Lord I’m lonely … wanna die.  If I ain’t dead already … girl you know the reason why

Everything is so chaotic right now.  I predict a very dark day in the US soon :/

Living hurts now- living in the way it’s not living. Being confined to a desk and ruled over by a group of people who don’t know or care. It’s just so meaningless. I’m just alone here- hopeless and scared. But I’ve always got on a happy mask and muddle through the day.

And then there’s the guy. The unattainable guy who you can’t shake. Love is awful. It’s always rewarded with nothing but rejection. Or it’s just never expressed and your just there- without the strength to say anything. You watch them love others, and you can’t help but feel awful. At least I do.
I used […]

This is my first time here, and it’s nice to know that there are others out there like me. I’ve tried to off myself a few times, got my stomach pumped and was stuffed in more mental hospitals than I count. I’ve been diagnosed as depressed, bipolar,PTSD, OCD, bulimic and BPD. I don’t know which of these are right, but every doctor I go to seems to have a different opinion.

When I was 14, a boyfriend I had at the time raped and tried to kill me by burning down the house I was in. I’m 19 now. Part of me hoped that as time […]

you know whats fucked up.The fact that they have all these suicide support groups online for the people left behind after suicide what about the people who want to die right now were the hells the support for them.Mental illness is also rarely mentioned in politics its like they have no time for the suffering and thats fucked up

Wake up
brush my teeth
don’t forget to floss
mouthwash
rinse and repeat

shower and get dressed
eat a wholesome breakfast
read the morning paper

show up to work
right on time
clock in
work hard (or at least pretend)
clock out

go home for the day
exercise regularly
answer the phone
listen intently
feign interest
make “friends”
have dinner parties
be a normal
functioning member of society
go to bed at a decent time
don’t forget to reset that alarm
tomorrow is another day
another chance to prove you are worthwhile
a normal functioning member of society

i was just trying so hard to put my feeling into words. but nothing really came out, i guess im just not being honest with myself. not with anyone…i hate feelings. i hate thinking i could be with someone right now, i wonder how much emotional pain i’d put them through. but still sometimes i get this deep feelings for people, then the next minute i dont even feel a thing for them, maybe i really am bipolar. but right now i dont feel sad, nor angry at myself, i really am just not feeling anything. this month feels like its just floating.. i feel […]

hello this is my first using this and thank you in advance for taking the time to listen to this

since the age of four my mother became addicted to a various amount of  drugs, alcohol among whatever else she could get her hands on. She was always assoisated with drug dealers, alcoholics and just general people like that. Day after day since that age ive constantly be blamed for being alive and being born and that life without me would be easier for her and everyone else in the world. I constantly saw my younger brother be beaten up and thrown across the front room and bedroom by my mothers boyfriend while she was out scoring […]

Okay, so I’m writing a book. It’s going to be one of those depressed suicidal teen books. But better because it’s written by me, someone who’s going through the same stuff and some different stuff than a lot of you. I just started writing today. I want to try to get it published when it’s finished. I’m really passionate about this. There’s so many books that bullshit you about what it’s actually like. They don’t include the voices, the cutting, the demons, the suicide attempts. Comment on this and tell me if you’d read it. Thank you <3

This post is dedicated to Pepperpep4. Who I hope is still with us and managed to get the help she needs… If not, I hope you’re in a better place. Beautiful Angel <3 The title is from a song that she shared shortly after she… well… you already know that part.

But yeah, Basically I’ve came to a lot of realizations this week.. And i’m just glad it’s nearly over. It seems all I have done is tried to keep other people happy. Maybe that’s all i’m good for …. Keeping people happy, Even in what might be their last moments… Maybe my time will come. […]

I don’t exactly know why I’m doing this.  I’m a hundred percent sure that people have much more fucked up problems than me. But still, I wanted to do this. Don’t know why.

