How can I live there

When all I think about is the past

How am I supposed to go back

When all the time I keep hating

and it feels like I am rushing

What is the rush for?

Everyone has grown up

Why can’t I?

What am I supposed to do?

I have been in bed since Sunday evening after my….”breakdown”. Still shaking, still feeling generally lowsy, still crying and still randomly short of breath. I don’t know if my nervous system is shot or if I have finally just went mad..either way I’m a mess.

She chose to walk alone.
Though others wondered why.
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn’t have companions.
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame.
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

Some say […]

I have no interest in anything anymore…I have no job..Im single for the first time since I was 17 and Im lost…My mother is making my life Hell…my “So called”, friends are making things so hard for me..there is only one person I thought I could trust and I considered him my best friend who I could talk to about stuff but he screwed me over time and time again so I have pushed him so far away…and he’s getting mad about it,trying to make me tell him how I feel…But I don’t want to..I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore…I don’t feel..I just […]

Down the rabbit hole,
Or inside my head.
They lead to the same place,
Is what I said.

Like watching a dandelion in the breeze,
Or a bubble in the wind.
Following ants on my knees,
Gives me the same sort of grin.

Oh, in a world so big,
To be so small,
Unlimited adventures,
To each and all.

Without maps and lines
To keep them contained.
Or a globe in which
They know they remain.

In an […]

Tomorrow I have to go somewhere.The problem is  that I don’t like being around people.Ugh..I hate that! This Social Anxiety is killing me!

If anyone needs some cheering up or just a friend to talk to I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Talking things out with ya’ll makes me feel better, or even just listening.

I need you all more than you know.

Ahaa… I miss him. :/ He made life seem livable.

Anyone just want to talk? I have email, skype, facebook or maybe even xbox?

Just ask. I’m not a judgemental person and I like to think that I can give some good advice to those in need.

I love talking to you people, Don’t give up.

<3

This morning, I woke up and felt something I never felt waking up…

I realized it was fear…

Fear of the future and fear of failure

So scared of what the future might bring

And failing once again

When will this end?

I’m back in the same position, once again.
I thought I was finally happy. I thought that HE made me happy. But it turns out he’s just the same. Using me for the same shit all the rest did.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t like him until I knew he felt the same but once again I fucked up and gave him almost everything he wanted. I’m so stupid. I fucking hate myself. I just want to leave and go away forever. I want to be someplace new where nobody even knows my goddamn name. Or maybe I could just leave for […]

Well, its been a long hard road but I’ve finally made it to the end. What have I got to show for it? A broke down car, no money, no family, no job, I have become like the silence…nothing. I dont believe theres anything left, so, to all the people that I let down, im sorry…goodbye   (I really just need someone to talk to, so I dont end the pain)

Theres a pain in my cide, its getting worse, I can hear my demons, it’s a curse, the time is finally here, I see, theres a shadow hanging over me, I look in his face, theres nothing there, still I ask him a question for his stare, “What would it take to end this life?” Im living but I am not alive. He turns his around and bows his head, im lost without him, need his thread, now im laying in the dirt, Deaths been calling since my birth   (This is Keith, I cant take this anymore, not sure what my next move is, im […]

I’ve been viewing this website for awhile, never posted anything. Just joined. Is anyone online right now and want to talk about anything? It could be good, bad, random, whatever. How are you today? Anything awesome going on in your life? Sorry for being random, I just feel kind of lonely right now.
-M

This is my first online post but definitely not the first time I’ve wrote about the topic. This all started 7 years ago. i was an angry, sad, depressed teenager and i had my reasons why i felt like I did. i sought out professional help and it was anything but helpful. The reasons why i was upset are in the past… i think. i hurt myself and got to a very scary point in my life to the point where i no longer felt in control of my actions. Now i have made some great accomplishments in my life through hard work and […]

  It don’t Make sense, I bust my Ass of just for him to have a Good Life, I cook I clean I get him clothes. I’ve been out for the past 5 days trying to get me shit straight (ID, Social security, Birth certificate Food Stamps) when it’s Hot. and yet u Still complain -__-  I just want to sit down for 10 damn minutes and Not worry about a single damn thing! u go and make YOURSELF dinner. And get mad that I didn’t eat. I Cook for. U ALL the time. it’s not fair that I have to be with a Selfish little […]

If i had the courage to just do it…i would….im dreaming about it, i space out and slowly wrap my hands around my neck and squeeze, my brother stops me half the time…i dont want help…i want a shoulder to cry on and courage to detach my soul from this Hell…

Before i begin, i would like to state that I’ve had depression long before i got together with my boyfriend. I dont know what to do . I feel like he isnt being honest ever about his ex. you know what hurts the most ? I can see it in his face that he seems to appreciate his horrible relationship with her than with me. this makes me feel beyond terrible. makes me want to hurt myself All i want to do is hurt myself in someway to make myself stop thinking or something. i still dont know why i always feel like doing it […]

Loneliness, Depression and Anxiety have been my friends or should i say my worst enemies for months now, they just refuse to go away now. I had this attack in the morning where i was just lying on the sofa for at least 2 hours and couldn’t move a limb.
It was like a paralytic attack where i had no control over my body. Felt like a spirit had got into me and controlling me, very freaky with these weird voices playing in my head and telling me what a big loser i am.
Has anybody gone through anything like this before ??

I have been through hell and back for the past five years. As a college student I also work part time in order to earn some cash/experience at a medical job. I always thought I was a self-assured person until my part time job started to make me feel like ending my life. I had never felt that way before and I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling. I felt trapped and I felt like if I ever left that job people would just think of me as a quitter. The part that bothered me the most is that I […]

i hate it when i can’t sleep because i can’t stop thinking of the things i try to avoid every waking hour of the day… i hide from it and then at night i get attacked by all my pain and sadness…