I have been feeling really low for years I am a 5’11 African american 22 year old fat girl I intimidate people so I can understand why some people turn their faces up when I enter the room or when I do something embarrassing why they judge me with their eyes sometimes  I want to  take myself out of this world so as to not burden my family. My shameful trying face is my problem its fake to me That face of  mine that tries at life the me that is happy feel like all an act to work for an empty place that never exists and I’m starting to feel like even strangers can […]

lately they never wanna stop:'( i just wish they would:/

Every dream never given a voice,

Every love never given a chance,

Every hurt bottled deep inside,

Every joy pushed away in fear,

Every hope extinguished,

Every hate given light,

Every rejection,

Every loss.

Everything.

I drop it at your feet,

And ask that you use it

To be a light on other’s paths,

Let me ask not why I am tormented,

But let me be assured that it was for a reason….

I hope that my life, and my experiences, can help others.

I’m so f—— done! i just keep getting screwed over, i knew i shouldn’t have trusted her but i wanted my bestfriend friend back so much that i let done my wall that i had built up! Today at dance for my lyrical i got in the front line but off to the side! i’ve worked my butt off to get where i am now and i made a higher team than all of them so if anything i should be doing solos here and getting parnter parts and i should be in the center! not some newbie its just not fair plain! an in […]

you make me go crazy. i just smile and walk away, inside im really hurting more.

i don’t have a lot of scars but i try to give myself more. i love my parents but they want me to kill myself sometimes. Yes, i am not perfect , I AM NOT THE PERFECT 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER YOU WANT! sorry for that newsflash. You make me want to hurt myself sometimes but when i hear people talking about you both i go crazy. i let my anger out on them. I have anger issues, mild depression, sometimes panic attacks , heart conditions, a leg problem, bullies, and more but i keep all this inside and try to tell nobody. i cry for hours and days but still i make sure nobody notices.  It […]

I read your posts, but I don’t comment because I don’t want to cause you any drama.  I hope you’re happy and I’m glad we get to converse, even if only by gmail.

I haven’t been on here in such a long time and from reading my last post I can see that I was in a very dark place. I am not fully recovered and I still have relapses from time to time, but I found that when you actually let people in to help and you give life a chance that things can change. Since me last post I have found the love of my life, moved out on my own, got engaged, and let my family back into my life. Without my family, friends and my medication I wouldn’t be on here talking to you. I […]

When I look in the mirror, all that I can see is emptiness inside of me and I ask myself…

Who am I?

On the outside it seems to clear.. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend…but who am I?

Every morning when I awake, I tell myself it is time to put on a show..don’t want no one to know, what I feel when I am alone. I can’t let them see the tears I cry.. As keep all my fears hidden deep inside..

I tell myself; I do not know how much more I can take before this life I choose to forsake..
It seems to easy […]

Why bother, I do nothing correct. Everything I ever care about destroys my insides. Try as I might, but I cannot conquer. My life is an infinite loop of chaos and disease, and I am the problem. There may be many solutions, but only one outcome I can foresee. To those who care, I am sorry. The time may be near, since the path of self-destruction is imminent. My heart pounds with self-hatred, and the loathing of my existence. Decisions will be made, actions will be taken. And none of this will ever be shared with you. For you, I truly love and never want […]

anyone…i kinda low right now…need a distraction..email me?

hannahschelling.15@gmail.com

Haven’t wrote on this site before but I just felt the need to vent.  I have suffered from bouts of depression and had thoughts of suicide on and off for the last couple of years unknown to those around me as I like to keep myself to myself as I don’t like to share my emotions and problems with people.  I am a pretty simple guy I don’t like to have to burden other people, I don’t want much out of life just a steady job and a place to stay nothing fancy just enough to get by.  I have worked pretty much everyday since […]

I think I could be crazy,
I just might be insane,
I don’t exactly know why,
But now,
Life’s a game.

I make all the rules
But still I never win,
Though I take the heavy losses
With a smile,
With a grin:

I can see the pieces falling,
The deck is shuffled once again,
The other players all are stalling; everyone wants to win.

In boardgames, though,
A winner can only be one;
And that takes away all the smiles,
All the laughs,
All the fun.

Some people fall to cheating,
Or resort to plain dumb luck,
Though no matter what they’re feeding
Their desire to come out […]

The thing about my cutting, is that I can’t stop, it’s the only way I even know how to cope. My parents tried to force me to quit cutting. The stress made me want to do it even more. So I continued and even picked up smoking. They stopped trying to make me quit, because they thought they did a good job, and that I had quit. They all have no clue I continued or picked up another habit. I just cut less than two hours ago, my entire stomach basically. Covered in blood from my habit, burning from all the pain. I sadly like […]

Hey. I’m a freshman in highschool. I’m only 14. Yeah, go ahead tell me I’m young, and I have so much to look forward into life, but I don’t. My parents hate me. My friends hate me.  Best of all, I hate me. Why? You may ask. Just because. My story? Here you go…

My hell, started last year, in eighth grade. I never noticed that I was always pretending to be happy, until me and my bestfriend were bullied everyday at school. Called whores, skanks, ugly, all the names in the book. It even happened over Facebook for me, I was attacked by maybe 7? […]

the crisp smell of Autumn,
the soft crunch of snow
the pattern of pebbles,
a star’s milky glow.

the whistle of wind,
the dampness of dew
the rustle of leaves,
a deep sunset hue.

the curl of a cloud,
the pale of the sky
the stripes of an oak,
a dove’s peaceful cry.

the fragrance of flowers,
the sweet smell of pine
the aroma of rain,
a moon’s lovely shine.

the rumble of thunder,
the hum of close cars
the sigh of a drizzle,
and the silence of stars.

the tranquil of twilight,
the ebony of night
the soothing of sleep,
… For now all is right.

This one time I saw a little girl eating ice cream and playing with her little brother. Her hair was puffy and cute. Full of volume. she had glasses and she looked happy. She was smiling. She looked about 7-8 years of age. When i saw her my heart filled with joy of how cute she looked. i wanted to hug her because she looked really cute, but all I did was yell “oh my god look at that child’s hair!” and i pointed at her. Like a *****. LIKE AN IDIOT. I went home and didn’t say a word to anyone. I locked myself […]

the pain she hides
is oh so real
though her actions
couldnt allow
you to see
her real
she hides all day
she is real at night
when life is good
the sadness holds on
and she will never know what she wants
cant you see
the tears that fall
all she wants is for someone
to call
is she special
she will never know
maybe death is the way to go
should she live
the answer unknown
maybe just maybe she should
fall
down below
because no one will know this girl
exactly how she is.

help me?

Is there a difference between wanting to commit suicide and wishing you were dead?  I wish I could close my eyes to sleep at night and never wake up.

My life is actually pretty good and pretty normal, and that just all the more lets me know that I really, really just want to die, if even my relatively normal life can’t make me feel any better.  I’m a college student with good grades, 26 years old, extremely good looking, extremely smart, extremely nice, with a loving and supportive family and only one friend but she is a great friend.  There’s really nothing wrong with my […]

i am so hurt. i am so alone. i am crying every day because i miss her so much.

i am not afraid of being gone. i am afraid of being here, without her.

she told me more than once, “you are the only man i could ever imagine forever with, and that makes me so happy.”

now, she doesn’t speak to me at all… and very likely says those same words to another. this pain is too much. it may be “normal” for everyone else in the world to love and then leave. it may be perfectly acceptable for everyone else to abandon someone who truly cares. […]