I have noone to talk to. No friends. Literally. No family. Literally. I haven’t lived at home since I was 17. So I’m turning to the interwebs. If you have knowledge in “T.I.s” that would be divine. Relatively speaking I need someone on my level or the next.

I am 22. This is not a plea for attention, nor am I  searching for pity. Read my other post and maybe my pro to get maybe the slightest idea.

Thanks.

-From one void to another

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhhC_N6Bm_s

First post here, not much to say, after reading some posts here my depression doesn’t seem like shit haha. I always watch this speech when I’m feeling down, hopefully it can comfort/enlighten others.

How could I be lost, if I’ve got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold, how come its got so cold?
How could I be lost, in remembrance I relive?
And how can I blame you if its me I can’t forgive?

Is there any light? Where is the light?? I keep searching, my eyes might be open, but the light, it seems like its running away, always 1 step ahead of me.

Its within reach, but when I try, it just barely eludes my fingertips.

My soul crys out in anguish and despair.

Like a newborn left in a dumpter yearning for the return of his mother.

The […]

a quick note to all you depresso’s out there. this is coming from an aging depressive who is starting to realize a number of things over time…

after spending the most of my life moping.. recently i kinda had a downfall w my gf and i think its pretty much over now.. i smothered her w my negativity and she couldn’t take it..

anyways kids. you only live once. things might seem shitty now. and all of you might wanna shoot yourself. but think of it this way. you live for like 70-90 years right? think of life as a gift, a game and an adventure. you’re […]

I was talked out of suicide the other day. Guilt-tripped out of it, more accurately. And now I feel even worse than I did. I want to die even more. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just so… drained. Already dead inside. There was a quote I read, something about, “You’re just a soul carrying around a corpse” or something like that.
I have one reason I’m alive and he’s also the reason I want to die.
I don’t even know what to do anymore… I have no one to help me…
Even surrounded by people I’m so alone…

I just can’t take waking up and feeling like shit before I even get out of bed anymore. I’ve got my goodbye notes written, I’ve got 200 and something nyquil sleep aid pills, a bottle of maximum strength cough meds and a bottle of whiskey. I dont want to mess this up by waking up. I need to know if this will put me down for good. Im 6’7″ 175 pounds, very skinny. Will this work or do I need more pills? My deadline is tomorrow night. I still have one last goodbye I have to do before I go.

[ [  Jeremy is a friend I recently met during our 2012 Christmas break. He’s a child, around the same age as me, who no one else can apparently see. Also, I do not believe in God, I am probably one of the most unreligious people there is; the ‘sins’ I refer to are just bad things I do, nothing religious about it whatsoever  ] ]

Yesterday I did my weekly confession with Jeremy. I know there are some sins I will happily not commit again. Unfortunately, cutting will always be on my list of sins – but it’s always not me. It’s the voices too. But, […]

Anyone else struggle with drugs and alcohol???  It’s a vicious cycle.  It doesn’t help that marijuana is legal in my state.  I live in Washington.  I come to realize it’s not the way ppl treat me, but its my addiction that screws with my life.  Ppl have been very kind to me lately, but i’m still very unhappy.  I want to die because i’m a drug addict.   Drugs are too available  here in Seattle ><

I don’t know where to begin. But maybe I can start off with saying that I have nothing left to give the world. I feel completely drained of life. Completely. I hate to have to write these words but I don’t know what else to do. I have been on this earth for 29 years and I know that it’s not supposed to be tho difficult. It’s not supposed to be this hard, but it is. It’s overwhelming. If I could say to you the fact of my life I’m sure you old all find things that are really wonderful and I have no south […]

Like the title says thats me today. Been having a few bad days isolated alone inside in this heat in a new city where I don’t know anyone and moved for a real estate deal that went south. Now I am unemployed after years of doing horribly as a self employed professional. I don’t think I could get a job at McDonald’s right now.

Went out and did some errands, paid some bills picked up some lunch. Was feeling okay while doing these things but now i am back watching youtube videos of alternative media ( extremely depressing) and ofcourse am here reading about others feeling […]

Anyone else notice that there is a delay publish setting? How convenient is that. Very convenient, that is how much. I have a very bold plan that I am setting up. I mean it is bold and daring and probably doomed to fail but still very exciting. I just hope I have the nerve to do it. I use to care about whether or not I would be making a public display of my death or trying to limit how gruesome it is, but really there is no rules in death. Trying to create any for yours just hampers the […]

I am 58 and have been clinically depressed for over 3 years. I don’t want to live anymore. I got divorced, lost my home, my job, and was forced to declare bankruptcy. My step children. don’t want anything to do with me and I don’t know why. I have been on all the meds and therapy and nothing works.t want to end it all. end it all.

The day i heard of his suicide , i planned my own.
i turned away from the thought for now, cant cause any more heart ache.

In the silent night, I look back and think.

The people that have treated me badly… the ones that have wronged me… why are they living happily? Where is karma? I am locked behind this door while I keep hating, hating fate for being so unfair.

I feel really sad.

A thoroughly wounded soul, my scars and my pain, will never receive the fair treatment.

It’s just not fair.

Not answering…Not breathing…Why..??!?!

So I need some advice, I am full of guilt and so many emotions right now.

Back Story:

Within the last 2 months, my boyfriend of 4 years decided it would be easier for him to completely pack up and leave me without saying a word. He cut me out of his life and one day just stopped replying. He had told his family that we had split up (news to me) and had moved to a city about 2.5 hours away from me. Before blocking me on Facebook I seen that he has moved in with his new girl, they may not be dating but I […]

Another morning…..trying to focus.  I just can’t.  Why?  To what end?  For another morning, years from now, to realize the same thing every waking moment that I’m miserable and there’s no point.  I can barely look at myself without breaking down.  I hate myself – unworthy fuck.  Fuck you all for making me feel like a freak, but fuck myself most of all for letting it get to me.  I wish I could be stronger.  I should be.  I thought I would have grown out of this, but it’s always there really.  I feel like a scared spoiled brat wasting away in a […]

Well. I wasnt sure about it but today im gonna eat a proper meal.. Eggs and sausage!

Some one reported me… FOR WHAT??

I am sick of feeling the same things over and over.

“I want somebody to care” I say, well seriously. What do I really expect? Why should I expect anybody to care? I am nothing. Nothing at all. I am small and needy, like a child, my mother is surely sick of me by now. The first 2 attempts didn’t work. I’m still waiting for some miraculous solution to reveal itself. Maybe in a few days time. I used to have people in my life. I used to be cared about, now everyone who ever meant something is just a ghost, a memory, and I am […]