So at school, it’s as bad as usual. The guys keep looking at me like I’m emo/goth. The girls are as judgemental and narrow-minded as usual. I don’t mind them. but oh my friggin gawd the grades. I’m far from being stupid, at least until it comes to math. The teachers only make it worse. I am only twelve but I am really stressed out. I was sick for like 3 days in school, and I have a project due on Mon. and I haven’t come close to finishing it. It must sound pretty pathetic that out of all things I’m complaning about my grades, […]

I fell in love with her and she left me idk y she did but then she gets mad when I try to be happy idk why I try to be with her I love her in all but I can’t take much more pain in my life

Been fighting for this boy for so long, now I’ve got him it feels so wrong.
Like its getting way to serious way to quick.
And I don’t even feel like I’m in a relationship, even though I am.
I felt like he was going to make my happy but now, I’ve lost that.
It’s an uncomfortable feeling and its getting bullshit.
I don’t know what to feel anymore.
One minute he’s the best thing ever and now he’s just a boy.
A clingy over protective boy.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
What’s wrong with me?
How can I be head over heals […]

First I’m Skinny ,

Then I’m Fat.

First  You’re  This

And Now Your that.

Second Im stupid,

After I’m Dead.

But  Did You See Me?

When I put this gun to my head?

Give me your dreams.

Give me your hopes.

All is forgotten

When I hang myself with this rope.

I’d dreamed of this day

For years and years.

You’ve held me back,

But brought my tears.

As many as this world’s hills,

I’ll take these pills.

Deep in my sorrow.

Deep in […]

Since most people here are around half my age (I’m 30), I thought I might share a little wisdom about living with a chronic mental illness, as I’m sure most of you do.

First off, two things (Please read both comments before leaping to conclusions; I’m not trying to patronize you):

You are probably well aware of this, but it bears being said: you are most likely not going to kill yourself. You are more likely than not going to live another 60 to 70 years, if not longer.

Secondly:

If you don’t die early due to suicide or other causes, you are going to have to live with […]

I really don’t know how to start this with out sounding too cliche, so excuse me for being awkward. It’s a small story. If you take anything from this story, take the lesson that you are wanted. If you quit now, there’s someone else who will be hurt. I’ve had this story bottled up inside me for a while now. Well a few months. It’s fairly recent.  Here it goes.

So for about 4 years I’ve been talking to this boy, Zach. We met online, and of course we ended up 3 states, 660 miles away from each other. We dated a few times, but distance […]

It just occurred to me that people will read these. And people will care. Well here’s a short story of a Suicide attempt I had. I’ve never shared it, But i have mention Jake in another story, and this will revolve around him a lot. But all the feelings are coming back, I can’t handle them. It’s time to share.

It started as an innocent day. I was simply going to my best friends house. I’m pretty sure she will be reading this, so let’s call her… Hope. It’s normal for me to just walk in and yell I’m home at her house. I was accepted […]

As protected as a human being to a mob
As important as a mob to a King
As weak  as a king to a god
As existent as a god to a non believer who doesnt believe in anything

Im in the eigth grade, and already so many things have made me lose hope for my life. I dont want to be here. Nobody wants me to be here. My friends dont even like me. My parents hate me, im so depressed, ive started doing drugs and smoking pot, now they hate me. Even though they smoke pot too. They hate having to deal with me. I know it. They wish they had a normal daughter. One that doesnt ask to go get checked if she has depression.  No kid of theirs should be on pills for depression.  Even though they are on pills […]

You know somethings not okay when you dont feel safe on SP

In an earlier post of mine, I mentioned my friend Phoenix. I said he has an extraordinary story to his life. Sadly, he isn’t here to share it. He told his story once, that was to me. Honestly, it sounded like a book. I remembered every detail, and thought there would be a sequel.

He’s not here, but his story stays with me. It needs to be heard, and it’s still going on today.

To start, Phoenix never really had a real family. When he was only 8 he felt suicidal. He felt he wasn’t needed. And his only release was art, and sadly, cutting. He was […]

The mistake that most people make when committing suicide is a total lack of planning and just acting on the spur of the moment. Under those circumstances it is no wonder that things do not go as expected. I am not telling you to not do it, but rather examine your desires to end it all and thoroughly research the method of dispatching yourself.  Don’t rush the process, you have your whole life ahead of you to decide when to end it all. 😉

You do not want to wake up in a hospital bed with half your head blown off.  If you think that you had problems […]

I will be deleting my account tonight. And I will no longer be posting here. Not that anyone really cares.

Leaving SP. For now? Or Forever? Havnt decided. But I’m fucking leaving.

Hi everyone, here is something that I wrote within the past week awhile contemplating my way out  and was going to post it on another site but then got thinking about the Suicide Project.  It is kind of lengthy.

Subject: Suicide thoughts; The Pros and Cons…according to me.   1/2/13

What circumstance(s) often lead to the act of suicide? Loss of a child? Financial problems? Marital problems? Dating problems? Depression and drug use among many other things. Old age coupled with loneliness and the every day pains that old age brings on.  Is suicide truly an act of hurting oneself? In my opinion it depends a lot […]

I am new to this site, and submitted two posts this evening (Europe), which were pending for at least 1 or 2 hours, and now I find them in the trash. Why were they not posted? I don’t get it. I find lots of other posts in the trash that don’t seem to violate any reasonable rules there might be. Can someone explain? Thanks.

I moved to a new city this month. New place, New school. New people… New Me…

I was pretty much forced to change my appearance and i was forced to hide my sexuality. I feel like a little doll made to please everyone, but  i don`t. That school is a living hell for me. So many people that i don`t like so many people that ignore me… i try talking and try to make friendships, but everyone ignores me. It`s a huge school and i get very nervous around crowds and it terrifies me, the only thing that keeps me from having a breakdown is my […]

My anxiety is slowly pushing me over an edge that I’m not ready to go over. See, for the past week my anxiety has been driving me absolutely insane. I’ve been sitting in my room, waiting for something that isn’t going to happen. Is it good or bad? I don’t know. I don’t know what it is or what I’m waiting on but last night it hit it’s peak. I felt like I had something to do. Something important. I kept pacing across my floor, hoping I’d know what it meant. Which, finally, subsided 4 hours latter. Maybe this is a way of telling myself to try and get better? Or […]

I’ve wanted to die for awhile but i’ve always been afraid of suicide. The thought of what i’d leave behind… I always worried about other people… what they would think, if they would blame themselves, and if I would in turn ruin their lives. I thought of it as selfish, but that didn’t stop the undying want i had to give up, to surrender.

But today, in the hour and a half i spent crying over all my problems and all my feelings, i decided im not afraid. I’m exhausted, worn out, tired… call it what you will but i’m just done… my sorrow has […]

Hi. My name’s Shelby. I’m only 14, and in a few months I’ll be 15, but it seems like life has nothing for me. Nothing I want at least. Things are changing. Things that mean the world to me. Things like my family and friends. In just the past few months, this is everything that’s happened:

My dad. Some people may or may not find it abuse. However, I find slapping and pushing around abuse. Not to mention the cruel things he does and the way he puts me down. My mom takes his side. All the time. “It’s because he’s been through a lot, Shelby. […]

My friends have a habit of making plans without me.