I have a Social Anxiety Disorder. Everyone knows me as the ‘mute girl’. I hate it. But that’s the way life goes. Some say that hapiness is a choice. But, If I didn’t have this disorder, then I would be happy. This social anxiety~ it wasn’t my choice. I can’t ever express my feelings to the world. I’m scared, hopeless- worthless.

I know everyone has their problems, and I know that it might be […]

Once, when I was like 14,  my mother found a few meager scratches on my wrist, hidden under a bracelet. She exploded with anger, not a shred of sympathy, and I was mortified. I never wanted to hurt myself and I actually didn’t like the pain, which is why I hardly did more than drag the razor across my wrists. Her reaction was the icing on the cake. No more of that nonsense, I thought. A kid my age can’t be that unhappy; it’s just silly.

In retrospect, I think that was the first time I really felt anything.

I was molested by a family member throughout […]

havent been on in a really long time, im alright. incase anyone was wondering.
ive started going to therapy. its helping a bit. still depressed tho. but ive been having more highs than last year. so thats great!
friends are still the same :/ which sucks. thought grade 10 would be different. but it isnt. oh well. what am i suppose to do???

i really like this guy at my school. and im actually talking to him! if this was lastyear. i wouldnt of said a word to him. so i think im going good!
blehh. i wish i could just get better already. my next […]

Hey there to whoever is reading this… My name is Sammie and well I deal with depression, bi-polar disorder, and a mild case of PTSD. I’ve gone through a lot in my life to make me this way, but I work everyday to get better… I even have this chart on my wall where I write something nice about myself once a day then read them before bed till I smile.

My dad went to Iraq when I was young and when he came back he changed. He was an alcoholic and the daddy I used to have was no longer there. He’s so cruel all […]

I feel highly frustrated with my incapabilities and shortcomings. I feel like breaking down every instance i realise I’m so flawed and not good enough. I really don’t know why i say things without thinking. I don’t know why i keep complaining. I don’t know why i am so insensitive.

I am working with this group of people and my leader gave a piece of peer evaluation sheet with other peers’ comments in order to help us improve as a person. But seeing how the negative points take 7/8 of the page just makes me feel so crappy and so shitty.

What is the point of trying […]

Hi guys i’ve posted on this quite a bit earlier on this year but the difference this time is that i’m feeling a LOT better! I know you’ll read this and probably think ‘she’s wrong’ or ‘i dont care what she’s saying’, because i would’ve probably thought the same thing in your position. However i can hand-on-my-heart say that you will overcome this and feel so much better. This is just a dark patch we unfortunately have to tackle unlike the majority of ‘cheerful’ people we have to put up with daily. Somehow you will survive this and will be amazing, you will be able […]

Never found these kind of sites remotely interesting before, but thought I’d give it a try..

For about a year now I’ve had thoughts of killing myself, but they were only thoughts.. Lately they’ve become more than that.
I have about 3 or 4 people I call close friends, but I only ever tell one of them anything that really matters. Recently I told that person that I was contemplating overdosing and he told me that if I was ever doing any of those drugs, even if I wasn’t ODing, he’d come get me.  Today I was at the beach and all day with 5 or […]

He was neva lucky in life.even his birth was badluck.he came to this world like a bad juju.insulting success with his never ending tries.why wouldnt he just give up and wait for his demise.cus even in his bad luck he was not lucky enough to die.death to him would have being too much of a divine intervention..contrary to what evr1 believed about him neva being lucky he died and for the first time in his whole fuckd up entire life,he was lucky.HE WAS 1ST TIME LUCKY.

i want to go home

My life…

Grew up witnessing my father mentally and physically abusing my mum. Even saw him raping her when I was about 9.
Cut off contact with him completely when I was 18, my brothers still see him which disgusts me.

Got into my first serious relationship at 18, was with him until I was 30. Still friends.

Got into a relationship a couple of months after with someone who I now realise is a sociopath. I was completely in love with him though, crazily in love and was about to move in with him before it finished. He always put me down, was very controlling and lied […]