Sometimes I think I am invisible. People say they want a good friend, a friend that wants to protect them and that can be trustworthy…it suxs! I want to be that friend…I want to be a good friend to someone. But…no one will take it…it’s like every time I try I get shut out…I know I am annoying, can be mean, and not very good looking. But I mean come on? Is that really a reason I can’t be friends with someone. Do I really deserves to feel lonely?…I don’t want to feel like this anymore…I want to be noticed…I wan to stop being so […]

So ive tryed 3 times the past year, but failed, so i did my reswarch and found charcol in a closed room willl do the trick, so indsted of od then hangging which os my first plan.. ima live it up until Jan. then peach out. ive been planning january for over 6 months now, so have fun, live it up, make a plan and follow.

Does anyone else feel pathetic posting here? I do, every time I do.

Well, I’m past due. Way past my date of expiry. I have it set up that if I don’t reply to a text by the end of the day, the cops are going to come busting through my door. And the cops have done that already twice this year, it’d be too embarrassing if I were alive to greet them. Last time they came by, I had three of them stomping around in my room, snooping, while I stared at the traces of vomit that had dried up on the hardwood floor, hoping […]

Counting down the months.. now just shy of two months before my death… ive been planning all year.. sometime in January il be gone, its so nice to pick the day/month or even tme we choose to end our lives… well its almost here and i think it will be FUN to die… im accuallay looking forwrd to it, il post more the next few days

Im done caring what people think of me, I’m done pretending everything’s going  to be ok…. I’m done with being in a place where I’m not wanted, where I’m constantly judged for being the person I am…well I never asked to be here, I was never given the chance to be happy..so what reason do I have to stay………..all i do is get in the way.

so like, i’m going to kill myself this weekend.. i write suicide notes all the time, but now the only thing i have to say is goodbye. after dozens of pages, all i can say is goodbye. that sums it up really.

I think disappointment is the worst thing to hear… When my mom says she is disappointed in me and yells at me for the smallest mistakes it hurts. I feel like I can’t do anything right and the one person who I thought was on my side isn’t. I have a lot of good days, but today is a bad day. I know that this isn’t how a mother should treat her child but there is nothing I can do and there is no why out of this.

I’m nothing without you.
All my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you.

Did you see her arm

Did you hear her cry

Did you see how much weight she lost

Did you see how she is slowing dying

Did you know she hates her self

Did you understand why she killed her self

You r the bully

You r the people who push me to the edge

You r the ones who make me feel alone

When will you understand?

Do i need to end my life so you can see it

Do i not do enough already

Answer this: Who would you be knowing you were the reason for a suicide?

— had to get it out

On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero

Chuck Palahniuk/Tyler durden

Human mortality explained withouttaking into question of life after death. Everyone is going to die. But thats ok, I survive because I want to. there’s no logic in survival , it’s pointless. But who gives a fuck I’m going to live, get better and anyone who says different can tell it to someone who  gives a shit and that person is not me.

In 2002, I was in 8th grade, and that was the first time I started thinking about killing myself. It’s also when I started hurting myself. Things got a little better in high school, so I was just self mutilating day-to-day. Then as a senior in December of 2006 I ate a shit ton of aspirin, and ended up in the hospital after my first real suicide attempt. My favorite part was when I got home and my step mom asked me if I was ‘stupid or something’, because ‘everyone knows’ that aspirin is a blood thinner and actually makes you more jittery and awake, […]

My name is Nick mills. I am 18 going on 19 in march. For my whole life the only person who has cared about me is my father. My mother doesnt care, my siblings resent me, for no real reason, other than that i just don’t belong or have ruined their lives somehow by being birthed into this god forsaken world. Constitantly seeking approval, because no one has ever approved of anything i have done. I am currently on my 5th year of high school, alternative ed starting at the end of last year at Lincoln High School owosso michigan, (track me down and murder […]

Look at these definitions of depression on slango  so true but they dont say how to get out. We already know this stuff. Why doesnt it say how to get out? Or why we have depression?

‣ A state of altered perception where one sees the world as bleak and dark.  Feelings and actions such as purposelessness, disinterest, low self esteem, [self-harm], pessimism, suicidal thoughts or tendencies and a lack of motivation or energy may accompany it. It is not simply the feeling of being sad, but is a lasting state of mind that could be caused by a number of factors. Many health problems lead […]

Raining on Webs

I’m vulnerable, out without a jacket,

And it’s about to pour.

My heater, protection from the storm,

Won’t even look my way.

This web of hurt our love’s become

Is straining in the winds.

I don’t know what’s coming beyond the cloud layer.

Signed up unknowingly,

I report in early tomorrow

To throw myself off the edge

And fall along with the rain

Until I shatter and splash

Like a drop.

A celebration of eleven

Is all that keeps my sane,

Jacketed arms that I can cling to

When the downpour comes;

And another fragile heart,

I’ll protect when the burning sun returns.

My Perfect Poison

We cried and screamed together

But not a word was spoken.

Dancing in one ear and out the other,

Our conversation disappears from your mind.

But instead of floating away like nothing,

These words surround me,

Slicing and suffocating

Until all I know is the sound of my own despair.

It’s everywhere.

This memory of what we were

And could still be

Is haunting in its sadness

And its beauty.

First above the rest, but somehow always last.

And yet the heart in me

Clings to its own demise,

Those poisoned lips baiting me for another kiss.

And I accept,

Hurt and beaten by your love

And left too crippled to ever let you go.

Wow, who knew cutting could give you such a rush!! This is my first time cutting, with a pair of hair cutting scissors. All. Id di was scrape the sharp blad against my skin till little spots of blood came out. These were really shallow though, but i was in a bath so i dipped my arm in the water and i saw the little blood bubblz. Blood is so…mesmerizing. Even though afterwards i can feel dozn shallow cutes i made opening and closing, my heart iz bezting twice as fast and im oddly happy! Its not as hard, cause i cant help but excited […]

This is a sort of rant ramble of things, and also a call of advice.

I’ve never been too good with words. I always manage to say the wrong thing when I’m speaking face to face with someone, and I also get very emotional too even over things that don’t need to be. So in general hard to discuss topics for me are even harder, and I’m sure I’m not the only one on this board.

So now onto the general main topic.

I’m moving to California, I’m just leaving everything behind and moving, there’s no doubt in my mind about it. I have to go for myself. […]

About a month ago, I decided to drink with some friends. I ended up drinking more than I thought and the next thing I knew, I was at a park. I didn’t know how I got there or who was with me at the time, I was just out of it. I was scared. Confused. I had no clue what happened. While I was there, I was in and out of knowing my surroundings and what was happening. I remember my best friend right by me helping me out and trying to figure out what to do. I remember trying to call someone but ending […]

I’ve been clean for so long, I haven’t cut in over a year and it feels good. But the feelings won’t go away, they’ll never go away. At times I feel better, at times I feel so happy, and then it comes crashing down again. Thoughts, thinking, I know it’s a gift for us to be able to think unlike other beings, but I don’t want to be left alone with mine. They take me to dangerous places. Once they start, they never stop. It gets so out of hand, and I have thoughts of cutting again. Only sheer willpower stops me. This desire of […]