Im about to do it rite now…..please help
Warning: If you are one who still has faith in god and/ or government, do not watch the following link and/ or movie:
Zeitgeist the movie
How Science save my soul
So far, society has made an attempt to “fix me” with non-applicable laws, jesus, Zoloft and a host of other inventions to keep the masses from free-thinking. I guess society was hoping that one of these things would “take hold”, but I’ve had too long to think for myself. I’ve had an epiphany. I’m not the one who’s FU(K!NG BROKEN! Now I’m a problem. I feel justified in my thoughts and actions. I cannot be easily controlled. I question everything. I insist on relying on my own research and take nothing at face value. This is […]
As my anxiety grows, so does my appetite for death.
The thing is i’m not quite sure i know who i am any more and I dont really care.
I had a breakdown last week at a school trip. I  sat somewhere away from everyone else. I knew no one would come and check on me because they don’t see me as their real ‘friend’ because I’m too different from them. So I sat alone as my mind reminded me of everything that’s gone wrong and the reasons for them. I remebered why my friends left me. I remembered why I almost killed myself last year. I couldn’t think straight. Then as i’m about to cry who else to come […]
numbness of the mind
rots inside its self
begging you to be kind
only to yourself
i want what i cant have
numbness makes me aware of this
another threatening stab
killing whats left
god why?god why? god why?!?!
What the hell is wrong with me? Am I an unlikable person? *sigh* I try you know I try to be friendly but why is it that in whatever I do Im just ignored. Im currently in art school and I try. try hard and I am decent at what I do yet I get no attention in any thing its like Im invisible and it just makes me hate everyone at school.school I HATE that too I enjoy the learning yes BUT I HATE THE PEOPLE THERE …I just hate people in general ? I didnt use to be like this I wasnt so […]
Lately i’ve been having this urge to self-harm again and i honestly don’t know why, i mean it’s not like im depressed or anything i actually believe im quite happy with myself right now. The thing is, everytime i look at my wrists they just look so…empty and alone an idk it’s like i miss the pain,i miss feeling like i was alive again.. I don’t know what im supposed to do, ive gone months without self-harm and i dont know if i would enjoy the fact of relapsing for the fourth time thi year. Idk and its just not cutting anymore now i just […]
I’ve hit it. I’m a 19 year old gay male and i’ve been crying my eyes out for so many nights now. I want to just end it all..I am so miserable and lonely. I’ve brought most of this on myself I guess…i think I have herpes and it fucking disgusts me. I hate these fucking sores on my lips…why did I have to do this to myself? I feel like such a disgusting whore. I miss my exboyfriend and I wish i could have done more for him..instead I fucked up. I fuck everything up. I don’t know why I was brought intothis world…both […]
Hopelessness…black like filthy oil rains from darkened skies and gray clouds. My chin pressed to my scarred chest as my hair, dirty blonde acid conceals a marred face. I’ve done my best. A 3 year battle. The mud beneath my feet still warm with fresh blood. Rusted chains bound bloodied hands behind my lashed back and I feel my wrists bleeding. Four heavy steps more and the heat burns more than my skin. I will not look at those ebony gates because I know..the same gates that have claimed my soul since the beginning of the battle. So thirsty, are the gates of Hades. Rising into the sky […]
im 17.. i feel like such a little kid around every one.. they all treat me that way.. little things mess with me really bad. i have borderline personality disorder.. i haven’t had a very good life and i understand that.. i understand that there are people out there who have had it worse than me.. i just don’t no why all this has happened too me. if there really is a god out there then why are all of these good people having bad things happen to them..i was raped by my brother and my little sisters brother from the time i was 5 […]
Im 21 years old and have attempted suicide 5 times. I was sexually and physically abused growing up by my alcoholic dad and emotionally and mentally abused by my mom.  I have been raped more times than i can count by more than 7 diferent people all belonging to the same group of friends. I got pregnant by one of them and that made me more depressed but then i became to welcome the fact that i would have someone i could love and would be loved back. at 21 and a half weeks on July 17, 2011 i gave birth to a stillborn 5 ounce baby girl who was […]
The stars lean down to kiss you,Â
And I lie awake and miss you.
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
‘Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly,Â
But I’ll miss your arms around me.
I’d send a postcard to you dear,Â
‘Cause I wish you were here.
I’ll watch the night turn light blue.
But it’s not the same without you,Â
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,Â
The silence isn’t so bad,Â
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,Â
‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
I’ll find repose in new ways,Â
Though I haven’t slept in […]
Please dont feel sorry for me. I hate that. I’m only 17, I seem young to have gone through as much as I have. My life has gone to ruins. Ive been depressed for almost 4 years now. I’m bipolar adhd horrible anxiety and under weight. I take lots of medicine. But I’m tired of the life I’m living. 14 years ago my mom hung herself in a bathroom. She was addicted to cocaine and 3 men that she was buying from raped her. The doctor who did the exam on her said she wouldnt try to kill herself bqut she did. She did cocaine […]
With all the things in life there are to hate and to make us so profoundly sad, love shouldn’t be one of them. It has always been a mystery to me. For some people love is a reason to live. Sharing love with that special person makes everything else worth it. Â It breaks through all the bullshit and gives them the strength to handle anything.
For the rest of us it is elusive. The ones we love will never love us. We are the constantly lonely and chronically untouched. Love is painful. It reminds us of all the things we’ll never have and we’ll never be.
I […]
so im kind of new to this & so far it looks great .. obviously i have my own share of problems or i wouldn’t be here .. so this is my story .. I was born & raised in CA & my grandparents raised me .. i recently ( its been 2 yrs now) moved back with my real parents & we’re all the way in Tonga ( island in the south pacific ) & so far its been a major change .. school , life , boys , new people , etc etc .. tbh i didnt want to move , but i had no […]
I made this account a couple of weeks ago when I was searching for an exit from this life. I realized something this time around which was that I wanted to die but I wasn’t as suicidal as I once was, almost as if I gave into this life and its reality that I clearly was always against. I found it strange how we are willing to help another on this website or elsewhere and yet can’t help ourselves. I feel we were all deprived of something from our childhood that we needed and that lack of attention, love, or simply not being […]
My first post on here after reading the posts for a while.
I let someone in for the first time in years, 11 to be exact, but now I feel worse than ever! I’m 22 and since I was 11 I’ve dealt with feelings of being worthless and being made to feel like I was unwanted, by friends and family and even people I didn’t know. I’ve dealt with being alone for 11 years, I had come to terms with it and even though feelings of depression and suicide would take over from time to time I had found my own ways of dealing with […]
I’ve never let anyone in close enough to see the ugliness inside. Last summer, my dad came the closest after some emotional emails I’d sent him. He drove the 6 hours to my city and spent the week taking me out to dinner and talking, trying to figure out what was wrong. But I burned him like I’ve done everyone else.
I burned my grandmother when I told her to stop talking to me. I burned my co-workers when I took up the vow of silence at the office. I burned my father by never replying to any of his follow up emails after we had […]