Why is there suffering? Why are we here? I don’t care if these questions sound cliche, they are the most important questions that we as a species and as a biological life form should be asking.  Right now as I type this I have just finished the first post on my suicide journal, and I can feel the “energy” in my hands and my fingers.  The energy I feel is real, you may say it is just adrenaline, or excitement, or arousal, or whatever.  I tell you it is my soul or my energy body being stimulated by the art form of writing.  It is […]
I was just curious what everyone was up to right now in their real lives? I know you are probably just checking in or maybe even hanging out on SP.. So what are you doing right now?
It’s early morning for me so I’ve been up for 2 hours taking medicine and commenting on posts. But now I’m back in bed writing this. Soon I will be hungry enough to make breakfast. Might just have cereal today. 🙂 I’m feeling ok today.my spine is acting up causing a pain down my leg but I’m trying to stretch a bit without waking my wife. Hmm..
So what are […]
Hey everyone, first time using this WordPress thingy…quite strange browser but anyway,
This journal is about my attempt at self-starvation  and abstinence from all things sexual until my death. Please do not try to convince me to not go through with this, if anything, I may “hallucinate” (I believe it is actual spirit interaction) which may convince me to not kill myself.  We shall see.  I may be inspired to not go through with my method after all, but it’s gonna take some divine intervention :P.
I have been abstinent from any form of sex for about 4 days now counting Day 1 as the 4th day. My […]
A week ago today I tried to OD on some pills. I though I had gotten the dosages right. Turns out I just woke up in a pile of my own vomit.
Since that time, the only phone calls I’ve received have been from telemarketers. I haven’t gotten any emails from friends or family. I’m unemployed so no one missed me at work. If I had died, I think the only person who would have missed me would have been my landlord. He only would have missed me because I wouldn’t be paying rent anymore.
It’s ok though, it’s […]
I am totally useless, worthless… I am nothing. My inner voice of negativity is winning, and my mood swings are taking over. I want to cut again… I want to turn off all the lights, and cry in the dark.
I will never achieve anything, I am wasting my time and others. I am selfish, I am incredibly and irrefutably USELESS.
What’s the point of living when I have nothing to offer? There is no point….
Today we had our first acting class since Sam died. It was okay. There was a lot of crying and discussion. We were all there for eachother it w great. Then at the end of the day we stood in a group huddle and we talked about how we and done Sam proud, how he would have wanted us to enjoy the day like we did. We feel closer now. Much closer and I love it. I think this sort of support is important and I never want ot lose it, the students in that class are the best friends ill ever have, we are […]
Often times, parents try to set the best example for their kids. If you set a good example, and teach your kids about morals, manners, and respect, they’ll turn out great, right?
My mother was bipolar, a recovering alcoholic, and extremely paranoid. She killed herself when I was four.
Now, I’m 17.
My father is a successful school supervisor and is married to a lovely woman. They have two adorable children together.
My older brother works in an office and is getting married.
My sister lives in Mexico with her husband and is enjoying life.
The difference between me and them? I found my mother in the basement when she killed […]
So in seventh grade, a good friend of mine was very very close to ending her own life. At the time, I was extremely close to her and that morning she texted me saying her goodbyes and for helping her through everything. This was all on the bus to school, and at that point I was panicking because I wouldn’t be able to see her as we went to different schools. In my rush, I came to the conclusion that I needed to find help so I found another friend of mine who is also her cousin. We went and talked to the school counselor, […]
Hello life,
You are everything and nothing at the same time
and letting go of what controls you here, is the hardest thing you’ll ever face.
Once you realize what is right and what is hate,
even aside from all the pain.
How do you live? How do you avoid this pain?
They say you cant live that way,
but I never reply. I don’t care to explain.
I feel pain, even avoiding it all the same.
I feel so much pain. Every. Single. Day.
I’m not avoiding the feeling of loosing to the world.
I’m already dead, emotionally to this place.
I sound apathetic? I am.
You […]
why is it the society so consious about scaring and pigmentation so
Much and governments doesn’t give
Any damn thing about it.i mean no treatment,no research.no nothing everybody act like we didn’t exit.and
While some criminals offered an assisted type of death.we will be offered an agony kind off death.
Why?
I honestly don’t know what to do.  I tried to tell my parents my problems but they say that they’re stupid reasons and people go through worse stuff.  I pretty much don’t have anyone to talk to about my problems.  I self-harm.  It started when my uncle committed suicide, it pretty much shattered my heart.  Then one year later my best friend died.  That pretty much broke me, and last summer I sat there in the hospital after my game to stay with my grandpa, and I watched him die.  That’s when I started to get depressed, after everyone around me was dying and I […]
Do you have anyone (IRL or on the internet) for who you could say that he/she really understands you? Someone with whom you could talk about anything that you think about.
If yes, who is it? If not, do you think that a person like that even exists?
And at the bottom of every drink, another memory fades.
But only for a moment.
A temporary solution for a permanent situation.
I’m slipping.
Back again.
Here again.
Fuck.
Every day I wake up and go through the same shit, nothing necessarily bad, nut nothing good, ever.
Every time I think something good is gonna happen and make stuff better, it doesn’t, and I just end up feeling worse.
I have a lot of friends, and I’m pretty popular, but every fucking day shit gets worse.
I used to be laidback and funny and outgoing and just a nice fucking person but everyday my patience runs shorter and I’m starting to become so paranoid and I get losses off so fucking easily anymore.
This has been ongoing for the past 6 months and it really hasn’t snapped into […]
Its actually possible to coax yourself into cardiac arrest through careful meditation if you are trying to die.
You sit, with you eyes closed, and try to enduce what many people call an anxiety attack, or what i see as trying to remember where you were before you animated your body.
As a baby i can remember categorizing every experience i had, and knowing that whatever i was in-my body- was a highly advanced prison, designed to fool me into keep myself inside it.
I can remember taking account of and noticing my breathe, how many times i had inhaled and realizing that if i didn’t stop immediately […]
But you don’t know what it’s like,
to wake up in the middle of the night,
scaring the thought of kissing razors.
Life is not a gift.
It is a curse.
It is an evil thing.
Many of us living beings will not live humane lives, let alone happy ones
Billions of animals and people have been tortured to death in the history of this miserable planet……http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/the-worst-ways-to-die-torture-practices-of-the-ancient-world-a-625172.html
And maybe one day we will be tortured to death too.
If only people would think on these things before they have children
And save their unborn children from entering this world.
I feel numb.
I feel so sad.
I need time, and I need life.
I hate being alone, but I’m always on my own.
Loneliness has become part of me, it’s always near,
I’m afraid of it, but I let myself embrace in it,
I want this to go, It really fucks me up.
My parents don’t want me. I hear them talk about how i was a mistake. They talk about it when they think i am sleeping. But im not. I hear them talk about it. After a while, i just decided to distance myself away from them. I go to school and i don’t want to leave. I come home and stay in my room. I am not wanted here. I think to my self every day. I think that one day, i will have the balls to either run away or just commit suicide. I haven’t decided yet. Im still debating. I have a lot […]