I keep experimenting with this and that. most of them don’t last more than a day, but this one is working quite effectively. the trick is this:

i guess most of us, like me, feel disconnected with others, the outer world, the society. I thought of include one more person in it – myself. “I am not this” – this is the trick..to think like that. i am not these thoughts, these fears, this depression, i am not the person who is depressed. I am something else, something that’s watching that depressed person. this is not my permanent state of mind or permanent state of self.

and […]

I have always been there for you. Wen you fall down I always gave you my hand and risk everything for you. Wen you need someone I was the one who was ther giving you everything I had and know wen I need you your not there wen I fall you arnt there to help me. You left me alone bleading. And wen its too late you apear.

Hi. This will be weird for most i suppose but I dont care. Dont read it if you dont want to. I am about to leave to a friends house and theres a good chance I will smoke weed for the first time in a few months. Weed usually has quite an effect on e especially when it comes to the death department. (It makes me want to live) So I am writing this, my true feelings and tonight when I come back I will re- read it and see which of my “feelings” has changed.
I dont want to […]

I wish my life was more exciting. Everyday I get consumed by forced positivity just so I can have people not want people to be annoyed with my personal problems. My mom thinks Im crazy. My dad would rather have his college-aged son. Girls don’t like me at all. Im made fun of for my nationality because I try to hide it with jokes about myself. I don’t see myself being the moviemaker and cartoonist I want to be anytime soon. Why do I even bother with life. I don’t want to be a member on this site forever. I just want someone to understand […]

Get on ebay, or wherever, and buy something. Anything. Me, I like to buy cheap $2 DVDs. Now sit back and wait until it arrives. Congratulations, you just lived another day (or 2 or 3 depending on how slow the mail is).

Do you even really need it? I’m just trying to figure this out.

Any time in my life that I have ever had a cold or the flu, my parents are the first to care for me. They make me soup, take me to the doctor, buy me medicine, and do everything in their power to get me to the healthy person I was days before. They always treat me so well and understand that this illness is not my fault.

When I have a cold, my nose runs and I cough a lot.
When I have the flu, I throw up and have a fever.
These are symptoms that my parents can clearly see.

Mental illness, on […]

does any one have an e-copy of Chris Dockers Last Five Acts?? If so can you send me a copy??
I have tried ordering on amazon, but for some reason it aint working.. and i cant find any other website that sells it..
Plus i cannot find a free copy either..
so if you have a copy please send it to me at : clariepereira {at} live {dot} com

I’ve decided that I’m giving myself a lazy day today.

No working on my online classes, no obsessive cleaning, no errands to run.

I’m going to take a bath, put on my pjs, slip into bed and knit while watching Benny and Joon.

I might just not move at all today.

On a high dive from the skyline, I sit and watch the world turn, war and hate to burn. A ticking time line with this hopeless haze, still I wanna be.. The outsider I’ve come to be.

Maybe your too good for me.. Compare me to celebrities. If I wait for world relief.. But I’m not trying to be noticed, just the outsider you’ve wanted to see.

On a high dive from this skyline, I’m falling further down.. Soon ill hit the ground. But on a fly by, I hope to set the pace here.. Try not to be.. The outsider they make of me.

From […]

I once heard a good suggestion for people suffering from depression/suicidal thoughts/self harm.

Make a “safety box” full of things that make you happy. Hide it somewhere and pull it out only when you are in extreme danger of doing something to yourself.

I’ve never made one for myself, even though I always thought it was a good idea. I would probably put old (happy) photos, old journals, letters from friends and oh yes… a bunch of chocolate bars in there. I’m just curious, what kind of stuff would you guys put?

I don’t know what to say…

I just can’t do it anymore.

I tried but I always end up hurting…

I really tried this time.

I’ve suffered from insomnia for over a year, but over the past few months it’s gotten worse. I can’t sleep at night. I just can’t. If it’s dark out, I won’t sleep.

I sleep for about 3 hours max every night. On weekdays, I fall asleep around 5 and wake up at 6:30. On weekends, I sleep an extra hour. I can’t even sleep with the lights on.

I’ve taken sedatives, I’ve meditated, I’ve tried going three days without sleep to exhaust myself and nothing works. My brain fights everything.

I hate you, PTSD. You’ve taken everything from me: My happiness, my childhood, my sanity. The least you […]

I am mentally tired. I haven’t been able to think straight for weeks. And its getting worse.

For me, this feeling is usually folowed by a meltdown. But i havent had one jet.

Maybe I have become Numb… or something. idk. ARRRRR. I cant think straight and my head hurts like hell.

I feel like a bomb in a box. Who cant explode nomatter how badly i want to.

I have tried sleeping but when i wake up, i still feel just as exhausted as before. I cant cry even tho i want to. I dont feel like braking stuff or screaming so whats the point. And cutting just dosnt cut it for me.(Ignore the pun -_-)

TO THE POINT: […]

Cause its just too much work….and keeping up with the different moods I don’t like really I just want to
work on myself and keep to my geeky boyfriend,The one that’s on my facebook that the ‘world’ know about
If I get checked out on the way to the store fine,But I really don’t want to talk to other guys right now

It makes me feel not so alone

I dont like living here my sisters like a frenemy, Everything she says is backhanded
like a backhanded compliment its tense and awkward with my dad, Think no eye contact as
we pass each other or in the same room, yea you know how that goes My moms a dumb *****
On top of that I bought all these clothes online(large and 1x) and they still fit kind of tight
They don’t fit where you could wear em and look cute, I think if I lost twenty pounds theyd fit good,
well anyways yea that too and everyone is telling me shit ’cause im not […]

Nothing will ever be the same again. I’m broken and can’t be fixed. You promised you’d never leave me, promised you loved me. Made me trust you, made me feel safe. Now you’re gone I’m empty. People tell me it will get easier, I’ll move on and be happy again but they don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t want to move on, I don’t want to be happy again. I don’t deserve to be. I had a family and I lost it, I had it taken from me. Nothing’s ever going to be okay again.