I’m 16 years old. I’ve been suffering from manic depression. I get bullied at school for being quiet. I get called ugly, a *****, whore and so much more. What did I do??? Nothing. I don’t have the guts to talk to someones face about how much I hate myself. Honestly, I’m pretty much that girl that no one knows until she commits suicide. Then, suddenly everyone had a class with me..it sucks. My dad is abusive and my mom and I are scared to death. Never knowing what he will do to us next. He emotionally abuses me and physically. I don’t have many […]

Tomorrow, my family are going away so I plan to kill myself then. I’m thinking about taking an overdose. I have no hope for any kind of future and I have no energy for one. I wake up in the late afternoon, I hate getting up and when I do, I just feel stuck with myself. I’m trapped in this pain and it’s never ending So now I think it’s time I just end it.

I’m fed up of living. It’s getting very boring now that I’m 14 and all the fun I had when I was 2 is gone.

Only music gets me going. I love music.

Its part of the reason why I’m still here and I’m grateful 😀

Every day its the same thing, like a movie over and over.

i can feel myself gaining weight
i can feel the escalating urges to self mutilate
i can feel the loss of sanity
of minor happiness
i feel the pain that shouldn’t exist
i’m weak
too weak to kill myself
but too weak to give no fucks and live
this aching is tearing at my wounds
these thoughts drowning me
i’m suffocating by the sorrow that surrounds me
alone i’m feeling all of this
yet, alone, i feel nothing

… because i’m worthless.

I WISH I HAD CONTROL!!

I never remember it.. Ever…

I WISH I HAD CONTROL…

I wish I hadn’t done it but I have..

I WANT CONTROL!!

I  know I shouldn’t.. That it’s bad….

I WANT CONTROL…

I don’t think I can stop.. Never…

I ‘M LOST AND LONELY!!

I’m all alone in this dark abyss..

I’M LOST AND LONELY…

My Escape,  for I have no other Wish…

When I do it, it’s sweet and painful..

The only pain left for me that I feel.

One of the few […]

Is it bad.. that i still fight for control.. after getting stiches twice from cutting “to deep” the first time i hit my tenton, about a year ago.. i couldnt even move my left hand .. i didnt say anything for 3 weeks.. and the cut was still open.. i was in an intesive outpaitent center and finally they convinced me to tell my dad shall the doctor and they kinda i guess glued/burned it shut.. worse exspirence ever. Not stiches but you get the point..
The second time was about a month ago.. with the box of razors my x gave me i sliced at […]

The months pass like days,

Yet the nights are filled with years.

Today I almost made an enormous cut on my hand. But don’t worry i just made a few short cuts but I was really angry and frustrated. I hate it when I’m forced to do something I don’t want to do or do right away.I also hate it when my parents don’t understand me and what I’m going through. They never listen!!! I wish they would listen to me more often and I bet they would understand but even if I ask them to listen to me for just one second they still don’t get what I’m saying ‘cus they still NEVER listen.

I wish I […]

I sit there, curious about the cut on her arm. She looks sad. Did she do it on purpose? My mommy is crying, she’s crying over Sophie’s body. Sophie did hurt herself.

“Mommy, what happened?” I ask.

My mommy just looks at me. She looks very, very sad. I think I didn’t ask the right thing. “Sophie hurt herself very bad.”

I am confused. Then I hear my big brother, my worst enemy, Joshua, come in. He looks at Sophie, who still hasn’t woken up, and this look of rage enters his face. He starts screaming bad things at me. “It’s your  fault!”

“Why where you even born!?”

“You waste […]

I hate my life so much everyday is just another day I am living and it’s the worst pain possible. My family doesn’t know they are all crazy, I have no friends and my boyfriend emotionally abuses me everyday why. Why me let me go.

I’m so sick of the lies
Sick of the trials
Numb to the pain
And cold to the fires
That burn
Whens it my turn
to feel okay…

I’m so broke
I’m so beat
I have scars on my knees
from falling to keep
everyone on their feet
and it burns so
whens it my turn to feel okay?

I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don’t belong
You’re the first to fight
You’re way too loud
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something’s wrong
Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away
I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You […]

“I hurt myself,

So I can feel

Alive.”

i once told that to my so called ‘mother’… She then left, forever.. And forever in this place I will lie cutting slightly in vain, hoping and praying she’ll remember my name.

This is my first ever post and will keep it brief. Basically i lost my job then my partner of 6 years left me and now the finances are stretched and i am more than likely going to loose my house and car. Its hard when your suddenly all alone like most of the people here are. I hope every day that something good will happen but it doesnt. I learnt a long time ago to only look after yourself as there are no guarantees when it comes to other people. The only thing that has made things a bit easier are my pet cats. […]

half poem half rant.

I asked for one night
Just one night where I could show you my pain
To explain myself, to apologize for the way I’ve been
But you wouldn’t give me that
Not that one single piece of reconciliation
You feel so high and mighty
On that pedestal you’ve placed yourself upon
With my best friends tongue down your throat
You said it yourself.
 I can’t be fixed.
So I’m done trying. I’m done caring. I’m done feeling. I’m done living.
Maybe ill fail once more, end up in a hospital bed somewhere with needles in my arm
But maybe for once in my life I won’t fuck something up and this time not wake […]

I am at a loss of words for the lost hope in this world. I’ve contemplated many times to end it all and be one with the earth again but even then, I just cannot pull the trigger. I bear the pain left behind but also bear the pain of still being here. That makes me so emotionally drained that I am so exhausted in this world, I don’t want to do anything else, even to end my existence. I’m told by my spouse that I’m just intentionally being an @-hole. If I could only prove one or the other but I cannot even do […]

i was in the sixth grade when i realized i was emotionally and physically depressed thats when i started to cut myself. i had no one but then i met a girl and we started to talk. we were all flirty with each other and then we started to date. we were doing great i completely stopped cutting myself but then one day i sat and watched her flirt with other guys while i was sitting right there. after i watched her do that i was so mad me and her got into a fight and we broke up. i was so saD mad and alone […]

Ok, this is gonna be long. It started back last march on the 17th I believe. It was a Friday and it was shaping up to be a good weekend, no homework, and I had to do nothing that day. Friends had come other to the neighborhood, and that gas station store out there was selling slushies. So me and my friend were walking back and I said that the day was perfect, then my friend said that we could make it better. Well I was a fool so I said sure and we walked to fields behind my house and… we got high, not […]