just some random thoughts here. if you ever find yourself in a hospitalization situation remember this. at least for my insurance company-they won’t pay if the stay is considered involuntary. while i assume some sort of court action is needed, you don’t want to be stuck with a large hospital bill. last thing a suicidal person needs. my shrink is pushing the dbt thing. has anyone gone through that? i have been trying to read up about it but the whole psychobabble thing is irritating me greatly. it seems like it is an insult to my intelligence. or maybe i am just being stubborn. either […]
You said youd love me forever, where did that go? You were the only good thing in my life, i took so much shit for you, so what happens to the family we dreamed of? our lives we had planned? what happens to leo?
I tried cutting, it used to take some of the pressure off my heart mind and soul before so i figured maybe it can help again, my knife is too dull tho, any thing short of a full on sawing motion won’t break the skin
I can’t stop crying…im so fucking alone and depressed, jus want to disapear…i keep begging for whatever higher power is listening to take my life from me, i don’t want it any more, still no answer, should i jus stop being a ***** and take matters into my own hands?
I’m living a lie now. I’ve pretended to be happy for so long to please the people i thought cared but they don’t, not anymore. All i think about is sadness, loneliness, death and how i can next try it. I just don’t want to be here anymore and I have no one to talk to about it. My foster parents think I’m fine because of how much I’ve lied about it, my boyfriend says I’m tiring him out with all my emotions, my sister is too young to know this stuff, i have no friends left and the ones i do have stay so far away and barely […]
So I was really excited about finding this site yesterday while looking up ways to kill myself. Â I decided to tell my boyfriend, Josh, about the suicide project. Â I thought he would be happy that I finally found a place where I could go on a rant about my horrible life. Â But sadly, I was mistaken… Â He just got mad at me for being sad all of the time. Â I’m so sick and tired of him blaming all of my depression and disorders on me. Â I mean it’s not my fault that I’m bipolar and suicidal. Â Yeah, so what if I self harm? Â I have […]
I am so alone.
I think everyone hates me. Well, they do. They call me fat and ugly, exclude me from every conversation and whisper about me when they think I don’t hear. But I do hear. Every word. And every word hurts. I thought you were on my side. But the words sting more than ever now. I have no one to talk to. I trust one person in the entire world and he’s turned his back to me. I am so fucking alone.
I self harm, but because I have never had to get stitches or go to the hospital for anything I feel unworthy of that title. Like I am posing.
I constantly compare my scars and wounds with everyone else’s, I love seeing them and realise that I am quite obsessed with scars, burns, self harm in general. When I am close enough to see someone else’s arms or legs I can’t help but look at them, just in case they are like me… And when they are, I feel so inadequate.
I want to do more and more and more, because they make me beautiful, I believe […]
Wake up.
Breathe in.
Exhale.
Begin.
Is this how you choose to end?
I found this site and I decided to post a bit of poetry that I wrote a few weeks ago. Â I guess the best way to sum up my story is, well…
My parents divorced, I was bullied, became suicidal, nearly thought myself to death, turned to  religion for my survival, got out of religion, and found myself amongst the remains.
Today I mainly try to keep my friends alive while I sit and wait for a chance to actually do something. Luckily enough none of the people I know have committed suicide, and I guess […]
no matter how hard non suicidal people try to understand what’s wrong they never get it . they never understand our problems or what to say to them.
But really? How the hell is it I make it through another day? Body, mind and whatever spark of life inside me hurts. I saw an earlier post that described my feelings quite accurately. ” I just feel like shit” so what is keeping me here among the rest of the masses? I’m thinking it is more suicidal to trudge day in and day out than to end it. I know most of you here feel the pain of life, what the hell are we doing? I have never wanted to turn back the clock and change my life. Been in some […]
I’m not here.
Just a shadow,
A spectre.
Cold.
Void.
Crushed.
Why do I keep,
and keep,
and keep feeling this?
I want to go.
I want to leave.
I want to vanish.
Where?
Where is this place that would welcome my presence?
Where is this place that people would be glad having me around?
Where will I go?
I want to go.
I want to leave.
I want to vanish.
Just vanish.
Vanish.
Poof!
Sometimes I think there are only three things keeping me on this Earth:
1. The money that my parents have paid into my college education (and the guilt I would feel knowing that I cost them $20,000 of their retirement just for me to dip out of this world right after they’d paid it).
2. My own personal fear of the actual deed of taking my life.
3. The fear of something worse than life for those of us who choose not to stick it out. There’s got to be something worse than this, right?
I’m graduating from college in May. Next month. May 18th at 2:30 P.M., to […]
I fake my smile, day by day,
I want to stop feeling this way,
I want to stop sitting in silence, trembling and shaking.
I want the beat in my heart to stop the aching.
I breath in deeper than deep,
All I want to do is weep and weep.
My strong shield is cracking and breaking.
I have to quit, and stop my faking.
It’s so painful and hard to stay strong.
I just want to be happy, its been so long.
I’ve lost all hope in this thing called life,
Now all I’m depending on is this half blunt knife.
That’s where it started. In subway(the sandwich place), or maybe on the car ride over. But I started to feel this pulling sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I began to shake…my face burned and guts screamed, I felt like I was being sucked into myself with weight, collapsing. I was with someone. Idk if he noticed or not. I had to escape and breathe or think but everything was heavy. I took two bites total. It was too heavy.
He told me about a tragedy where he was working on Friday. One of the ugly accidents of death, the ones that […]
Death is all that’s on my mind.
I think a lot of people judge a persons story on age – and I can absolutely see why.
I’m 16, and have been depressed like most, and taken it out on myself, I think before I knew what ‘self harm’ was. Not really bad. But as soon as my life started getting stressful, and more I ever thought I’d have to deal with (my parents split up at 13) just scratching at my arm or leg was a nice pain, and  a genuine distraction. What I’m trying to say from this is that young people these days cut because they think that’s what you need to do when […]
I think I’m done. I just can’t do this. I’m not sure yet, but I think I’m going to try and kill myself again. Last time I failed but this time I’ll be sure to end it. I still want to see how a few things go down, but I’m pretty much sure. Not much else can go wrong and it’d take a miracal to make me happy. Everyone thinks I’m this strong person who can’t be touched by earthly problems. But I’m not. I’m just a girl who is so fucked up that it’s hard to comprehend. I already know what I’m going to […]
No matter how hard i try, no matter how hard i do to impress others, i failed. I push people away because i think it’s easier that way. But when i do, and realize that i need them in my life, and that their not here with me anymore right by my side, i break down. I’m an asshole. I act and put a smile on my face everyday to show the world that i’m fine. That i am happy. But i’m not. I just need someone to be there for me when i need them. To give me a hug and tell me that […]
Uh, I am so discusted with myself! I just starved myself for two weeks and as soon as I got home from school today I binged on everything in sight. I know limiting your diet is bad, but I do not know…I just feel completely out of control if I don’t. And to make things worse I cut myself again right after. Then my mom got home and started to yell at me all over again. This morning she was mad at me too and told me to “go ahead and do it just make sure it is done right… so you don’t end up […]