I hate your kids.

After going through a rough patch of hard shit already, the second time round does not get any easier, even with experience. I feel like I can’t put up with another load of DIFFERENT bullshit all over again. The first time was hard enough, but this time I just seem to have the floor below me, falling through, just like my ability to cope. i don’t know what to do anymore. The situation’s don’t matter, it’s just the factor of me not being able to have the strength to deal with this hurt and crying and shaking and pain and guilt anymore.

I need help but […]

I’m not shaking. I’m not crying. I’m already not there anymore. This isn’t happening.

My soul has been killed. And tomorrow my body will escape. I will not use any fucking poison, bag or cord. I will not jump, I will not shock anybody. Do you deserve such a dramatic death? You? No, tomorrow my body will be gone very far away, on the other side of the ocean, he will walk and nature will kill him little by little, his murderer will be the one who gave him birth. I’ll die into the wild.

I’m not a bad guy. But I’m not good enough. Because I […]

“People always think they know other people, but they don’t. Not really. I mean, maybe they know things about them, like they won’t eat doughnuts or they like action movies or whatever. But they don’t know what their friends do in their rooms alone at night or what happened to them when they were kids or if they feel f***ed up and sad for not reason at all.”
― Libba Bray

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never […]

I’m totally broke and some a-hole stole my bike I freakin need to get around. God dam, I’m pissed, sad, angry, bummed-out, helpless, oh-ya, Screwed !!!

It’s really hard not to think about this all day and night, shit, shit, shit

For the second time in 3 months my 16 year old son has attempted suicide. The first time was with pills and this time which was just yesterday he put his car into a telephone pole. Its been over the same girl both times and I dont know what I should do.

For as long as I can remember ive hated myself…

I tried to overdose on paracetamol earlier this year, though i didnt think that through. PARACETAMOL DOES NOT WORK. You just end up in A&E throwing up with a drip in your arm.

I just want to die. I can’t explain it. I know I’m going to try again soon, hopefully hanging this time…

What do you think I should do about my verbally abusive brother? He degrades me severely in front of friends and family and also when alone. I live with him and can’t afford to move out.

well i better start with abit of background, when i was 2 my brther barnabas left when he was 16 because my brother oliver who is now 20 would have been around 5 at the time was sexually abused by barnabas’ best friend and it caused my brother oliver many problems in life as you can imagine and my mother would not leave the house wich lead to her becomeing more ill and deppressed, she has bipolar and M.E. we then started moving houses alot which started from trying t get away from where the abuse happened. then when i was 7 my brother isaak […]

I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t write.

I think that everyone should have a passion in life. Everyone needs something to keep their feet on the ground, to keep them from slowly losing it. It’s a stress-reliever, a hobby, the love of my life, the apple to my pie, call it whatever you want but all I know is that if I wasn’t a writer I would feel like my life isn’t worth anything.

I used to wonder why I wasn’t like other teenagers. Why I didn’t go out and party, drink, get involved with drugs, get pregnant before I graduated high school. Was […]

I shouldent feel the way i do im 13 years old i already have severe depression, i iust moved schools everyone likes me but i fucking hate it because of the negative parts of my brain theres cutters There i see them at least one a day i already feel like cutting but i just scrach my self realy bad because i just dont have the guts but one day ill just do it, then i come home to one of two diffrent houses ones is my mums she dose heroin im pretty sure i kinda seen it today i almost od today and at […]

hey to who ever is reading this. I am a question nothing else question that questions. Shit happened in my life but they just arent the reason why I feel this way. I wish I would discribe my feelings but I cant. I yelled at my mom told her I wanted to kill myself she did nothing. Today she told me to stop being this “negative” there are alot of people who has it bad. that doesn’t change anything. Its just how I am. Few times since 2 years I got happy and cried it feels weird feeling that way. Most my time at school […]

my ex is off telling lies about me again. saying im a monster. saying its all my fault. saying im a depressed suicidal emo freak. well, i guess its not lies after all…

my best friend wont let me out. i want away and im done with this world. ha every other post i write is either how amazing or awful my bf is..tonight its both….i love him SO MUCH, yet all ive done is cry since he came back. idk anymore, he was a reason to save me now he is reason to send me away. i wont win, he wont. i want to win i want to DIE die die die die. never do i have o anything under harsh orders again..im done but wait im stuck here..best friend wont let me die, he makes so […]

i cant stop feeling that im all alone and no one cares about me cuz im just a fat worthless no one</3:"(

It’s not your fault, it’s mine. For thinking you were everything you’re not. I set such high expectations for you, and you turned out to be totally different from what I thought. And…. it’s not you I should blame, it’s not you I should be angry at. It’s me, because I built this fantasy in my head, I turned your personality into what I wanted it to be, when in reality that’s not YOU. You did nothing wrong, you were just being you. And I was just being me… setting expectations that people, and myself, are bound to fail.

I’m feeling poetic yet my words aren’t flowing
I’m saddened and now filled with guilt
And I feel even more lonely
I saw the news and filled with sadness
Now I’ll choose to suffer
Rape me blind, or murder my body
The polish away my remains with a buffer
I had rather have taken my own life
Since I’ve endured the death of others
They do the usual and they’d do the same if I’d end it all
They wail and cry and regret with each other
Now my eyes are opened and I’m even more depressed than before
I’ll have no choice buy to […]

A poem/song that I wrote 3 days before being admitted into a hospital for a suicide attempt.

I can’t even function
I mean there’s no reason
Why try for no cause?
Fuck everything, fuck it all
I give up
I can’t keep up
No motivation
To keep me going
I’ve tried so hard
Only to be let down
My heart’s broken into shards
I guess this is punishment
For having hopes high
While my feet were on the ground

My lips can’t crack a smile
My throat can’t muster a laugh
It’s been a long while
Since I’ve been put down this bad
I guess I had […]

I feel numb and broken. I have some horrible thoughts too.. I just wish I knew how I could get over him.. Get over myself. I don’t even feel human anymore. I feel like I am having an out of body experience all the time. Like I am not even still alive..

somebody kill me. end my misery now and save me from the nightmare of tomorrow.  i dont care what it holds, i know it will involve misery for me. so just kill me.