I feel like I just need to scream. I need to just scream and just keep screaming to get all these feelings out. I just want to be happy. After all my years of dealing with depression I’ve never wanted to be off this earth as much ad I do now. You’d think I have a good life, I work a lot, have honors and ap classes in school. But everything’s fake. I’m so fake. I wake up for school and put on a smile.I am abused. I’m a senior in highschool and Im being mentally abused by my freshman brother. I have this personality […]

When a person is born … what is the purpose behind that birth??? What is the purpose behind mine???? Am I just born to nearly get everything one can want and have it snatched away from me in a second??? being born with calcium deficiency and convulsions… since then it has always been a struggle… I would have died then and there but mom sells her assets to save me… but for what ??? to torture me when i grow up… to prove that i am a mistake in her life… when i din’t have an issue with her marriage… why the sudden change from […]

To anyone, and everyone, who doesn’t know me I am no one special.  I have suffered little external abuse, but I have damaged myself extensively.  I feel awful for having put my friends and family through so much to leave them with so little.  I survived, yet my letters did not.  Am i wasting oxygen?  I believe all human beings are capable of greatness ad that all human beings can create miracles.  The only wall that stop us are the ones we built.  All persons are capable of changing the world and all persons are deserving of love.  You are important; you are incredible; you […]

First, the blah blah.  My mother wanted nothing to do with children, I was the only one she had that survived.  The rest were aborted, but by the time she was pregnant with me in the late 1960s, with her being 34, she disappeared for days looking for someone to terminate the pregnancy.  Finding no-one who would, and being a doctor herself, she tried various abortifacients (substances and treatments to induce abortion) on her own.  Today, you can even easily find such things, though not labeled as such, at health food stores.  That didn’t work, though I was sufficiently damaged at birth that I was […]

I don’t know. I battle this little thing in my head that tells me to stop eating. “Stop eating! Your thighs are getting bigger, your appearance is getting uglier. Stop!” But I don’t listen. I eat away. No, I don’t throw it up, I don’t take laxatives. Nothing. I’m afraid that someday, that voice will win. I want to to stop. I’m craving the taste of hunger pains. It’s an urge inside of me. Why am I like this? I know I will accomplish not eating. I know it. But when?

I don’t want to die cause a guy broke my heart. I want to die cause Love is always to hard on me. I fall too hard and too easily. I get harrassed and no one will help me. I have loved but it was fake. Love isn’t real. Even if it was it would be fake. I don’t want to die cause I’m single i want to die cause I’m unwanted.

Thank you for this fucked up spine of mine, as if life isn’t ironic enough. Thank you for the pain and this poor excuse for a body. I appreciate you having my “back” -yes, pun intended- and making sure that I have a strenuous job to fill my time which gives me juuuust enough to survive on. Thanks for not cursing me with some horrible disease where i wouldn’t be able to afford treatment..I won’t piss and mone about that..that’s for sure.

Oh and don’t worry.. I found a wife.. No need to jump in and save my sorry ass anymore. I’m sure you were […]

I’ve survived suicide before, but  like many people  like me, I’ve never gotten over the depression.  Quick backstory information, I OD’d about 3 years ago.  Now suicidial thoughts have come back (note that I’m not actively suicidal right now), and it seems like my family is hostile towards me again when I need them most.

I know what it looks like, I’ve lurked on this website for several years.  The reason my family are more hostile to me when I’m depressed is because I clamor their attention about it a lot.  The truth is, I NEVER complain about being depressed.   I don’t ‘hide’ it from them, […]

Hi every one I don’t really know what to put down here, I don’t feel like ranting, but I am losing it again and I kinda think that talking to some one would really help. So please feel free to ask me anything or say anything to me at all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0

