant as well but not effective in suicide)have taken it for years , can I convince her to switch my RX to a Tricyclic??? or do doc’s no longer prescribe this???

I know its a lot of stupid questions but I am at ground 0…need all the info I can get…

I have found web sites in the us(which is […]

dose anyone have any concrete information about this drug???

How effective is a successful suicide with this drug???

roughly how much is needed???

my psych doc has no idea I think this way, is there any way to convince her in prescribing this??? I take prozac(which is an older anti depressant as well but not effective in suicide)have taken it for years , can I convince her to switch my RX to a Tricyclic??? or do doc’s no longer prescribe this???

I know its a lot of stupid questions but I am at ground 0…need all the info I can get…

I have found web sites in the us(which is […]

why do you smile and make me cry? why, why do you try when there is so much pain in you. why? why? i swear if i found that creator…i don’t know….what have these innocent people done??? ok i’m a liar, a sinner i deserve it, i understand that,..i could make a choice…but what have these innocent, honest people done? what? tell me, you owe me an answer very badly!!

Shouldn’t I be happy? I mean, this is what I wanted isn’t it? But I don’t feel happy, I feel insecure and angry and lost. One minute I’m smiling and the next I’m cutting. What happened?