actually derz no support from my home..!! no encouragement..!! no frndz ..!! no gf!! no height…!! my aim is to become an animator but parents never understood my intention towards it. n dey joined me in engineering.i really hate it.not able to concentrate on any subjects.i never go out.i don’t smoke, i don’t drink,my intention is to gain height. people around me tease me. so i remain in silence.i got alot of anger. i try to keep my anger in me. i m become big of sports but my parents never encourage me..!! so derz nothing for me..!! if i want go for gym, they […]

That’s all I do and all I want to do. It feels so good to sleep. It’s my only pleasure. But, I’m sleeping My life away. I’m in bed literally all day. Why be alivE if all I do is sleep.

Nothing makes sense anymore. My life feels like a blur. I can’t think straight. I’m 17 and pregnant, with no one to help me. I just want it all to end. The dad is “embarrassed” to be called a “daddy”. He isn’t the one who has to deal with people’s rumors, and bad talks people say behind my back. He doesn’t have to come to school where every one knows I’m pregnant. He doesn’t have to carry this baby for none months, and deal with the pain, and symptoms, he doesn’t have to go to non stop appointments. I am living in a night mare. […]

I’m in a horrile mood today. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself back to sleep. Listening to my sad depressing music because it fits my mood.. I need a sick day sink can stay home and sleep and cry and just be left alone and not have to worry about anyone or anything..

I hate to beg or plead but I need support right now..

how will i know they’ll miss me when i’m gone?

how do i know they’ll care when i’m not around anymore. not like i do much to contribute to their lives now. i don’t believe i’ll be missed at all when i’m gone despite the numerous people who label themselves at my friends, or me theres. i don’t care anymore.

i don’t want to do this anymore.

so what if i’m a semester away from graduating college. so what if i’ve got a 3.6 worthless gpa. so what if people think of me as ambitious. so what, so what, so what. i don’t care anymore. i’m a fuck […]

Time to wake up and put on my fake smile

Time to pretend like everything is okay

Maybe today somebody will see my smile falter

But if not it’s okay. I’m use to being overlooked.

The words of Job taunt me: ”What is my strength, that i should wait? And what is my end, that i should be patient?”

My life is not worth living, but Jesus, Yours is.
What is it in me that You see,
wouldn’t it be for the benefit of everyone when i would be gone?
Can’t You see all the wrong i have done?
My life is not my own, this i know,
You promised to wash me white as snow.
But the exact opposite is what i feel,
the enemy has gotten a hold of me.
To Jesus only i will bow down,
i will […]

My words fall on deaf ears everywhere I go. At home, at work, to my (former) girlfriend, everywhere. It was foolish for me to think it would be any different on a chatroom. Or even here.

I am truly in love with the man i let go. I let him go because i felt like i knew i just didnt love him anymore. Two years of bliss and i let it all go. We fought a lot. He was a marine, 6 states away from me. We had an apt together where he never really was able to enjoy. He was supposed to come home to me and we were to have a future together but i let it all go. He told me i would regret it and at the time i was sure to let him go.

Ive been battling […]

So i found the hand gun i knew the old man had. im not into guns cause i have morals against them so i dont work them well but i know it well enough to shoot. so i cocked the gun and couldnt figure out how to fix it without shooting it so i had to take it outside and shoot it. powerful little thing. crush my skull good! so ive been really thinking about using it to end my life soon. but i guess im scared to do it. i dont know why. i cant find anything worth staying alive for. being dead sounds […]

This may be an odd question.  Hell, even I think it’s odd.  You’ve been forewarned.

I have been (and I can only assume others have as well) on this do-I-really-want-to-die-or-not kick recently.  God that sounds pathetic.  I go through periods of ready, willing, and able, just deciding on a good time and place then back to I don’t want to hurt those I care about before once again planning.  I once went to a therapist.  She said she couldn’t help until I decided if I was willing to stay alive and actively participate.  Yet how does one decide that?  What thought processes does one go through in […]

You told me to give you my trust and that you’d help..You told me expressing expressing myself and talking about this summer would help..you said you wouldn’t tell.Ive spent the past two months pouring myself out and honestly all you’ve done is tear me apart..You told my parents everything..You told them I was crazy..They’ve tooken about everything..I swear Lindsey’s the only thing keeping me going right now…you take the credit for saving my life but she’s the one who was there for me when things were crashing!You are just another example of why I don’t trust your just like the rest….You burnt those letters I […]

I’m 17 years old and my mom is getting remarried for the 3rd time in 3 days. I hardly know the guy. He’s moving into our home and i’m  not thrilled. step parents always try and act like they’re your own parents and it’s bullshit. My dad is the only one who understands me. ONLY one.  He’s on drugs as always, who knows where.  I’ve had depression and wanted to kill myself ever since summer after 5th grade. I still don’t know what caused it. Probably just the manic depression,anxiety and bipolar that runs in both sides of my family finally kicked in my system. […]