I have nothing left, and I’m too damned old to start over. Getting to this point was painful enough, and I’m not going to put myself through it again. My username says it all. Continuing is exhausting and often painful, and I just don’t have the strength any more. I’ve lost all credibility at work, and with some reason. My skills have deteriorated and my memory is so bad that my knowledge is usually inaccessible. At home my wife has stopped all sexual activity, disapproves of nearly everything I do, and it certainly seems to me that I am only an income and an unreliable […]
Every damn year I have to endure this. It will be my 27th Valentine’s Day alone in 2 days… I don’t even know why I let myself get to this point when there is obviously zero hope and I never had any chance. I should have been preemptive and thrown myself off a bridge 5 years ago and then I would have saved myself from about 1825 days of emptiness and agony. I have been alone every single miserable day of my life. Telling myself that this is just another hallmark holiday doesn’t really work anymore, every year it is a brutal reminder of all my […]
Are you okay with this part?
Are you okay with my heart?
Are you okay with the scars?
The once perfect ghost studded with stars
Open skies ripped the night apart
So if I kissed you on the cheek
Would you push me into you?
If I held you close to me
Would you push me to choose?
I don’t wanna mess this up
If this exists at all
I don’t want to move too fast
But I don’t want to be alone
So if I tried would they talk?
Would you break me?
Don’t you wanna break me?
They all wanted to hurt me
Steal what I […]
Trapped in the home of people who refuse to understand, who think my depression is hiding something, who think I’m lazy rather than my depression is debilitating.
I could take every type of med, go to every type of therapy, I could have sunshine coming out every orifice. It would make no difference.
Why? Because my problem isn’t me, its my mother. My mother is a cold, venomous, uncaring nag. She does not believe that depression is a mental illness, but instead views it as a weakness of the mind. She has mild dysthymia at worst and thinks she is the authority on depression. I doubt she has experienced a […]
My hate for you runs deep
but it wasn’t always this way
You made me smile, laugh and forget about the crap that goes on around me,
but now you are merely a contributor to my pain.
I’ve learned to accept you for you and I’ve always looked beyond your appearance
but you would never give a second thought about how I feel.
This is my moment to be selfish, my moment to drown in my self pity
because all this time I have tried to make things better for you. My friend.
I hate that you use me as the butt of your jokes to gain laughs from people who will never […]
I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I had a dream about Trevor. It was wonderful. It seemed real. I could smell his cologne, hear his voice. Anyway, it was beautiful. I’m leaving my trumpet in the band room again so I can see him again. Maybe I can eventually get his number… 😀 God, I hope so. I used to be too scared to talk to him, but not anymore. I love talking to him. He’s awesome. Seriously. Anyways, I just hope that I can at least become good friends with him. That would be great. Then maybe I can start to build […]
we have to much destruction and crime on the streets
welcome to america the land of the free
but what if that fact is the fact of what has you beat?
you have no where to go and nothing you need
the laws the law is what they always said
but what use is it to you when your already dead?
no sense in living a life that you cant already live
abuse and neglect that is all that can give
moma says she loves you, shes just fucked in the head
no sense running to daddy, cause daddy already left
out the front door […]
I can hardly get myself to write right now I feel so bad about myself right now. I wanted to do an activity today but what’s the point I feel like such a loser anyway I really miss doing things like dance,singing,etc. but I can’t I feel so frustrated when I fail I don’t know why but I do . I feel like I need to prove myself..
I don’t know why I wasted a whole night trying to write this
Conversations With Dr.Seussicide
I found this band by randomly typing their name into Google. This song is quite poignant.
Feb. 8th I tried to kill myself. I have never attempted anything like this before, but God knows I have been thinking about it for way too long. I was down stairs doing some practice cuts on my wrist, just to see how hard I needed to press and figure the whole mess out. The first cut was quite demeaning. I think one drop fell out, so I tried again in a new spot, harder this time. This time I got a good amount to come out. As I was getting ready to go even deeper and harder I dropped the razor blade and it […]
sometimes the bridge is to high, but you take the leap any way
I’m certain I’m not the only 24 year old out there with a depression issue but I’d like to try and figure this out. I am relativly successful. I recently got out of the military and started college and am going to try and get into the nursing program. I had a lot of issues when I was around 16/17 with depression. Then I got better then again when I was 19 and living alone. I joined the military shortly there after and was fine until the extreme amount of stress was too much to handle any more after 3.5 years. Now i am here […]
I got news that i’m going in for surgery thursday (a.k.a. valentine’s day) they say i’ll have 1-5 days of recovery then onto chemo therapy, please please please pray for me, i’m really scared.
Have you ever felt like your whole world was falling apart? Like everything you knew was coming crashing down upon you at full speed? Like everything that you once cared about and found security in was torn apart from you in the blink of an eye, and you were left there to somehow pick up the pieces? Have you ever felt like that? When the only thing in the world that you would have given your life for is suddenly gone with no real reason why? Torn from your life, while your heart is lying dead on the ground?
I have. I do right now. This […]
Waiting to see if Murphy will really come thru for me-if hes’ just lying again,
Ima try it for the 4th time…i hope itll work god i hope ….
I fear that this is the end of me. For so many years before we met I lived a life of misery. I hated myself, hated everything. I used to live day to day like a robot in a trance. I had a shitty childhood. From being abused, to being treated shitty, moving around a lot, sexually molested, and no matter how much effort I put into fixing my life something always had to happen to make it worse. Then I met you. Every girl I have ever met in my entire life had been a waste of my life. The used me, cheated on […]
I have been trying to get better and good stuff has even been happening to me but I just can’t help it. I think about my suicide constantly. How and when it will happen, the after effects, who will notice. I just think I was meant to commit suicide.
It has almost been a year since the person I loved call the police and said things that are not true. I have not seen my two girls. I don’t know where they live and can’t contact them. There isn’t a day that goes by where I hope that I wont wake up. I have my ring engraved with their names as hope. I’m so lost without them.
15 or 58, the pain is real. The only time I’m not alone is when I’m at work. I don’t like coming home. I loose myself when out walking and taking pictures.Reality is always waiting.
This Friday will most likely be my last day.
I don’t deserve to be here at all.
I’ve been bad since I was born and have spent my life trying to make up for all the bad things I have done, the people I have hurt.
I cannot do anything right.
I’ve had little thoughts here and there when I was younger, but now I am sure.
I would not wish this on anyone else. Not at all.
Is it possible to be this bad and yet, love?
I love you, my family, my soulmate, my friends.
But I am bad for this world.
It’s my birthday… I’m turning 15. I didn’t think my Birthday could get much worse from last year, but I guess I was wrong. I got into a screaming match with my Mom… I stayed at home all day, sleeping and crying. I cut again. I haven’t cut in months… I feel so alone. I need someone and I don’t have anyone. I seriously thought about taking my life again today. What is wrong with me? I’m just a worthless piece of trash… 🙁 I logged on to Facebook today and people I barely knew were wishing me happy birthday. I broke down crying because […]