i’m male and in my mid-twenties, and have lived long enough now to have seen friends, family members, and others around me make something of themselves, but i never did. i attended college on and off for years after high school, but never attained a degree. i dated pretty and nice girls, but can’t say any relationship i’ve been in lasted long or was meaningful. i’m lonely and have been for a long time. if i try to meet girls, i worry about being hurt again and doom myself to failure. i want to finish my degree, but feel that the only way to do […]
Well I’m back again and glad to know I’m not pregnant but because of the scare he left me and I’m starting to regret that it happened. . . but I’m over it and I’m glad we are no longer together because surprisingly if i was he wasn’t going to be there for me or our child. During that time i had time to meditate and mature some more and realize i should just exclude everyone out my life and start over 🙂 even though i still have days i cut myself because of frustration I’m very much good and getting better thank you for […]
I have been battling depression since I was 12. In the beginning, people dismissed it easily. My parents thought I was just a “moody teenager”. I got used to simply distracting myself, locking myself in my room, listening to music, reading books and writing poetry as a release, almost like every other teenager it seemed, so I guess you could not really blame them for not noticing. The main difference between me and most of my peers from school was that I had self-harm thoughts at least since I was 14. When I was 13 I witnessed my cousin’s abuse (mainly emotional but […]
As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.
Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, […]
Why can’t I choose when my life ends? Why do people think its oh so bad to want to end a life? Im not killing others just myself. I should be able to have some control over what I do. If I can’t have control over my life, then why not my death? Shouldn’t I be able to do what makes me happy? I want it to end on my terms. My terms are dieing with in the first few weeks of school starting.
A year ago I felt so peaceful and free after moving forward on my plans to recover from an eating disorder that had taken over my life and jeopardized my health. I was improving more each and every day, I was enjoying food, and pleasure had been brought back to life. I thought the nightmare was over, I knew relapse was a harsh possibility, but I assured myself I would stay strong. At the time I had no support other than the occasional “I’m so happy for you” from a friend. That’s the way I wanted it, […]
Fear her injections
Her panic is not a release
It’s an excuse
Simply so she can bleed
Her heroine decays the veins
She has things inside
She must kill, it’s killing timeĂ‚Â
When she screams
Let your eyes wander past
She wants you to fear how much you love her
Yet she knows you don’t love her at all
And so she’s afraid of your audacity to care
When she knows that no one cares at all
This duty is fearless to breathe without courage
Burning time, light a match, watch her burn
A witch which you know is innocent among her sin
Cutting time, […]
I found this website called wattpad. Its a website where thousands of people write their own stories and all the people who have accounts are suicidal, emo or gay. So one day I met this boy named Asher. We started talking every second if everyday. Pretty soon I fell in love with Ash, but the problem was he was taken. His boyfriend had been cheating on him for months and he barely found out recently.
Asher meant the world to me. On my birthday I was planning to admit to him that I loved him more than I loved myself, but Ibrecieved news before i could.
His […]
ok. so i am a wife and mom. not happy at all. my life sucks. my kids (14 and 16) and husband are all about themselves. i get no respect (like rodney dangerfield). all i do is give give give and get shit in return. nothing i do is good enough. i had a great job and lost it by getting laid off. i have not had a luck in finding another good paying job. i was a paralegal and the bread winner in my family. i am working again but everybody still thinks that i can just buy buy buy and get get get […]
There r so many things in my life i regret. i just dont seem to ever say or do the right things like what i do is never good enough. alot of the time it makes me feel like a fuck up like i just cant get my shit together but it always comforts me to kno that one day i will b able to leave and just live away from everyone. I feel that as ive gotten older i just suck at relationships. Its not anyone elses fault im truly just an asshole. Idk i just wish that i didnt hav to worry about […]
sunflower youre right.
im avoiding my feelings for a reason.
it doesnt matter the reason.
but i am.
I’m exhausted. neglect, abuse, rejection. Love of my life gone and a new partner the same day. I want to go back to feeling happy. i don’t know how to go, I think im just scared of the process. Today I drank rum and swallowed sleeping pills then went to my roof to jump. I just stared down. All I could think was “will it hurt?” “what will happen after?” “what if I survive?” I’m tired of feeling scared I just want to end this […]
(Moderators beware as this is a rule breaking plauge of destruction. Please dont take it down.)
This is my plan in its final steps in which im going to leave this horrible world. The 25th of august I leave for Britain, the 30th I die.
On the 25th im going to sussex to go to a small suicidal camp to finally end my suffering. They are going to gas me with hydrogen cianide until i pass out and die a non painful death. I have bags, a ticket and a temporary home to stay in before i die.I will Ă‚Â be burnt and given to the people that […]
I know not to worry. But he didn’t call back like he said he would yesterday. “I’ll call back inĂ‚Â a minute” This is a really long minute. He didn’t return the call today…Ă‚Â The second I showed my face in the kitchen this morning, I was yelled at. Because I have sleeping issues and it’s apparently my fault. Then I was b*tched at because I had my door closed. I always have my door closed. Always. ALWAYS. It’s always my fault.. I’m always the reason why everyone else is miserable, and the only thing I did was not interact with anyone but my boyfriend. I’m just […]
Well just a few weeks ago, while I was traveling, my mother lost her job. I figured by the time I got home that things wouldnt be too bad, but that she would be looking for work. Well she has yet to even look for a job. Our finances are really starting to stretch, and I know that, even though she wont admit it. I have been working recently and I am getting a second job soon, while my mother continues to sit at home and not do much.
I understand she is down on her luck, and I don’t want to kick her while she […]
Its been 6 months since i was last here on SP.. Im not sure what compelled me to come back today. but i did. im not sure how long ill stay around the site, but for the time being, im back.
I left several friends on this site, im hoping to find them again.
Sometimes I look back and ask myself, “Why didn’t I die that day.” Should I have died? I obviously didn’t get any better. I remember sitting in the girl’s bathroom at school and I started to slice down my arm. Why did I stop? Why couldn’t I kill myself? Because now I can’t, I can’t do it now. I love you, and yet I hate you. Because of you, I can’t die. I can’t do that to you.
I should have, though. You would have been a lot happier, I can only assume. You would have found some other girl who was more your type. […]
I have no idea what I should do with my life. I know I’m interested in certain things or topics and those are the classes I take but I’ll be a junior in college this fall and I still haven’t figured out what I for sure want to do. It is so stressful. And I’m scared my four years of college will be up and I still don’t know what I want to do… How am I supposed to go out into the “real world?” Just trying to think about these kinds of things I get freaked out and so anxious and it just makes […]
I have had a hard life. Some I brought on myself and some just seemed to happen to me.
In the past few years, things began to turn around and I found myself, what I love was building and growing.
Then I got hit by a car. Hit and run while I was on my bicycle. It turned into a three ring circus with the police behaving badly, my girlfriend behaving so badly I ditched her, I lost my business I put everything into over the pas ttwo years because I couldnt physically and mentally keep up, I was almost evicted last month because there is no […]
whats the objtiv to this if we as suicidel nuts get what we whant its a short sharp bang to the head and deth what dos it feel like ill tell you hit you head agenst concret and thats what it feels like i know this cos if it wernt for the helmit the bullit fird from the ak would of killd me so what happuns well letme lay the seen
you sit in a dark room contomplate you deth lision to a song you feel conects you lode you gun you cry you cry some more you put the gun to your head you stop […]