The love of my life lives in Kansas….I live in North Carolina. We have been off and on for almost a year now. We got back together about 2 months ago then he broke up with me. I fell back into cutting and pills. He swore he didn’t like anyone else, it was just the distance. He asked out my best friend 2 days after he told me that. I want to fucking hate him so much….but I can’t. He doesn’t know I know. I promised him I wouldn’t cut or get high…..yet my arm is filled with new scars and my pill bottles are […]

My parents … (if you must call them that) are absolutely the worse. They’re the reason why I will never trust anyone, they’re the reason why I think everyone is out to get me, they’re the reason why I hate myself. They act as if I don’t exist. They ignore me on a daily basis. They tell everyone that I was a mistake, that i’m their constant reminder of failure. I try to pretend that everything they say is the opposite. But it never really works out. The man I am forced to call my dad, is constantly making me regret living. He’s the reason why […]

Just too tired now. I don’t want this life any more. So, what way is best so that I can leave my organs undamaged and able to be used for transplant? I’d at the very least like to make my so far pointless existence have some small meaning. Maybe that way it wouldn’t be such a selfish act, my family won’t be as disappointed in me as I think they will be. Does anyone know if there is a way? I know in 7 pounds he got stung by a jellyfish, but as that’s fiction I’m not sure it’s a trusty source!

Thanks in advance x

I’m so tired of being alive!!! I’m so glad of having a place to say this.

I wrote my suicide letter today. So sure that I’m ready to do it. I let out my loudest cry. I voiced it. Yet it went unheard. No one taking me seriously. Thinking it’s only for attention. I was embarrassed when I told them. Humiliating. Yet she stood there and said it’s my fault, and she thought it was only for attention. Left me in disgust. I like being unseen but when I ask for your help so that I can live happily I expect you to give a damn so I’m not suffering in freaking silence, going through each day asking myself what did […]

MY PAIN SURPASSES MY COPING RESOURCES….that nailed it!!!!

I have more pain than resources to cope with them!
I am working on that!!!
 Friday I saw a counsellor
 I expressed my need to come up with a “””game plan””” for my life
 She helped in connnecting me to a women’s organization who will help with resumes, job hunts, following leads, ( because to my muddled brain this is the crux of my depression, not to mention being off work with a shattered leg)
Please God, help me stay focused and able to hang on until I get to that appointment on Tuesday.
Everyone always says I am so strong but for heavens sake people,  it is a front […]

Since i moved to the Dominican Republic i feel as is am no longer in control of my emotions. Back home when i got angry or depress i would just go in my room and hurt myself . Here i cant do that, i don’t want them to see me this way.  My mom says by them seeing me like this it will make it much easier for me to get help, but that’s what i just don’t get.  I don’t know what i need help with, i don’t know if these feelings that i have are just depression or something else. I wish i understood how depression […]

Im not going to do my usually ten thousand words of deep shit. I just want to spill the facts. I’m a girl, I lost my first love, I can’t stop thinking about him, I have next to no friends, my parents hate me and say I’m a disappointment, I tried suicide and I do self harm.

I just want to enjoy life again.

I know the first step is getting over my ex. Im working on that, I’d love to cut him out of my life but I am forced to see him everyday so it will take a lot longer than most people. How the […]

Im 51 and tired of life. My life hasn’t been terribly traumatic although there have been a few things. It hasn’t been averagely successful either. Im shy, have no friends, not really interested in any b/c they’re rarely fulfilling or interesting to me or am I interesting to them. I’ve enjoyed things in life and those things have all gotten very old and tired. I’ve tried many new things along the way…

I am married to my best friend for 25 years and it is the same old boring tired situation. I have a child with disabilities I have given my all to for many years and im […]

I need to stop running away from all my problems. It’s not like they’ll disappear if I turn my eyes away. They’ll just keep building up and up until it not only affects me but everyone else in my life… But, that’s so much easier said than done.

