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i hate everything

by passionfruit3

Im so pissed today.I had a great morning went out for my birthday with my therapist even though they gave me a gift card to buy clothes knowing if they gave me it for anything else i wouldve bought pills and probably taken them.What people dont get is im already going to do that and i can find my own way to get what i need cause im resourceful.But it gets worse
I go on a site to get free stuff and give away stuff and they took the item i was giving away down.Even though people were giving away the same item.Anyway not the point.my dad has been doing this thing lately were he belittles how i feel by saying crap.Like when we watch a movie hes like see those peoples lives are much worse than mines.Or with the item he says i was wrong for filing a complaint.
Then lets talk about my mom.Misses popular. She gets about me about not going with her to the movies. Shes never asked to go to the movies with me cause she always has friends she wants to go with. Anyway shes always talking on the phone like shes a teenager. And the cars broke and yesterday she was driving it trying to find a doctors office for somebody. Its in the middle of the god damn night.We got a car that could cut off any moment and shes playing helper. And she belittles me to. Ive been trying to help around the house. ANd i asked my brother and sisters to help put groceries up and shes like thats okay they dont have to do.SO its just me and my fucking mom in the kitchen putting everything up so i tell my dad and he comes in and says there doing homework.Homework is not fooling around talking about the hulk and watching tv which is exactly what they were doing. I have therapy everyday of the week and with my main therapist we havent really talked much cause we keep going out for breakfast or for lunch.The therapist i do see i dont want to talk to her cause i dont feel like sharing my inner demons. Ive ignored calls from both my auntys. One who is my god mother but we rarely talk anymore cause her kids keep poping out babies and she keeps voluntering to watch everyone of them.But when shes got to visit she somehow manages to go see them. Are calls are short she says shell call me back and she rarely does and when she does want to talkits never for long.My other aunty i love her to death.Im afraid of losing her. And i ignore her calls cause like ive said before im not in my right mind and she on the other hand is this happy joyous person who always smiles and jokes.Shes leader of are support group which is weird cause i feel like less of a person her being in a position of leadership. I fucking hate the world.I fucking hate life.I cant wait till im dead. And if i wasnt going on this trip i wouldve attempted sooner. To bad my mom got rid of the box cutters and shes not giving me any money.Cause it means im going to have to steal a little cash from my family

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