I opt out. As far as it is possible to opt out without ceasing to exist.

I prefer not to believe in truth, in knowledge, ethics. These things stand as provisional constructs in my mind; scaffolds on which I build the arguments I profess and the rest of my life. Belief in these things has utility; very well, I will profess a belief and use it. Having decided to do this at all, I will use everything at my disposal to achieve an outcome some might consider happy.

I would prefer not to believe that people care about me. It makes the inevitable departure easier. […]

Does anybody have any experience with running away from home? Really going away and really never coming back. I want to disappear without a trace and start my own live, away from my past, away from my problems.

These lyrics from the song by Tears for Fears always play in my head. It’s sad that it is a good song, yet these first lyrics.. these lyrics.

Welcome to your life

There’s no turning back

Even while we sleep

We will find you

Acting on your best behavior

Turn your back on mother nature

Everybody wants to rule the world

I cant do anything good. My life is a burden on my father. The only friend i have is my girl friend. I love her. We are best friends. But my father thinks that she is affecting my studies. She is not, my grandfather died and i was very close to him. After that i was never able to study or do anything properly. I kept on shrinking inside. No one loves me. And i dont want to be a burden anymore on my father, so i am giving up my life. I just want to meet my girl friend once and apologize to her […]

I was maybe 11yo  I was sitting on the toilet when my mother demanded I unlock the door or  she would beat me this was a daily thing for me but the angrier she was the worst the beatings were. I cringed as I unlocked the door ran back to the toilet to finish my business, before I could finish she came in grabbed me by the hair and threw me on the floor with a hardwood stick she began to beat me after she stated a couple of reasons for the beating she stopped and looked around and began to beat me again for […]

Just as i thought things were about to change.. I get pulled back into this never ending cycle of failure. Wish i could die i feel like im just wasting my time living if all im goin to be is a failure…

I think I’m depressed again. My best friend left without saying goodbye and I don’t have many friends. I’m really awkward. I try to be social but it doesn’t ever work because no one likes me. My family hates me and my grandma looks at me like she wants me dead. I live in a family full of people who make me feel worthless and unloved. I guess it doesn’t hurt that they hate me, it hurts that I’m too happy and too big of a coward to just die like they want me to. I live in a world full of people who hate […]

Depression is when people look at and treat you like you have a chronic, life threatening disease when in reality they think you are weak, selfish and simple minded. They keep their façade going to ensure society does not call them out and label them as “a bad, heartless person incapable of sympathy” without thinking of the consequences their actions may have.

That’s all I want in life.  I’m not asking for a lot- not asking to be rich and famous and have lots of frivolous and meaningless stuff.  All I’ve ever wanted since I was 7 was to have peace, happiness and love in my life.  Why is that too much to ask for?

I’ve had such a hard life.  I’ve been such a good person and I DESERVE those 3 things.  But no- why is life so cruel to me?  I’ve had nothing but pain in my life.  It’s just not fair.  And honestly, I really can’t take this pain and endless suffering anymore.  SO much […]

A couple of days ago I started to look back on my life, sixteen you don’t really  have much to think about but I did.  Depression has been with me for now five years now, but it slowly got worse two years ago. I am the third child in my family the “unplanned” one.  Before I started middle school it was perfect loving the life of a elementary school student haha. But it was the summer of going into six grade. My mom and I just didn’t go together anymore we would have fights and she would tell me if you don’t like it here […]

Removed to be safe

Ever sleep the day away because of how empty your life is?

Tonight isn’t as bad as most nights that I’m on here. but that’s because tonight I don’t feel sad or depressed. Tonight.. I don’t feel anything. I feel empty. Broken. I used to know what it was like to love. I still remember how it felt. But now, it seems all a dream. Some days it seems real. The feeling I recall seems nearby. Some days I think tomorrow I might feel it again. But it never comes today. And most days I don’t feel it at all. And I know I should. The last boy I loved was terrible to me. And now I’m […]

My entire life i thought i was going somewhere. I have realized in the past week that i am going nowhere. yes i am young, there is so much i havent done, blah blah blah. dont try to talk me out of it, there is no use. i am nothing but a kindred spirit now :(. i will take the path of so many others in the world and end my miserable life. To the girls that i care about out there (you know who u are) im sorry i had to end it this way. i couldnt deal with the hate. i couldnt deal […]

I feel as if my life has no purpose now, I told my story so it is not a burden anymore, I have tied of my relationships with the few people that were close to me, the school year is over and I have no other commitments that someone else cannot take over if I were to “accidentally” die. The only thing left to do that I can see is apologize, so here I go:

1. I am sorry I am so weak.
2. I am sorry I could not prevail.
3. I am sorry I failed you.
4. I am sorry for being so selfish.

Has anyone heard of using a metal ring when attemping a suspension hanging? I read that you can pad the rope at the front but I don’t quite get using the ring verses a knot. Anyone?

i feel like shit. headache, nausea, hot and cold, shaking, abdominal pain, diarrhea. thinking lithium is not for me. had blood test done on tuesday. but my primary hasn’t seen fit to call me with results. don’t see the shrink until next wednesday. so do i keep taking it or just quit ? because my shrink moonlights elsewhere there is no one easily accessible to ask. guess i will have to wing it. so if not lithium what’s next? i have done all the ssri’s and the snri’s. he says he isn’t giving up. implying i shouldn’t either. well about that. i am thinking that […]

Suicide. That thing that describes the action that people want to take upon themselves, to end ones life. To get away from there problems, there thoughts, there own personal hell that they created. This action has crossed my mind many times. I’ve recently been diagnosed with chrons disease, and the physical and mental torture that comes with that is too much. I had suicidal thoughts before this, and when added its becoming a struggle. 6 months before i went to Dr.s to get it checked out i would experience extreme stomach area pain, everyday, all day. When they diagnosed me with it they prescribed medication. […]

S – slowly breathing in and out
A – about ready to scream and shout
V – vanishing faces focused on life
A – already giving up on that strife
N – not enough fight left in my body
N – never wanted my hands this bloody
A – alright I’ve had enough tears
H – how has tis much time past, so many years

C – clouds cover the sky
O – only I want to die
N – needed one last person to care
S – sorry it was only a dare
T – time has flown by
A – and all I can […]

I dont know why, but i want to kill all the people around me.

Even my family, i love them but, i really want to kill them.
I dont know whats happening whit me, am i crazy?

I feel empty. More death that alive.
I cant feel anything. I not even smile or cry. I feel cold. Empty.

I have try anything. Doctors, medicine, therapy… nothing helps.
I just feel all this fucking needs of blood and death.

Can somebody help me? Please!?