bored. Anybody wanna talk?
aim/yahoo messenger: artzygrl1919
c u t e c o p p e r  1 9 @ h o t m a i l  . c o m
I’m almost 22, but I feel old. People have said that I am an old soul, but I think that’s just because I’ve had too much alone time to think. I’ve been mistrustful of people since I was a kiddo, and since then I have become isolated and friendless. My two younger brothers are going through their own psychological trials and keep to themselves. My older sister was like a beast when we were little, and I can’t even bring myself to express how much I resent the ways she manipulated and hurt me. I hardly talk to her. My mom is emotionally distant, due […]
I decided, why  let my last cut go unmemorialized? I am going to stop… After tonight.
I’m just gonna quit.
I was feeling particularly bad today, after my sister yelling at me about how I can’t do anything right while I was washing dishes. When I told her to leave me alone and get out of the kitchen, she started yelling about how i’m psycho and need to shut up.
So, I cut a little heart on my palm. I decided to just turn it into a tattoo.. At first I though I should sterilize the needle… But considering I usually either cut with a needle or piece […]
So I guess it’s goodbye brother, goodbye rock and roll.
Guess it’s goodbye to the only life I know.
It’s a shame you couldn’t just say you were hurting,
I’ll see you on the other side of the curtain.
Everytime I listen to/sing to this song I feel like such a hypocrite because I never say when I’m hurting. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m ever going to change.
To my father, I am nothing more than a mistake: his polar opposite that he doesn’t want to exist. I represent everything that disappoints. His eyes divert whenever I’m around. His attention is short whenever I try to speak. His voice tears down every essence of my being.
Sorry Dad that I couldn’t be the person you could have been proud of as the many peers you compare me with. Sorry that my lack of ability to speak fluent embarrasses you. Sorry that I have insecurities that have ruined our lack of a relationship. Sorry that I’m not like every other normal person.
I’m sorry for just […]
I didnt get how everyone could hate me.. but i kinda know now.. im starting to hate myself for not being perfect… i think its my fault… well im a mean person.. i have anger issues.. i yell sometimes.. i point out the truth.. i lie sometimes… and so much more.. so i guess it is my fault noone likes me or cares bout me…….. well u know u shouldnt be alive if u hate urself right????? Idfk anymore.. im just dont with all this shiz and i cant take it..
I am not feeling like it right now. That nagging feeling of pain, that would just fly around my head, I would try to swat it and it would stay there, flying.
I am content with that, and willing to live, but every once in a while I feel this crushing feeling, this little voice in the back in my head, that no matter what, I will fail, my dreams, my aspirations will just fall flat on it’s face, that my 17 years of life have been futile, worthless, an utter waste of time.
That the education system was rigged for me to fail. But right now? […]
My first post was months ago. yet I’m still here.
I have it all ready behind me, the ******** tank, the turkey oven bag, the gas regulator. I’m long past saying good byes. All I can think of is how much I miss that one person, who I will never see again. I’ve pushed everyone away, drained away every bit of money I’ve had, every bit of hope I’ve had, and now all my mind does is draw a blank.
I have people who love me, my family, my friends, even strangers who I barely know reach out to me. And the sad part is how I […]
I have a long night to decide.
So two weeks ago I almost decided to go through with ending it all. I was in the tub, hot water and all. Instruments neatly set up on the side. Box cutter, scalpel, syringe, needles plenty of options to choose from. At that point I had used all of them to inflict harm upon my body knowing it would not result in my death but instead give me some relief from the hell of my life. Upon deciding which one to choose that would do the job right I remembered I never had the opportunity to use the syringe. It was sterilized considering I stole […]
I can’t help but repeatedly imagine slowly sawing my face off with a broken bathroom razor. I have felt so disgusting lately. Every time I look in the mirror I can see myself picking up a dull razor and pushing it into my disgusting face and hacking away at the mess.
When it rains it always brings feelings back to me. I like the rain, no matter how cold it is outside, no matter hot it is. It is dark now and my window is open I am listening to the rain and I am crying. My husband sits in his tv room and readying himself for work. I want to run outside in my underwear and t-shirt, lay on my back on the wet grass and just let the raindrops pelt off my face. But….the embarrassment would be too great for my husband to handle and he’d drag me in scolding me telling me I’m acting like […]
I’ve been lurking on this on this site for about a year now, and I find it sad that it’s taken me this long to really say anything. And now that I want to say something I have no idea what I even want to say anymore. Life just sucks? Stick to the cliche stuff I guess.
I don’t even know. This whole month has been horrible and I’m lonely tonight with no one on to talk to.
So never mind me. I probably don’t even make sense right now.
i dont fucking know anymore. and idont know why. idk why i get up in the morning. idk how i continue with this charade. i dont know how to continue pretending this life is worth living. idk if i will go throu with it but i shure as hell cannot continue. And i dont know if there is reason good for my suffering. Idk if there even needs to be. Idk if that even matters. Idk if any of it even matters. But if theres one thing i do know its that no one else knows either
So catch me if you can motherfuckers, […]
Im so pissed today.I had a great morning went out for my birthday with my therapist even though they gave me a gift card to buy clothes knowing if they gave me it for anything else i wouldve bought pills and probably taken them.What people dont get is im already going to do that and i can find my own way to get what i need cause im resourceful.But it gets worse
I go on a site to get free stuff and give away stuff and they took the item i was giving away down.Even though people were giving away the same item.Anyway not […]
I find myself at a place where my options are few/limited. I have traveled for the last year and I was a few steps ahead of pursuers (not gonna go into that).
So I am resigned to my fate. When the situation pressents itself I hope I have the time to get to my way out. I never wanted to go like that. Yet its all I have to do it instantly, hopefully it wont hurt.
Hi guys.
I’m new around here, and i’m liking it so far. I was trying to comment some posts, but all my comments are awaiting moderation.
u_u see ya.
-when a horse almost killed me
-getting my hand stuck in the toilet hole thing.
-getting licked in the face by some random person on the street when i was crying
-my mother finding cuts on my wrists while i was “sleeping”
-my dream of running with a chicken in my arms and throwing it in the air only for it to turn into a pokemon and fly away
-getting caught watching porn
– catching my brother watching porn
-watching porn..
– singing like a dying animal thinking i was alone outside. then finding out that there were guys from my highschool there outside.
-carrots
Sometimes, I just can’t believe what  has happened to me. I just can’t. Why? My life is absolute shit and embarrassing. I mean, when you’re depressed, you can talk to someone about it. Well, I can’t with my problem. It is absolutely embarrassing. Here is the one and only time I will talk about my problem.
I am currently in highschool, and I’ve been having halitosis for 4 years. Halitosis is a symptom where you’re paranoid about smelling bad. Worst is, I DO smell bad. AGH, that just hurt.. even saying it. Imagine, everyday, dreading to go to school, dreading to stand next to your crush, […]
I’ve been battling depression since I was 16, without even knowing what was wrong with me. I found out last year after everything fell to pieces. At 23 I had 2 cancer scares, the depression took over at that stage, I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore. Then I was on  a mixture of meds. At once stage my dosage was doubled as I was being bullied in work. They never left me on any one antidepressant for longer than a month. By Christmas I was a zombie, either I was just there or I was crying. I couldn’t control how I felt, I was […]