I’m 18 years old and I feel trapped in my life. Every single day since I can remember, I’ve woken up miserable and hating myself. It started when I was 4 years old and my parents got divorced. My dad got married a few months later and I lost almost all contact with him aside from our three hour visits each month, which are forced and I dread going to. I grew up living in an apartment complex and my family was in a horrible financial situation. My mom would yell and complain and take out her depression on me and my siblings every day of every year. She and […]
I’m writing as a person who’s reached wit’s end. Everything went wrong; I have no true family anymore. I was the youngest of 4 brothers until the eldest killed himself 3 years ago. The second oldest would hit and swear at my mother- much like my dad did- until she cried on the floor. He would just shove me away when I tried to stop him because I’m wheelchair bound with multiple sclerosis. That brother is gone to medical school now.
The one closest to me in age has cut ties with us; he lives in Utah with his wife and son. We weren’t told […]
I don’t care if anyone answers, I just need to know that someone out there has heard my story.
I guess is how most stories of depression start out, daddy leaves and so forth. Well my dad left 6 years ago, when I was 11, and I haven’t seen him since. I was confused at first and hurt, but I put on a facade of cockiness because I hated being perceived as weak. I developed depression but no one noticed because I was so good at hiding it. I started eating as a coping method and gained a lot of weight. Kids made fun of me […]
This is my life story…
My name is Troy. Born on January 12th, 1996
My life hasnt been all that great,Ive lost both my parents, and am currently in a fosterhome with my new foster parents.
It all started on October 11th,2008. My mom and dad started arguing and they divorced. After that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She fought as much as she could and i couldnt say im proud to say she was my mother. Its so hard not to cut, I miss her so much and yet i have Nobody to comfort me. Ive been in the same foster home a few weeks […]
The anger I have towards you is unbearable, make me feel lower then dirt, I hate you for everything I am, i ain’t scare of nothing but I’ll sure say i’m scare of myself because anything could happen. Dead or alive just know I hated you for everything you done
If I was in a Nazi concentration camp, part of the black slave trade or something like that, I would think this a really crappy life with no future, in a shed load of pain, involuntary supporting evil selfish people.
I would have no qualms nor hesitation in terminating myself.
Although there were instances of this, the vast majority didn’t.
How does that work?
Why I feel this way I don’t know. I’m just upset about nothing. Pathetic, really. Right? I wasn’t bullied. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t abused. I’m just sad. I really do wish that I had a proper reason; a trigger; a valid purpose for wanting to end my life. They all say life will get better, but I don’t think it will. I used to. I thought this was all just a phase; a couple years of my life spent wallowing in my own pity and sadness. I’m only a teenager, after all. I will be sad sometimes. But this is a new feeling. A feeling […]
I was watching T.V and a commercial for anti-depressants came on…..It said how it could help you…blah, blah, blah but then something made me think; the blatant irony ….” side affects may include nausea, vomiting or the increase of suicidal thoughts in children, young adults and adults”….Sooo this medicine has a risk to make people more suicidal than they are now….. but its supposed to work against depression? Its not guaranteed to work but it has a risk to fuck you up in the head even more? On what planet does this make sense? Hell, they might as well give you a gun with a […]
I’m sure that people here would consider me some what/completely delusional. Some of my claims are just far out there sometimes. But the truth is that no one has ever told me that I suffer from delusions (of all kinds) in my real/personal life. I’m not a liar, I know that..
Some examples are: I can predict the future (sometimes)
I tend to see ghosts where ever they are most present.
I can lift the back end of a Buick, and yet, my spine is broken (the bones)
I don’t age at all.
And probly the one most underestimated thing about me is that I’m a […]
I realise that when the moment comes it’s going to be difficult, the instinct/will to live will be VERY strong.
I tell myself I am just one of 7 billion humans who will all be gone anyways, on a planet that will also be gone after that, in a universe that will be gone after that.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” – Mark Twain
“I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife […]
Source : Baumeister’s Meanings of Life
In 1969, three sadistic researchers investigated the human stress response to loud sounds.
Participants in this experiment tried to solve problems while subjected to random blasts of unpleasant, unpredictable, loud noise. Working under these conditions was quite stressful, and most participants showed harmful aftereffects during the hour after the noise stopped. These harmful effects included lowered frustration tolerance, poorer concentration and persistence, and unpleasant feelings.
One group of subjects, however, chosen individually at random, had been told by the experimenter before the study that there was a button on the desk that would turn off the noise. The experimenter said he’d prefer […]
So today I am trying to buy me some more weed. I feel alittle bit better today. But I know its not from the pot. Granted, it does help SOME what, just not on the level I would like it to.
I had a very disturbing dream last night, which ended up with me sleeping on the most uncomfortable couch ever. Anywho, I dreamed that I was completely ready to die. I had wrote a ten page suicide note explaining why I could not live in constant lonely dispair anymore. I had the pages beside me and a 708 in my hand.
I loaded the chamber, pulled […]
I’m nineteen, tried suicide four times this year, spent 16 weeks in a psychiatric hospital and have been depressed for four years. Tell me one reason why I should carry on to live every day wanting to die. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve experienced mental, physical and sexual abuse, my parents have a drink problem my brother is in prison and my other brother does not talk to me. I’ve attempted to hang myself and I’ve taken over doses. When I last overdosed I had to go to hospital by ambulance and I was left with kidney damage. But hey, what do I care […]
I’m not going to waste my time on idiots, moochers, degrading, controlling, manipulative, sons of bitches. I’m tired of those people and what they tend to put me through. They constantly drag me down, throw a guilt trip or 12, and feed off all of the energy saved up inside of my body, my mind, and my spirit. I’m doing me from here on out, and I don’t give two fucks what anyone has to say about it.
Mind games are useless, and no longer am I going to play them or have them played against me. It’s so disgusting, and makes me feel so dark […]
The first is the notion that death is the only guarantee in life, so if I choose to end it, it’s my prerogative.
The second is the need for someone to talk to. Is there anyone from the UK on here? I’m off work with manic depression and debility again, and the tablets are screwing with my head and I just want someone to talk to. I’ve browsed this site for a couple of days now and it really is incredible. Some people come to say their goodbyes, some people come for courage. Everyone is fighting for me but I don’t know whether it’s worth it. […]
I just push people away, I hate being close to them for so long cause I know i will lose them one way or another. I just want to be left alone I don’t want to be loved or liked at all. I only hurt them or they hurt me and or both. I am tired of all the circles I go into i am done. I am sitting here crying in my room hating it all. Just let me die everyone please just let me die, lay myself to rest and let this soul out of it human chains and be free. please just […]
I’m going to finish this soon. Â I’ve lost everything. Â Â I got into some trouble (and kept her out of it) and while I was dealing with that, my wife took everything from me. Â We also had a son from her previous relationship. She was cheating on me while I was away, which I didn’t know until I saw her a month later or so. But them i found out she had been cheating for the past 10 months on top if it. Now she has moved in with her new boyfriend and I’m still fighting to get my […]
I go to practice tying the knot to hang myself with and think brilliantly that I already have rope that would be perfect for it. I walk home all excited to try only to realize that I threw out the rope in the beginning of the summer because I wasn’t into bondage anymore and didn’t think I needed it. Haha wow sometimes I really think the world is just messing with me. I can’t explain what a let down that whole rush was.