its like promises have an expiry date, because people dont keep them. i feel so low but i dont know why, every time i come to write about my feelings, or what made me feel like this, it proves to be i have very little if anything to say.
i want to keep my earphones in, and maby the world will melt away, and then someday i can find that happy feeling. and maby if i concentrate hard enough the things that are torturing me can leave me. and maby the hidden memories can also fade

I use to cut and recently I had a relapse but I didn’t realize I did till the next day when I woke up to find my thigh scratched up my husband said I started it after a fight we had but I don’t remember has this happened to any else ? Do you ever forget you cut or did self harm.

This illness is killing me.

I’m just crying on my be.

Ive tried all cures and treatments.

I did my research.

I’m trapped because there is no answer.

While every other fucking person is having fun.

God this hurts sooo much!!!!

And i cant even suicide.

I’m just fucking trapped and it hurts so much you have no idea…

I am alone. There is no place for me.
I have a Master. I believe he would be better off if he didn’t have me as a burden. Anyway, I don’t really have him. His real family has him. I am the one without family.

I am the one without anyone at all.

I don’t have a place to stay. I don’t have people who love me and will stay with me. My health is terrible. My whole life has been lonely and terrible.

I tried to have hope and be a good person. A nice person. I think the last nice thing I can […]

12/18/05, fell in love
05/07/06, got heart broke
09/10/07, tried again
09/18/07, admitted love for her
10/04/09, got a place
09/10/11, I married her
06/23/12, she slept with another man………..

I came home from work, she told me,I cried, left our house, all our stuff, she went to his,……..I begged….she dropped me like I was nothing. I lost my best friend.

07/24/12, lost my job

08/24/12, ran back to my home town
09/16/12, I rolled my car @ 1:53am got ejected broke my neck, severed my spinal cord
11/10/12, released from hospital

. Now I’m a c6 Asia a complete quad. I can’t feel below my nipples, no […]

to those of you that cut.. 

do you ever cry? if so.  when? like before, while, or after?!

I’d just like to know.

As hard as I tried to convince my dad that the woman I love so much isn’t some pedophile, he still wouldn’t believe me. He wouldn’t let me explain all of what I had to say. Here’s what my dad threatened to do. “If you send so much as one more message to her, I will send your psp, your phone, your mother’s laptop, your stepdad’s laptop, and my laptop into the police as evidence against that disgusting pedo so that the police will track their location down and arrest them. I am NOT F****** kidding, I will send you to juvy too if you […]

Alright, I know this is more of a suicidal story site, but I was thinking and I almost attempted suicide, so I guess it sorta counts.

When I was about 3, my mom and my dad were constantly fighting. My mom was sleeping with other men, after she was married to my dad, to try to get rid of him. She apparently hated my dad, and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. She was on several drugs, (and according to my grandmother so was my dad but before I was born) and she had all sorts of health problems, one night she even passed […]

they took a picture of me during lunch hour the other day. and by they i mean my ‘friends’. actually, i’m not even friends with the boy who took the picture. he just hangs out with my ‘friends’. anyway, he took a picture and showed the girl next to him. they started laughing. i figured it was a picture from facebook or something. then one of the girls asked ‘what?’. the girl who first saw the picture said ‘trust me. you don’t want to see it’. the boy sent the picture to that girl and then showed the other people around him. they were all […]

Hi guys, I’m new and I have a problem, I’ve done something really bad and I don’t know how long I can keep it a secret. I aell tally scared and I want to take the easy way out. I am afraid of being alone though, I am afraid even My closest fiends or family will hate me and I am so scared. Maybe tonight I’ll do it, or maybe tomorrow

I tried to kill myself on halloween, vodka and sleeping pills, the cowards way out right, i was rushed to the hospital then a psych ward. My outlook changed, my close brush with death maybe. its been a week since i lost my friend in a car accident, i heard about it 3 days after, im losing it, why did she deserve to die, i dont want to die but the voice in my head that left after halloween is back, i was going to spend my winter break with her now im going to be visting a funeral, i think its time to switch […]

Feeling sad and hopeless. Sooo anxious. Feel unappreciated and unloved.

I’m sick of all the looks and the secrets and the disapproval , I want a friend who knows me and can accept me, but no, there’s only stupid judgemental people, he’s fat he must eat like a pig, he corrected me he must think he’s fucking better than me.
I can’t do anything right, I try to help my brother and sister patch things up, end up getting him estranged entirely, I wish I was older so I could just leave and start again. Not that I could actually do that, I’d lose my anchors and then I’d end it.
Which may not be […]

As I watch my blood drip off my arm,
I start to feel pain and suddenly I’m calm.
The fact that I feel something brings joy to my face.
Though I know I don’t belong here in this dreadful place.
Swallow these pills and cut some more.
The questions circulate “why are you here for?”
All I get is judgment and pain.
For nothing but to cut closer to my vein.
Get a grip and don’t be a sook.
Scar your arm so people have a reason to look.

These thoughts of suicide are consuming me. So much in fact that last night i dreamt that i had ODed (but didnt die) and i went to a hospital and my friend was there and she asked “Why would you do this?” or something along the lines of that and i replied “School.” (because the pressures of school are whats making me depressed and suicidal) The scary part is that i didnt regret it one bit. I woke up feeling happy because of what i had done in the dream, then i was disappointed when i realized that it was only a dream.  I constantly […]

Cant control the way life works because every minute its changing, the way violence is taking over, depression and being unwanted is taking our teens and young childern, when we are the future. The way our emotions change due to the mind why cant the mind warn us why the heart stays getting hurt.
Everybody is changing for the worst with out noticing and with out wanting to its our nature. But tell me this are we that destroyed to fix whats broken and messed up in the world.

Before i do something stupid i just need to get this off my chest……..i dont know why but all through out middle school i was ”the boy who cried wolf” i use to just cut for attention i dont really know exactly why i did that but it was just plain stupid& thanks to that i have seemed to lost the one person who truly understood my idiotic ways. It haunts my soul everyday to think i could do something so unbelievably stupid & i actually hurt my friend just cause i was a dumbass seeking for attention.Then again before you judge me i sometimes […]

Or is that just me?

I mean, in addition to the brain zaps, irregular momentary jolts of intense vertigo (feels kind of like my brain is running on gears and every so often the teeth slip and the world snaps to one side, like dizziness except instead of the world swimming, it shifts quickly and suddenly like the second hand on a watch), I also experience periods of intense emotional numbness, sometimes accompanied by intense aggression. This makes me sometimes find the suffering of other people amusing, though, being a highly logical person, I try to avoid causing other people undue stress, but I acknowledge that […]

stare at the paleness of it all. Your hand grasps the cold metal that will soon realease you from your sorrow. it will mask the pain of life.
just one slice and you can tell,no matter how many times you say it wont happen again…it will.
I look down and i think to myself, how did it come to this? I thibk back to their words, the hatred and meaness of it all. If only they had known the outcome of their actions. It’s not just a game anymore, now its serious. now it can cost a life.
Slice.
i watch as it […]

A thought from my world history teacher…

“You know that light that you see right before you die? Is that just a flash or is that like you’re coming out of a vagina into a new world?”

-_-               ….Wow….