“But though you’re still with me, I’ve been alone all along.”

I’m a TI.  That means I was chosen for torture by telepathic militant congress for experimentation and torture.  There was gang stalking long ago, as well.  I made some posts in another forum, and I thought I might copy and paste them over to this site.

February 2013

So it’s been 7 long years of EHOS for this target, and the only thing left within my capacity to do is end my life along with the perps’ fixation on me.  There is nothing I can achieve that myself before EH manipulations would want.  Not even slightly.

I walked with a duffel bag back and forth over a few […]

So I am weak
so I’m not strong!
so I can’t find,
a way to get along.
So I’m not fine
So I fake my smile!
So I’m not alright.
haven’t been for a while.
So i’m not the best.
So i’m not that good.
So i’m depressed.
So I’ll die like I should.
So I cut and bleed
So I don’t wanna breathe
So, I’m just me…
So…So what…

You tied my noose
and you loaded my gun
you bought me pills
and you pushed me off.
you lit the flame.
re-routed the train
pushed me off the bridge
you did all you did.
You […]

I am sure that I am ready to kill myself. It will be over before you know it. I’m giving myself a week. I am done. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of breathing. I’m tired of being. I’m tired of living. Most of all, I’m tired of being tired. This world doesn’t need me anymore. I JUST WANT TO DIE. I can’t cry anymore. They’ve ruined me. That is it.

Im happy for my mom its her birthday even though i been faking all day at least she is happy and doesnt wan to kill me today and she  seem to forget my mistake today and treating like her daughter and not as a stranger 🙂

In her tiny self-portrait, she is (also) posing in a garbage dump.

I’ve never been one to reach out to others for help — especially not the online public — but f**k it, I’ve run out of options.

I am 33 years old and have struggled with suppressing the urge to kill myself all day every day since I was around 9 years old. I exercise every day, eat healthy, stay constantly active with work and recreational activities, volunteer my time whenever possible, have gone to therapy for years, and tried every SSRI and benzodiazepine on the market. No matter what, I cannot shake the idea that life itself is just an excess of time and effort with little to no […]

Why do things have to be complicated?

They tell us that they’re just challenges we should face.

But when? When does it all end? Does it even end?

Are we all fighting right now? Or am I the only one who thinks this way?

Is someone else bleeding? Are we all bleeding? I don’t understand,

Why? Why is life so complicated? One day you’re happy then the next day your whole life is falling apart.

Are all of us going through this or have you felt this way?

Yes we have different problems but we all suffer.

How do they tolerate the pain? How do they smile even there’s rain?

When raindrops fall my […]

The only heaven there is, is the one you get to experience for a limited amount of time in life, it usually involves someone else in your life, and the whole time you are in this heaven, experiencing the awesomeness of togetherness and nothing in the world matters but you and the other person. During that time you are creating the hell for yourself, because when that heaven is over and that person is gone, all is lost. There is no going back and the memories of laughter freedom and the truest of friendships will forever bring you the most pain and sadness lonesomeness one […]

I am on here all the time. Almost every day. I am becoming consumed by this feeling again. I had been happy last week. Confident for the first time for a whole week in years. But depression is forcing its way back into my heart. I try and shut the door in his face, but he is so strong. My whole self is tight because of this battle. I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. Tears are always in my eyes. My therapist says to try to just shut the door and try to not let it get inside my heart. But […]

pls am begging for your help i want to ride a taxi so with it i will help my family and society.i have no one to help me out.pls am begging you all to pls help me out.

Last year was brutal for me. In a mere matter of months I found out my wife was having an afair. At first she said it was wrong, that she loved me, and that we would work things out. But she wouldn’t/couldn’t stop seeing him, and now wants a divorce and has left me and our kids to be with this guy. My kids hate me because they are angry and mom isn’t here to take it out on, so I get all the venom. They have said they hate me and wish I was dead. About the same time all this began to unfold, […]

recovery from depression has not been so much a return to health, as a learning process about dealing with my symptoms.

i find myself feeling very suicidal at times and overwhelmed with thoughts about suicidal planning. i have a lot of fantasy about cutting myself, and sometimes although i am working hard in my occupation, it feels like a part of my mind is very active in producing images about cutting myself deeply. i dont think these sorts of symptoms are ever going to go away. they are just going to always be here. i have wanted to lie down and die for as long as […]

So, I have a bff (she is a girl) who has been in love with a guy for almost 4 years, but she is too shy and insecure to even go talk to him, and he is very snob and arrogant, so she is afraid of rejection, anyways, this guy has a friend called G.  And last year Idk but I felt a connection with G. He is A VERY VERY SWEET guy, and he is very shy too. I tried to approach him many times, and he was always very nice and kind. He used to spend his free time with his friends, and […]

Everyone needs someone at some point or the other. Who will make sure they are okay. That they are not falling apart. Someone who can hear all the heart has to say. Not to give solutions, but only to hear, to feel what’s going on inside you.

I have waited for long. And so many times I heard voices. Shadows looming up. Hope starts knocking. Yet I have accepted being empty handed. Empty then, empty now.

Sometimes, work absorbs me. Or else, I try to forget myself in others’ lives. Anything, but to feed that hope. It is a mirage. I know. But I too have […]

i guess….I guess You’ll leave too…well duh! they always do…but if your gone, so am I…

have fun “finding yourself” i guess, have fun never talking or seeing me again.

bye william. have fun with your life.

Its so bad, I cant take this all anymore.  Its not temporary for me.  I have been planning it for months now.  I want my suicide to be painless because Im such a damn wuss.  I was arrested for putting my arm around my daughters shoulders while watching tv and my hand brushed against her breast.  They are calling that molestation. I have never touched her ever in a way inappropriate.  I even made it a point to send their mom to the bathroom if the kids needed anything.  I bonded out of jail while I am waiting on my trial.  Only one person believes […]

People are so friggin aggravating.  UGH.

It’s easy for me to give it and think that the world works against me. I’ve had 19 years of suffering in silence, . Day after day of constant disappointment, negative feedback, anxiety, confusion, and isolation. These things have all contributed to my unhealthy belief system still deeply ingrained in my mind. 

No I’m not retarted, in fact, over the years I’ve realized I’m quite intelligent. I just feel the world a whole lot more intensely, so much that it hurts, feelings are so strong that they’re harder to change, imagine being x10 times more sensitive to everything that goes on. I easily absorb peoples energy, My […]