I’m sorry Anais
I hope I’m being paranoid
I grow up with my mom yelling at me my dad coming home drunk, high, he would come home angry, he would always attack me or my brother or even my mom. I guess all the anger and sadness i have in me is because of him he abandon my family. These past few years have been the roughest i haven’t seen him in 4 years. I wont see him for another 8 he got arrested. My mom and my me havent been getting along always blaming me for everthing it sad when your own mom even says she doesnt want to be alive because […]
Hi, I just wanted to say that ever since my soul mates suicide I have found life meaningless and refuse to get close to anyone else. I spend as much time alone as possible and wish I never woke up everyday. I’m usually ok once I get going but the mornings are torture. I truly feel that all I do is work hard and then go out partying and get wasted to kill the pain. Its hard to accept when you know you long for death but just on’t quite have the conviction to do it yet. I don’t want to put my family through […]
I don’t think i could ever kill myself.. But i don’t want to be here. I wish i was dead.. I just don’t think i could do it. I would chicken out. I wish i could though. I have tried and it failed. I tried cutting deep. Like really deep. But i couldn’t do that either. I do cut though. I have scars all over my body. I just really wish i could do it. I wish i was gone. It would make everyone lives easier. I have been told that to. By people at school.
I wish i could Marry Marilyn Monroe
I just spent the night at my guy friends house along with a couple of other so-so friends. It took me all night to realize that he was just as dark and alone as I was. He has been depressed for almost as long as I have. That’s a really long time. He carries the weight of everything on his shoulders. He’s constantly pressured and yelled at by everyone. That explains why he always looked so pissed in the hallways whenever I saw him. I can’t wait to see him on Tuesday (no school Monday) and see more of his point of view. I finally […]
Pagoda… Death to birth
I feel increasingly alone, I have some friends, not that I don’t have anything , but this gap is unexplained this existing and sinks me.
these were my first cuts, I never thought about suicide or something so far
I 
18
I counted up now many days since my largest problems began. I have been clinically depressed for 379 days.
Is it really right to be 17 years old, alcoholic, abusing drugs and 4 separate suicide attempts under my belt? No, I wouldn’t say it was. But miracles happen to those who need it, not those who would like it.
All I have to say this time really. Just thought I’d share my number and I’m interested in listening to others numbers and reasons behind it.
when I put my hand on a gun, I’ll open a big gap in my temple so all sad memories, dark thoughts, non-stop head ache, & brain pressure will go away.
Earlier this week, I was confronted by my boyfriend. He;s one of the only people that’s truly nice to me. Yeah, he doesn’t know my whole story, but he knows I’ve been through a lot.
So anyways, we were hanging out, and he put his arm around my waist. As usual, I shied away a little bit, before forcing  myself to stay there. I just don’t deal well with human contact. Even though I know he’d never hurt me, I just don’t deal well with it.
So, I guess he noticed how I moved a little so he decided to ask me about it. He asked why […]
I’ve posted here before (http://suicideproject.org/2013/04/failed-as-a-man/), and since, I’ve had a lot of time to think.
My situation has not changed, despite my efforts. Â Frustrated, I tried explaining how I felt and thought to my psychiatrist. Â As expected, he totally ignored my reasoning and started pushing anti-depressants again. Â Annoyed, I pushed back. Â I wanted him to recognize that my thought processes were valid – and if they he didn’t think they were valid, he should address them instead of just ignoring. Â He flat out said “I was not thinking correctly” and essentially dismissed my input entirely from the therapy.
Needless to say, I’ve since stopped seeing him.
I’ve tried […]
I finally realized TRUE happiness comes from trying to help OTHERS not just yourself.The more I try to help myself the more I fall but the more I help others the more I feel that I AM making a DIFFERENCE.
My life is a kind of hell today, but I know there are better days. I don’t want to abandon them. I hope you find hope. It always exists 🙂
I used to be a cheerful person, until my break up and subsequent events that followed..you can read my story here…i was very very sad for almost 6 months to the point of turning insane..I literally used to cry myself to sleep.. it was so bad that i couldn’t go out in public and make a conversation with a friend with out tears rolling up my eyes(even if we were talking about the movie we wanted to watch that week end)..
things have changed slightly since then, and these days i don’t FEEL anything anymore… i used to get […]
I’m heading into town. I’m alone, for now. Meeting for drinks with my sister. And I decided for the first time in… a long time, I’m going to do something completely selfish.
I’m going to get drunk and then I’m going to throw myself under a train.
I thought about this when I said goodbye to my lover earlier tonight. A voice in my head telling me that it was the last time I would ever see her. Make it count. “I love you so much. I love you so much. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”
The last time I will see anyone. […]
amid the lies
truth I seek
full of lies is my world
lies they say
lies I accept
and slowly slowly
lies become the truth.
Do you know how it feels
to live lies
knowing even that its a lie
terrible it is
life becomes dead
Do you know how it feels
when your true nature you can’t find
when the question “who am I?”
lives in the background 24 hours
impossible becomes to choose
every act a battle.
“Truth must Prevail”
I have heard
wondering on its validity
living on its hope
you know, man is small
small is his will
seek can he, but cannot find
try can he, but cannot change
he can live
he can love
he can suffer
yes, he is the experiencer
but he can’t change
he can’t achieve
too vast is […]
I know how to fix my problems. I’ve even written out, step-by-step, how to beat this thing. But every time I look at my to-do list, I’m overcome with a sense of “why bother?” and I’ve never been able to answer that question.
Even worse, the things on my list, while being relatively simple, are very painful for me (such as calling people on the phone). So we have no motivation plus absolute dread of the task.
For what? So that some day I can look back on my life and say that I survived?
That and 50c will get you a cup of coffee.
Totally random video […]