I was engaged to the love of my life. She was everything I ever wanted. I promised to get her a $650 camera. I managed to save and had around $500+ by the time it was due. She took the money and left. I’ve been cutting all night. I hate myself

I just don’t understand the world. Why are there so many lonely people?? You’d think that with millions of people in the world, we’d all have someone. But somehow, we’re all alone. Hundreds of people sitting at home at night with their loneliness squeezing their insides, making them want to cry, or cut or scream or commit. I know I’m the only one I need. I know I’m the only one I have. But why do I still feel this loneliness choking me, welling up in my throat, making me want to cut to let out the frustration?? Therapists say, talk to someone, it will […]

Rumors spread like wildfire. My friend and I are in 8th grade and there are already rumors about being pregnant, giving blow-jobs, and having STD’S and aids. Have you ever felt a thousand eyes stare into your soul? As you walk down the school hallway, big round eyes staring and a hush whispers hurtful words into your ears. You just want to end your suffering, to part the world, rumors and past. You want to move on, but everyone reminds you of your regrets. No matter the gender, the populars go at you, like your nothing to their society. Everyday I look in the mirror […]

last night i took a knife, went up to a nice quiet spot on the hills, rolled a spliff and proceeded to not cut myself. i’ve still not. since i “broke” the other day i’ve been cutting a LOT. but last night… last night i said no. and i’m still saying no 🙂

fuck you SI!

I was never good enough.. I don’t know why I thought I would amount to anything. I’m so scared. I’m so lost. I’m done thinking I can change anything. I’m sorry to everyone here. I’m especially sorry to those who looked up to me. I thought I was doing so well… Where did I go wrong??? ***F–k***

FUCK IT THE NICE GIRL IS GONE IM SO DONE OF’VE BEING GOOD IM A BAD GIRL<3 FUCK EVERYONE IM DONE YOU’VE GUYS HAVE DROVEN ME TO SOMEONE WHO I NEVER WANTED TO BECOME BUT HERE I AM

My wish was never to hurt or upset or infect anyone with the feelings I can’t help having.

I am safe now. And you are all safe from me. It feels so good to slip back into the mask. Some solutions are so simple it feels like cheating.

believing the world will end not long after my death.

Reasonable or not?

Have you ever had someone you want to be happy for.But emotionally they just drain you.Thats how i feel.My friends pregnant.Her husbands a jerk. Shes to much of a child herself to be having a baby. And me im trying not to be the enemy and support her. But its emotionally draining cause we argue then she comes back looking for support and its just hard. I know i need to distance myself from this situation but i cant turn her down. Meanwhile im freaking depressed. Sure i havent hurt myself yet but it seems like im just avoiding the inevitable.Around this time my depression […]

i’m so tired for fighting for life trying to think it’ll be okay but it never will. since school as started all fo these things have happend:

I lost my bestfriend
I was moved to the sencond line in dacne (when in reality im a first line danceer!)
I’ve cried almost ever night adn then i only get 2 or 3 hours of sleep and after/during im crying i become sucidial
I feel like shit
I feel so ugly

i can’t even be happy for my little brothers birthday party tommorw hes turinging 1 adn guesse what im going to be doing the whole time having a smle on my face […]

OK
so i did it, i took my moms advice and moved to the Dominican republic. at first when i got here it was all so new to me. i mean i speak a bit of Spanish,but i would never say that i am fluent. the family that i have been living with are so nice to me, they make me feel so welcome and n part of the family. i mean back home i am loved and everything dont get me wrong, its just that the way i was brought up compared to the way things are run in this household is […]

I thought that, finally, we were starting to be a normal family, a happy family. I thought that two days ago. I was being really naive. My dad seemed to be more happy, more like he was when I was a child. But no. He usually leaves the house for days, but I thought those days were ended. Just because he seemed really happy. He left the house on thursday. First he go out and come back, then he leave saying something like “Be back at 3 am , but I didn’t understand what he said. Thanks, daddy.
It’s my fault too. He’s loveless, and my attitude  to him doesn’t help. I […]

you wouldnt know
becaause shes happy
or she looks like so
you wouldnt know
she looks like fun
its a mask
you wouldnt know
she has so many friends
she can only go to one for help
you wouldnt know
she doesnt have scars
oh yes she does but there hidden
you wouldnt know
she couldnt cry
she does all the time
you wouldnt know
because she is a fake
she looks like she has it all
but spend sometime
you will see
that this girl is crumbling
you will see
just wait and see
that this girl
is me.

i write out this poem
with a blade not a scribe
the ink keeps on flowing
for my next diatribe
i hate you, i hate you
you ridiculous ****
i wish to bid you adieu
so let me be blunt
you disgust me, you’re vile
and i can’t get away
you get me so riled
with all that you say
the thought of your death
it fills me with glee
drawing last breaths
i realise you’re me

Why won’t you let me help you?

My advice, its sound, but she won’t seek help.

The herald, he came, he gave me the sign

The profiles

The dossier

She thinks they all hate her but he tailed them for a while

They go home and they think of her, they look at a picture, they watch her Facebook, crying tears of worry, because they don’t want her gone

And nor does he, watch him, I see him every day, he will see her And I know what will run through his mind, but with that? Not sadness, but a determination that could surpass an Olympic runner, because all he can ever […]

Her face is puffy and red, while painful tears stream down her sad face.
She cries out loudly, hoping someone will hear her silent screams.
So many voices going through her head,
telling her how better she would feel if she were dead.
She places her shaking hands over her ears, trying not to listen.
She yells out once again for help, yet no one comes to her rescue.
She then remains sitting there on her cold bathroom floor, while the clock ticks by.
Her body begins to shake uncontrollably, unable to stop it all.
Starting to realize that no one cares, feeling so alone and helpless.
She finally comes to the decision that […]

my heart shatters and breaks, clatters and shakes,
i’m still not quite sure how much more i can take,
you leave me half-mad and weak, so bad i can’t speak,
i know i can’t deal with all the havoc you wreak
i’m left babbling and crying, dabbling and trying
to keep my head above water, i feel that i’m dying,
it’s not pleasant or grand, at present or planned,
but i’d give up my all for a hold of your hand.

If I told you who I was

Would I still be beautiful

Would I be everything you wanted me to be?

I don’t see much chance in anything changing

But I keep on trying in the end

Maybe it’s not really up to me

If I told you who I was

Who would that make me?

Who lets themselves give in?

I wish I knew the answers to my questions

If I told you who I was

What would you do?

Would you run away? Would you cower?

I think I’ve lost all my power… Over me

The pain to go in front of the mirror and see someone else staring back

The pain getting through school and being called a women for god knows how many fucking times

The pain when people make you feel like a women

The pain when the real you suffocates emotionally because no one will cope with seeing them or meeting them for once

The pain in those days were you feel severe dysphoria and no matter how much you fucking try to hide it it doesn’t hide enough

The pain when your parents expect you to look beautiful, and expect you to change because they don’t like you for you

The […]