I don’t talk to anyone anymore–what few “friends” I had, my family…no one. I’ll send the rare text from time to time to let them know I’m alive, but…if they try to start a conversation or call me I just ignore it. I don’t know how to face them anymore. I’m so disappointed with myself and what my […]

I want so badly to hurt myself right now. I want to tear at my skin first with my nails and then with a knife and I’ve never wanted it so  badly before. I both want to and don’t want to at the same time. I want to attack the soft completely soft and smooth and unmarked skin on the underside of my forearm because it will be a work of art and I long to see the angry raised red skin that will appear after a long nail session, then the red that will bleed when I get my razor out… I want it […]

I am ugly because my nose is to big, my face is round, so no matter how skinny I get, ill always look fat.

I am fat because I have a big build, I can’t change that so ill always be fat.

I am weird because I’m not like the other girls at school, I can’t hold a conversation and I don’t understand the jokes.

I am insane because I didn’t speak for weeks after he left, I sat in silence on the same wall when the few that cared tried to taunt words out of me.

I am fucked up because I cut myself, because I can’t go […]

I threw everything into the river, everything that represents him. A gift for valentines day he gave me, a bracelet, a love not, a comb he left at my place, only little things which I still had. They had to go. I went, I threw them one by one, banishing the memories that they were bound too. Then the last thing, the box.

I call it the box to those who actually care, that know about it. The box is about 20cm by 7cm by 5cm, small, brown, smells of worn perfume and nights out. Inside, 4 blood soaked tissues, a pair of scissors, a suicide […]

They tell me to kill myself. They say the world would be a happier place if I were dead. I agree with them completely. Why can’t I bring myself to fulfill what they say?

She finally zoned out.  Couldn’t see anything but stars.

A blank, dark and cold place.  All she wanted was a little space.

She couldn’t breath,couldn’t blink. Just wanted time to think.

Wishing she could turn the clock around and find out what brought her to the brink of destruction.

She saw his gun in his back pocket and wanted to grab it, while her friend in her head told her she can’t have it.

She left the room.  And ran up the stairs, but the voices followed her,as she felt her tears.

so the moment cam breaks up with me and changes his status i start getting emails and texts from guys that i just said ‘NO’ too, my excuse being that i had a boyfriend, they brought it and didnt bother me much… but now the school rugby team keeps calling up asking how much i charge? i get texts from guys ive only heard rumours about asking if id Do them, i dont even know how they got my number. They’ve all called me a slut for a year or so now…. they believed my lie that id consented and not been forced into it… […]

I’ve kept this facade of being happy in school for so long, so when I was telling my friend about this (she’s kind of my best friend), she asked me is this how I really am?
Like happy( that’s how I come across in school) and can make people laugh because of my randomness.
But I told her at home I’m not happy because everything is tense and well… NOT happy…
I wish I could tell her EVERYTHING…but I literally CAN’T, like I get this cold felling that spreads from my finger tips everywhere. And I can’t always rely on people to listen to […]

I’m tired of everything, I’m tired of putting a smile in front of everyone like if I was really happy, of pretending that I’m happy. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a failure and seeing the disappointment in my moms eyes, but she still smiles beacuse I’m her daugther, beacause I will never be as good a her, as my sister. That I don’t see a brilliant future for me, that I’m always going to be so insignificant, so worthless, and I wish I didn’t think about how them, about hou my family is going to feel if I died, and just think of myself.

So […]

I know I’ve been such a bad daughter. My mother is not perfect, my father neither. My mother can’t accept other ideas, and my father is too irresponsible. But, with all the bad things they do, I have no right to do this. Drugs, promiscuity, this is just wrong! My parents have done a lot of good things for me in my whole life, they’re really good persons (most of the time) and this is the worst way to pay them back. I’m so stupid. I hate myself so much.

I came across this picture of a widely known celebrity that is not only considered a sex symbol, but is also very well respected because of his talent. Who wouldn’t want to be him? Now, I bet you anything, that if he were to be one of your classmates today, he would most likely be a bullying target. Don’t you think? When you say you are reluctant to think your situation will ever change and that you’re ugly, please think of him:

http://www.chacha.com/gallery/2535/crazy-celebrity-yearbook-photos/21479