I accidentally slept for hours when I got home today and I didn’t wake up refreshed, I just woke up feeling numbly sad. Everything’s too quiet and this silence is too loud and I have no idea how to make it go away. My words aren’t working like they usually do and I can barely string a sentence together. It’s just that right now I’m too caught up in my loneliness and self loathing to think straight and I am scared and I want everything to end, so I’m just babbling on here until it maybe starts to go away. In Religious Studies today, my […]
I just want to go back to the start of it all I want to stop myself from being born I feel I have no life line no soul…..Im just existing not living No one can full comprehend this at all……I was totally not meant to be born I feel it in me…I have the worst timing in the world…and my anger,rage and sadness is getting worst. I know soon I will do it. this is how I feel ……
http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=OqKWxAmOLaM
YAY!! Again I was fooled by the empty promise which is…. actually scrap that, I won’t be dramatic about this, I will be plain and simple. And tell things just the way they happened. Just after that vicous attack on my mom, FINALLY! SAFETY! I thought, we were moving into the our new house on friday, without dad! WOOO! well that was until the other family started to get involved, moms parents didn’t give to hoots about what the hell she did, never did never will, UNTIL! she says shes moving to get SAFETY! SAFETY are you following? Then and only then do they decide […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlMkJLojg60
I feel no different from a dead person. Even though much of the things that happn to me are normal, my brain is not. I’m getting tired of trying to fight. That’s the least I could do for the people who care about me. Like today, I just feel empty and flat. I do normal things and react to situations like any other regular person would. But everythings feels so distant from me. It’s like I’m living but not feeling. It’s like I’m here but I’m not really here. Just like a dead person.
How long can I stay like this? If I die now, will […]
I feel no one or nothing has ever given me the opportunity at life or love or friendships or to even have a family I just never had a chance ever,by no one or nothing.. I feel the only thing I can control is my own death…..and this will happen and I will die…no matter how many times I get it wrong I WILL GET IT RIGHT EVENTUALLY.
Realising that anybody could be lambert right now.
On my way to his funeral i met dupe. A girl which he introduc’d to me during our fresh man year. It ended with a bad note. RIP LAMBIE
I wonder how death feels like. I wonder how death tastes like. Would it be as sweet as they say?
I wonder how it feels when my ears can no longer hear the sound of my heart beat, my eyes no longer searching for light. I wonder how it feels to not have all the bitter memories playing in my head on constant replay and replay and … It will all STOP!!! Me and everything that makes me who I am will just stop. The morning after I’ve stopped to exist would be just like any other morning that came before that.
we are shaking
and shaking so hard
but dont loose the grip
its all we’ve got
they cant see the pain
we feel in our heart
its like heartache
and making us falling apart
but we won’t give up
we will be stronger now
we will fight together
till we see the light through the clouds
we all gave up
when it was so hard
but its time to show them
who we are
we were not weak
we still arent
it was just the […]
i dont know how can i love you
when im broken from inside
i dont know how can i show you love
when i never showed it wiseÂ
i dont know how can i feel your love
and call you mine
i dont know how can i give you all my love
when im so afraid to have you in my life
yes i remember the first time i was in love
i remember all those feeling with a significant touch
but i bleed and bleed so hard
why did you leave […]
yes we are not broken bur the fucking people around us are broken who keep judging us
please stop the fuck you are no worth it
just go somewhere and think of how much it hurts us how much it hurts when you all say you can understand but none of you can give the shit about us
you are suckers you are fuckers
we are better than you all
you say you can understand ah fuck you because you cannot so dont give a shit about what you cannot
don’t think you are so wise when you don;t even know the single drop of pain
I’m Pathetic.
To Care So Much For Someone That I Went Suicidal.
I’m A Attention Whore For Telling People How Hurt I Am Or That I Hurt Myself.
I’m Scared Of What I Might Become…
The Only Person The Kept Me Stable Told Me The Truth.
That I Already Knew…
It Hurt To Hear It From That One Person Though…
Everyone Leaves You…
And Sometimes You End Up Just Wanting To Be Your Own Friend; I Am My Own Friend.
Its Hurts To Hear Her Say Everything.
Cause Shes The Same Way…
And That Night I Almost Went Suicidal…
I Had The Pills On The […]
You ended the silence in my heart, and mind,
I saw love, when I thought I was all but blind,
You are why I stay, you mean so much to me,
I hold onto you, and you do to me, I can see,
You suffer when you shouldn’t, so I feel pain,
You don’t deserve it, but your strength wanes…
Without you, life is hard, and I feel weak,
But I stay, to see you, and hear you speak,
“I love you”, you will say, and I will too,
As I will wait forever, to just say that to you,
You are my strength, and my […]
I am a over thinker
Usually at night all of my problems run to my head and hit me like a freight train
I can’t do anything about it because everyone is asleep
I can’t cry because they will hear me
I can’t scream either
Literally all I can do is lay there all numb bottling up my thoughts
Later it leads to me over thinking things that arn’t even true
That my mind is just making up
And I’m believing it
I start to get fusturated, mad, sad, wanting to hurt someone
But instead I hurt myself
I grab the sharp edge and […]
Do me a favor. Right now, wherever you are, get up, look in a mirror, a window reflection, even a spoon would work! Just take a look at yourself. I don’t care if you’re about to drop from the rope, ready to fall asleep after you downed hundreds of whatever pill, or if you’re just sitting in bed silently killing yourself. Get up, look at yourself and smile. Ask yourself, do you remember them? Do you remember happy? Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes, I look at the stranger staring back at me and say “How do you know me?”
Tonight, I didn’t know the stranger. But the stranger […]
So, I haven’t been on here for a few months actually, I thought my life turned around, at first my life seemed worthwhile, but…. I’m back. and honestly, this time I have no idea why. I shouldn’t be as sad as I am right now, I’m graduating highschool in a few months, I have to get a grad dress and a date. I have to decide what I want to be career-wise, but before that, college/university.. I should be ecstatic about all this happening right now.
but I’m not. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t have an answer for you. Once again, I just feel […]
I didn’t always live in a nightmare. I didn’t always have conversations with the voice in my head. I wasn’t always watched by disembodied shadows. I didn’t always hear tortured screams and maniacal laughter or my name in empty rooms. I used to be “happyâ€. “Happy†is an illusion created to hide all the pain, madness and fear. It was never real. But I used to experience that bliss, “Ignorance is bliss,†they say. That bliss is gone. I used to smile and laugh all the time. I used to think, or be thoughtful. Before the clouds, and locks. Before the black fog that covers […]
The light went out,
This path went dark.
I don’t know where I stand.
“Is there a chance, a fragment of light, at the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight….or are we ashes and wine??” Ashes and Wine, A fine Frenzy.
Why try anymore??
For years I’ve been afraid of fear. My main phobia is hands. How does an artist come to be so terrified of what she needs to use to create? And im not talking like an “ew, they’re creepy” fear, I mean full blown body shakes, nightmares, parinoia, the works.
and that’s only one of the endless list that i dont want to live.
There’s also heartache after constant heartbreak, the last one also the worst one, i just cant seem to recover from. Mainly because of the loss of my very first child.
There’s also having to choose between my parents, who divorced when […]
so when I was 9 I started getting bullied really badly I eventually only had two friends and that was that, all I had on my schedule was crying, being bullied, and crying. then when I was 10 i thought things were getting better but they just4 got worse, my grandma started dying and I loved her dearly. and i missed a few days of school cause i was at the hospital with her. people started to leave me alone a bit and I even started to get more friends. but that didn’t last long. in 5th grade this girl came to my school […]