“would you know my name if i saw you in heven”

rip to

tom royle marens ika shot in the chest a frend of a frend is a frend of mine

lans corp “head” kia ied my dear frand and felow spec ops sloger see you soon

pt “hanabul” kia ied wash your fucking socks you smeley **** hugs and kissis

st “shoutey” kia shot in head well sarg im in your place now so there love you rely

pt “hulk” stw shot in lower ab bled out love you man just dont hug me you still stink of swet probs

jake suicide you shot your self infrot of me i love you and i under stand why you did it

katey suicide […]

Sat in the corner of my room with a blade, and counted all the things I doubt,
Probably not the best solution, just had to try it out.
Turns out it’s not the smartest idea, now with all the cuts down my arm,
Just goes to show how fucked up the world is, can you see its doing harm?
I’m the kid you shouldn’t worry about, I’m too destroyed to care,
But look at reality and open your eyes, life is cruel and unfair.
We can’t turn to anyone so the only way out is six feet down,
We’re dropping like flies, cause nobody listens […]

My head hurts right now, but not as much as my… thing that pumps blood? Heart! Oh yeah, I almost forgot I had one. Mangled, shot, and stabbed, and still breathing till this day. Quite impressive resilience.

Maybe it’s because college is here again, or I’m slipping into insanity already, but I started missing my ex again. Relapsing, if you would. It’s been getting stronger and stronger the past few days, even though it’s been 2 years already. And I don’t know why. I’ve even resorted to jacking it to her public profile pics on the Book of Faces. Probably my lowest low of all the […]

So sorry Syria,
It’s your turn now to suffer the relentless war machine we have created. This was never the “dream” of the people, but some one pressed the bottom and now the machine is unstoppable.
Our collective hands are in the air and our perspective noses are back to the floor, our febel eyes rolled back with our stubborn feet kicking pebbles in our absence of helpful words for reasoning.

“I guess..I guess..well idk!”

If we had control over ourselves..idk!
If we really believed in a better world for…idk!
And if we could change things for tomorrow […]

Honestly its pissing me off and I really needed somewhere to rant and get out all these terrible ideas and thoughts out of my head.

Me and my boyfriend have been going through a rough patch with my trust issues and his past relationship. But I have been trying to put up with it for a long while. I mean, I do understand that we will things that the others left behind but saying the you have already got rid of it and lying to my face. It hurts. The reason why im just so incredibly angry right now is because I found naked pictures of […]

I want to want to live as opposed to being alive and having to live

I am 43, just quit a job I was in which I did because I’m supposed to want to live, to be grateful for being alive but I do not and am not.

I’m not grateful, I see no merit in being grateful. Moreover, to whom is this gratitude supposed to go.  Did someone create me and now I owe them? Really?

Sounds like b.s.

The idea that I should live my life out of gratitude to a benevolent being seems really odd.

I trudge through this existence, yearning for it to end but I cannot end it…quickly that is…I have the notion of taking a walk…a long walk…that […]

My life has no meaning. I spend almost all my time doing nothing, when i try to do something different, i fail and feel like i can;t do anything. since i was 6 years old, my older sister would of called me names and yelling to me im incapable and retarded. It might sound like it’s not so bad but then again i have my mother yelling and shouting to me how much of horrible daughter. she tells me how my brother and sister are better and that she would of never got me in this world if she knew what i was going to […]

I need to find someone who is like me and can tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.
I have this continuous feeling that I will never be good enough for anyone and that I have an expiry date, a certain amount of time a person can spend with me before they start to hate me.
This is not a once in a while thing, I feel like this all the time.
I cry myself to sleep every night parying to god to fix the thing that’s fucked up about me.
I need someone who has felt the same way as me to […]

For the past weeks I’ve noticed everyone smile and be happy, Lying to everyone and saying I’m happy so I will be explaining my feelins through these lyrics:

“Seems like the gods are punishing me

shackled in chains I just can’t Break free

Hands round my throat tighten the grip

bound by my sins so my wings have been clipped

I’m paying the price, I’m doing the time

serving my sentence for doing the crime

So show me the heavens or drag me to hell

my story is over i bid you farewell, I bid you farewell

now drag me to hell”

I did not write these lyrics BFMV did, its the easiest way to […]