Every day I wake up and go through the same shit, nothing necessarily bad, nut nothing good, ever.
Every time I think something good is gonna happen and make stuff better, it doesn’t, and I just end up feeling worse.
I have a lot of friends, and I’m pretty popular, but every fucking day shit gets worse.
I used to be laidback and funny and outgoing and just a nice fucking person but everyday my patience runs shorter and I’m starting to become so paranoid and I get losses off so fucking easily anymore.
This has been ongoing for the past 6 months and it really hasn’t snapped into my perception until pretty recently.
I failed school last year cause I stopped giving a fuck about school, I’m going on 16 and going into 10th grade btw.
People have been telling me lately that I’m selfish anymore and sometimes a can’t smile for the fucking life of me I feel so shitty and my mom or someone will ask ‘why do you look so depressed’, so I just give them a fucking look and they’ll say ‘just cheer up’.
Last time my mom told me to just cheer up I fucking exploded and said ‘how the fuck am I supposed to cheer up when nothing makes me fucking happy, I have no money, I’m not exactly fit, I’m not in a relationship, tell me how the fuck I’m supposed to just ‘cheer up’.
She said it’s just a phase you’ll get over it.
I can’t see that happening anytime soon.
It’s just been this way for so long.
Nothing that used to make me happy works anymore, in fact they just make me feel worse.
I’m a casual weed smoker but I’m looking for something more concealable and much more effective.
I’m thinking of getting opiates from one of my best friends, for now at least until It gets better.
The only thing that I can really see making me happy is a real relationship, but, being a gay guy, I don’t want to come out to the school, and all the guys that I have gone out with before have been those stereotypical fags that talk with the stupid fucking accent, that dress in pink and stuff.
So I guess my question to you guys would just be, can anyone relate, at least to some degree?
12 comments
Hi ^.^ you sound really stressed, don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to cheer up, personally I like feeling sad. I get more accomplished. But is there anyway you could turn what you feel into something productive?
I would really like to honestly, and I think I could, but I lack the means, being money. When I get it, that’s what I plan to do, and I will get it one way or another.
Is it some kind of art your planning on making?
Not necessarily. Perhaps just something else to keep me entertained, that could possibly grow into a job, so to speak, like youtube, for example. The for replying btw, I just discovered this site and had a sudden urge to vent :p
Hmm… do you have depression? I feel very similar to you. In eleventh grade, I started doing poorly in school because I was tired of doing the same thing over and over. Only my family knows that I am depressed and nobody that I know knows that I am gay except myself, mainly because if I admitted I were gay, I probably would never even find a date where I live. As time goes by, I realise that I piss people off even more. People see me as lazier, less friendly, and so on. The truth, however, is that I am bored. Life is like a maze in my opinion, but what is the reward at the end? Maybe I think a bit too far ahead, but oh well. I keep questioning everything.
Lol no prob. Sp is great for venting. A lot of talented people here too!!! YouTube can be informational as well, put together some cash and find you a cheap second hand guitar and use YouTube to teach yourself how to play. Turn your bad feelings into something productive
I’m not officially diagnosed with depression, but I have taken the Goldberg depression survey, I think it was and scored a 50 which is a moderately high score. I’m typically a very optimistic, laidback person, but at some point every day my paranoia and anxiety kick in where I feel as if I’m gonna lose my shit. My close friends and close family know I’m gay, but know one knows I’m depressed accept me. As for life being a maze, I’m not trying to get out and finish it, but to truly live it.
Hey…I’m a teacher/college professor (I know, I know) who works with LGBT kids. Sometimes, if you don’t have the means to make something better in the immediate, you have to just work to survive it. When you get out of high school, a whole new world will happen for you. You gotta find your people… You can go where LGBT kids your age are accepted. You can have really rich, successful relationships (I started in this work because my brother is gay). If you’ve got a computer and some privacy, reach out. Go to the Trevor Project. Go to the It Gets Better Campaign. A LOT of kids hate their lives in 10th, 11th and 12th grades. You are not alone.
I actually do play guitar, I’m not great though and most of what I know is sublime and system
Practice practice practice. cover songs are great to learn with, but write you a few songs and go out somewhere local and give it all ya got!!!!
The for the advice but it’s almost 2 here do I’m gonna get off, but it’s been nice talkin
I still feel that exact way since from high school- now I’m 20…
Been trying to understand what this meant; i read summaries of ayn rand and F neitzches work, scrutinized the matrix trilogy (only because it was the only thing that gave me resonating happiness at the time), i met movies such as scarface, revolver, meeting evil, etc and then things made slightly more sense. I dont want to tell u what i realised because its going to seem like its not really what you want and just maybe it isnt maybe its different for everyone but after reading your story i know that i feel like that way every fucking day – yeah, it never goes away! But dont kill yourself cause thats just running away; you have plenty of time to be dead! I feel that the day we get over this is when we truly find ourselves (and all the things we as sole individuals yearn for). Listen to your mind, ask it questions, and answer them, analyse them, make a choice about them… ultimately know yourself and be yourself! Don’t fight to meet peoples expectations meet your own. Judge yourself and blame yourself – yeah that’s hard but there’s always a price to pay for the truth!