I am 17 years of age.
Female to be exact
Life is really tough
I have tried oh so many times
To fit in this life
Suffocated is what i feel
and LOVE is what i need

I’ve lost the one I loved and it seems stupid but I’m empty and alone. If only he knew I had to.
I kept him away, I kept him safe.
But I need him.
This is scary and I’m doing it alone.
This is to much, soon it will be over.

My name is Kyla. I am 15 years old. I think I will start this with a timeline.

June 11, 1997- Born
I was born in Calgary, Alberta. That’s in Canada for those of you who don’t know.

The first two years of my life were spent in my grandfathers house, located in a quiet and respectable community, as my parents were poor and couldn’t support themselves.

I was raised in a neighborhood that was known for its criminals. We lived in a run down townhouse.  Our neighbors were drug addicts and whores. We even lived next to a crackhouse.
Police sirens were always wailing in the background, and it […]

Empty.Empty. This void that consumes me but wait shouldn’t I be happy and cloaked with this overwhelming love you’re giving me. But my EMPTINESS, loneliness take over me and these dark clouds hang over me…as I gasp for air…it’s no use. This monster inside me clutches at my lungs and slows my heart rate as the light dims….  I feel Cold. DEAD. No I am very much awake, although these hollow faded brown lifeless eyes stare back at you. I am not there to be aware or share in the laughter that seems to be laughing at me.  I am alone.

from reverse

I was getting better. Happier. Proud of myself for becoming strong. Hahaha.. Thats funny because a few hours later after we spoke i found myself carving your name in my skin. Why? Because i love you but you don’t care………

I know a girl. She always had two sides to her.

The Outside; She was pretty, happy, loving. She always put her friends first, did everything she could to help them, always had a smile and a hug set aside for anyone who needed it. She had hopes and dreams for a future, she had a loving boyfriend, who was dedicated to her. She always told the truth when it came to other people, even when she knew it would hurt. She always found the brighter side of everything. She had good grades, she had every talent, she was amazing.

The Inside: She hurt. She couldn’t cry, so she […]

I feel invisible anyway… So why can’t I just disappear? It’s not like anyone would notice. My therapist doesn’t help, the people who are considered “friends” don’t understand, my family doesn’t care… But when I’m reading things online, looking for some sort of help… Everything always says, “just keep hanging on, everything will get better, just wait one more day.” One more day for what? A miracle? Miracles only happen in movies, not in real life.

So many questions but I’m talking to myself, the random thoughts inside my head…

I apologize to whoever is reading this, it must be very dull.

Ive always been bullied for cry and i have held alot in for years and now i cry really easily. I cant keep it in. Im scared ill cry in front of someone. Ive always been strong for everybody and only one person has ever seen me really cry. I dont have anybody to be there when i cry. I say strong and have a fake smile on during but when i go in my room lock the dorr and put my headhones in i just loose i and cry for hours and then i cut to make it better. Music is my life but […]

since 3rd grade i’ve struggled with trichotillomania. for those who do not know, trichotillomania, often linked to anxiety disorders, is a hair pulling disorder. many people think it is just a habit -like my mother- but it is not. my father believes this issue of mine can be fixed by using punishment, he’s fed this idea to my mum and she’s tried it. of course it didn’t work. my doctor suggested prozac -my mums against any anti depressants- i want it so badly. i want it so that i can have my hair grow back nice and thick, i want it because a side effect […]

She has nothing left to say
Her beautiful wings torn away
Face streaked with tears
Screams falling on deaf ears
Worn from her daily days
Seeking new ways to escape the pain
Standing in the rain
Screaming at the sky
Thinking about all the ways she can die
She’ll have a smile on her face
Her words laced with lies
Slowly she’ll break off all ties
She wants nothing else to hold her to this world
Life seeping from her eyes
Laying on the ground
She’ll paint a picture with her blood
Telling a story of all the […]

Why does it hurt so badly when you breakup with someone you love? It seems like many people contemplate suicide after a breakup, but the reality is that breakups are a part of life and you just have to accept it and move on. Younger people especially, seem to be more affected by breakups. Though when you lose the love of your life, it really hurts and can be hard to move on.

I’m so old and haven’t really had a chance to live.

I was abused as a child by people I trusted. I was raped as a teen for walking alone. I married to young to a sadist who would drug and rape me.  He’d make videos and take pictures. But, since we are married,he owns me I guess. The police don’t care at all. He seldom left marks you could see.  I don’t remember conceiving two of my children.

So when I do leave,hoping for a better life I find that a year late everything is still shit and I just want to die.  It wold stop all the […]

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a young woman from work who committed suicide. She was 24, exceptionally talented, well-travelled, enthusiastic, professional and extremely insightful with a social conscience and maturity years beyond her age. Was this woman’s experience similar to mine? I am in my late twenties. When I was 21 I attempted suicide. To others, I had everything to live for. I was healthy and athletic, I’d been accepted into a highly competitive course at a prestigious university, and my family was loving and supportive. Those around me did not understand the course of my depression and anxiety, and despite my efforts to […]

I think I’m bipolar. One time I was sitting in bed and I was happy (like a 9) and my mom turned off my light and in less than a second I was in complete and total despair  (like a 2)… I’ll feel incredibly happy and excited and productive and then horribly depressed seconds later. Help. How can I know?

Today sucks, I didn’t want to do anything. I hated to be at therapy today. But when one of the therapists got me out of the group, I knew my mood would get worse because of the talk. My mom had called to therapy because she was worried about me. I told her yesterday that I didn’t want to live anymore. So one of the therapists wanted to talk to me about that. I really got angry when she wanted me to say: “I want to die.” She knew that I wanted to die, because my mom told that to her. She had also said […]

By Metric.

But that’s not the point.

The point is, I’m here to tell people that getting into a fight with your mom is NOT fun. When you and her boyfriend are in a ‘play-fight’ blend all day, and when he starts hitting you with a box. She yells at you to stop? Does that make any sense? He hits you, she yells at you to stop? Someone tell me if that’s wrong, or if it’s just me.

Yeah, so fighting with my mom made the start of my hiatus g haywire, so I’m just going to not go on any other site but this one. Because I […]

in 30 minutes my whole world will once again come crashing down and i’ll want to kills myself once again! seeing him just wants me to rip my heart out and give it to him… i feel like he already broke it so he might as well take it with him,, maybe ill just be in a horrible accident on the way to work and ill never have to face him again..

Hundreds of people a day, if not thousands, join this website wanting someone to hear their voice, to understand them, to be welcomed with open arms by people who have been in the same situations as them. This leads me to think, how many of the people who aren’t with us anymore are dead?

I am Ammoniacku and i am 21 and live in Eastern Europe.

I suffer from OCD and depression. In fact i have been anxious and depressed my whole life. You wanna know why? I am just bored beyond anything by people, in fact even writing this message bores me to death.

I find most people boring and they are turned off by my sarcasm and humour and in fact i think most humans are phony. In  fact, i declare myself the Holden Caulfield of eastern europe. I hate all social cliques, i am bored beyond my mind by the college i am doing, i have no skills […]

Why does this shit happened to me?

I cant get no answers?

I feel like shit?

I gave my all to someone, and for what to be hurt and now i want to kill myself?